


Misread

by sciencefictioness



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Eren Yeager, Books, Coffee Shops, Drunk Eren Yeager, Drunk Levi, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Levi's Thirsty, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Not Totally Depressing I Swear, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Scars, Smut, So Much Awkwardness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tsundere Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:51:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 78,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3886477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencefictioness/pseuds/sciencefictioness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After watching his father brutally murder his mother, barely escaping with his life, Eren Jaeger moved from one foster house to another, never really finding a place to call home.  Now that he is grown, he lives with Mikasa and Armin in a dilapidated old house, but all is not well.  The loss of his mother at his father's hands, along with the brutal treatment he received for his sexuality, as well as repeated failures in all aspects of his life have left him hollow and broken.  Though he had tried before to end his life and failed, with a fistful of pills and the knowledge that his friends are gone for the weekend, Eren was sure that this time he would succeed.  At the last moment he hesitated.  His only regrets would be leaving Mikasa and Armin behind, and never confessing his feelings to the owner of the bookstore he works at.  After realizing he had nothing to lose, he decided to tell Levi how he feels before ridding the world of himself for good.  Even if Levi rejects him, it doesn't matter.  What's he gonna do? </p>
<p>Kill himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Famous Last Words

_"No, stop!" Eren did not know why he was begging, screaming, when it was already too late. His mother was dead, eyes lifeless and glassy, one bloody hand on the floor reaching out towards her son. She had told him to run, pleaded with him, but Eren had been unable to tear his eyes away, frozen in place as his father plunged the knife into her over and over again. Never listening to what she said, never doing what she asked.... a bad son right up to the end. When she finally stopped moving, Grisha seemed to notice that he was there for the first time, taking him in with the eyes of a snake. Eren had seen that look many times, always striking fear in his heart, ice creeping through his veins, terror pooling in his gut._

_"No. I don't know who your daddy is. I'd tell you to ask your mother, but..." He looked over at her body, impossibly still, and a sardonic grin crept over his face. "She's not up for conversation, at the moment. But you can ask her real soon." It was only when he began to rise to his feet that Eren tried to get away, sliding around in his mother's blood as he scrambled backwards. All this time he'd beaten her, hurt her, mistreated her, and Eren could do nothing but hide and quake in fear. Now she was dead, all because he was weak. He'd finally gotten his feet under him when he felt it in his hair, that fist that had blackened his mother's eyes, broken her ribs, knocked out her teeth.... Eren was jerked off his feet, flying through the air before impacting brutally with the wall. He slid down, feeling hot liquid coursing down the back of his head, vision full of stars and darkness. Like the night, but less beautiful and full of dread._

_Then that steel was at the side of his throat, and he expected it to be cold but it was not. It was warm, and wet, dripping his mother's very life down his neck. Eren felt it slice into him, just slightly, as his father looked at him with eyes full of venom, sparking with hatred. In that moment, he wanted his Grisha to plunge the knife into his neck. He had let his mother bleed out, and he did not deserve to go on living when she was not. Even as a child, full of fear under his father's blade, Eren wanted to die._

__Years later, hundreds of miles away, sitting on a bathroom floor with broken tiles and mold growing in one corner where the bathtub leaked, nothing had really changed. It felt like every night that he relived his mother's death in dreams. Every day he dragged himself out of bed to go through the motions of life, desolate and devoid of emotion. Eren was still weak after all this time, still wanted to die, and now he had a host of new reasons to do so yet had managed to fail at that twice already. _Can't even kill myself, Jesus fucking Christ._ The first attempt was after he was beaten brutally at school, and not for the first time. He should've known better than to come out at all, but there were other gay students that got along okay without getting their asses kicked. The administrators thought he was a troublemaker, as he was less than attentive in class and often gave his teacher's hell. Something about him must scream 'victim', because it was after the fourth or fifth trip to the hospital for stitches or a cast that he'd finally had enough. Mikasa found him in the bathroom of the foster home they were staying in at the time, the last one before they'd hit eighteen and moved in with Armin. He'd been sitting in a bathtub full of warm water, pink with his blood, wrists slit wide but apparently in the wrong direction and not deep enough as he would learn later. The left wrist had been no problem, but then when he'd attempted to do the right side his fingers wouldn't cooperate. Eren had scarred his left wrist badly, damaged his tendons, and even now when he made a fist his pinky wouldn't quite pull all the way in. So the wound on his right side had been superficial, not enough. Then Mikasa had shown up, screaming at Eren, calling an ambulance while slapping angrily at him. Leave it to Mikasa to find him trying to kill himself and get pissed before anything else. The second time, about a year before, Eren had jumped off a bridge famous in Stohess for suicides, assuming it was high enough to do the trick. Whether it was the way he'd hit the water, or something else, Eren would never know. Instead of death and nothingness all Eren had gotten was wet, plus pneumonia from the winter waters he'd leapt into. If he hadn't left a note for his sister, she never would've known, and he cursed himself for it later. Saying goodbye would leave him no less dead, would not soothe the pain she felt when he was gone. Eren felt selfish for trying to leave her that way, but sometimes all the love in the world was not enough to light up the blackness he felt inside._ _

__There had been other, more half assed attempts, none as serious as those two. Eren had stood on countless rooftops feeling the wind tugging at his hair, urging him forward over the abyss, but for better or worse he could never manage to take that last step. Something about looking over Stohess, seeing the world stretch out in front of him to the horizon made him feel almost hopeful. It was a false hope, and whenever he inevitably got back on the ground it was nowhere to be seen, but in those moments it held him here. Aching and miserable. Dragging those around him down into the dirt with him. No emotion was more useless than hope._ _

__Mikasa and Armin were constantly watching him, getting him out of the house. Taking Eren to coffee shops and book stores where they could access wifi for their homework, even making him come to the university library with them sometimes. They were both enrolled, but he was not, and still he was tugged along. Mostly because they were afraid to leave him alone too much, scared to come back to a body instead of a brother. Eren had applied for scholarships and grants, but his grades in high school had been abysmal, and even if he'd gotten in he wasn't sure what he would do. All he'd ever wanted to do was write, and no one besides his friends thought his work was any good. His teachers had been less than helpful, telling him he should focus on raising his grades in his other subjects before he did anything else. Any time he'd ever submitted anything to a publishing house his work was soundly and swiftly rejected. It had been over six months since he'd sat down and tried to create anything, and that was only at Mikasa's urging. The water he'd jumped into had not taken his life, but it had washed away any joy he'd found in writing, or anything else for that matter. Not that there was much in the first place._ _

__The only bright spot in his life was that he'd managed to keep his latest job for over six months now, which was a first after being fired from the last three he'd held. Eren worked part time at a book store near the piece of shit house the trio called home, one of the places Mikasa had brought him to that had internet access and caffeine for her studies. Titan Books sold fiction, books on mythology, and manga, along with some anime and horror dvds as well as having a small coffee shop inside where you could buy drinks and pastries. They held game nights on the weekends, mostly Magic and D &D, but a few other RPG card and table games came up from time to time. There were cosplay events and video game tournaments, and if Eren hadn't lost all interest in that sort of thing he would've really loved working there. It didn't hurt that the manager was completely crazy, and as a result, fairly entertaining. Hange had more energy and eccentricities than anyone Eren had ever met, and he was surprised she'd hired him in the first place after all the jobs he'd lost. He had to have some kind of income to help Armin and Mikasa out with the bills, especially since they were attending classes and could only work part time. Armin had inherited their house along with a small fortune from his grandfather who passed away, but his parents were fighting tooth and nail to keep it from him. His lawyers, who were once his grandfathers, assured him that it wouldn't be too much longer before everything was settled and he had his inheritance, but until then they were barely scraping by. So he got up every morning, and when the time came he forced himself to work, stocking books, helping customers, making tea and coffee when there wasn't another employee on duty during the afternoons. And reading during lag time, which was to be honest only the second best thing about working there._ _

__The best was hoping that the store's owner would show up that day, so he could stare at him through the office door in what was probably a less than discreet manner. Levi did not come in every day, but on those that he did, Eren was almost... content, or as close as he ever got to the emotion anymore. He was short, with a glare permanently etched into his features. Nearly everything he said was dripping with sarcasm, arms perpetually crossed, making those disapproving sounds through his teeth even when something pleased him. Eren had never met someone so rough around the edges.... or so fucking gorgeous. Impossibly black hair shaved into an undercut with long bangs that were always falling into his eyes. Gray eyes, a color Eren had never seen anywhere before, lit up from within somehow. His face was severe, but those lips were pink, and they looked so soft that Eren tried not to get too close. He might reach out to touch them, losing a hand in the process. Every movement Levi made was sharp and precise, and any room he entered was suddenly full, dominated completely by his presence. Hange talked a lot about Levi, as if she sensed somehow that Eren wanted to know everything there was about him since Levi never willingly offered up information about himself. The more he learned about him, the more infatuated he became. They had barely spoken to each other, and then only when Hange had been talking to them both, drawing the two into conversation, but his voice was beautiful, too. Eren had never heard Levi utter his first name, but he imagined what it would sound like as he jerked off, eyes wrenched shut while he called out, _Levi, Levi, Levi...__ _

__Eren was pretty sure he was in love, as fucking stupid as that sounded in his head._ _

__Now Eren sat in the floor of the bathroom in the rickety house they lived in, with a front door that would barely close and holes in the hardwood of his bedroom that he could avoid in his sleep at this point. The pills in his hand, almost too many to hold, a few scattering across the floor already, were beginning to go soft where they touched his sweaty palm. Mikasa and Armin were gone for the weekend for some university function that he could not attend, so this time he did not have to worry about his sister or his friend finding him too soon. Taking him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped, forcing him to drink liquid charcoal to absorb the poisons he'd put inside himself. It tasted like shit. He should know. He had gone through two panic attacks that week after waking up from his nightmare, which he'd had every night for five nights in a row. He went to sleep with a heart full of dread and woke up screaming sometimes, so loud his throat hurt. His sister and friend did not even get out of bed anymore, knowing full well he would shove them away, resentful of their somnolent affection that made him feel so fucking _weak_. Eren's thoughts had turned black and crawling, and it was difficult for him to put on a smile for Mikasa and Armin as they left for their trip. He didn't want them worrying about him the whole time, they could at least enjoy themselves for a few days before he ripped out their hearts. Gone, yet still destroying lives. It would be fine, they would recover quickly, they were strong where he was not. Eren was nothing but a drain on their lives, leeching their time and energy, making them suffer when they would've been happier without him._ _

__It was no surprise that as he stared up at the ceiling, water bottle next to him ready to help him swallow the pills, that his thoughts eventually drifted to Levi. Eren regretted that he was leaving Mikasa and Armin behind, but at least they had happy memories together. He'd never said more than a dozen words to Levi at a time, never touched him, had never even shaken his hand. What did he smell like? How did it sound when he laughed? How did he look while he was sleeping, hair tousled around his head, face clear of that ever present scowl? Were those dark locks as soft as they looked? Eren wanted to know, and then he realized it had been quite some time since he had _wanted_ anything. He couldn't even remember what it had been. One of the only things that made him smile anymore was when Levi walked into his job. Not the ones he pasted on for his friends, but genuine, lips going wide all on their own. The only pleasure he felt was in the shower he was leaning against, jacking off while calling Levi's name. When had that even started? He didn't remember touching himself at all before, not since he jumped off the bridge and into the river Sina. _ _

__Suddenly Eren was pouring pills back into bottles, picking up the strays that had skittered across the tile, rolled under the sink, bounced into the hallway. He had to get them all, or Mikasa's sharp eyes would find them and know instinctively what he had been planning to do. When he had gathered them all together, he washed the white powdery remnants of them off his hands before hiding them deep in his closet. Eren wished he had some porn, because it would be the perfect place to ensure they were not seen by his sister. Then he got ready for work, showered, took extra care with his hair, his clothes. Pulled on his nice pair of shoes, though they were still worn and ragged._ _

__He would ask Levi out today, and the smile on his face would be brighter than the fucking sun. If Levi said no, well, he would bury his hands in those dark strands and fucking kiss him. Feel that soft hair, taste those pink lips, breathe in his scent. Just once. What was Levi going to do, fire him? Kill him?_ _

__Eren started laughing, and he was glad no one could hear it, because even if you didn't know him it was easy to tell._ _

__It was the laughter of a fucking lunatic._ _


	2. Nothing to Lose

_Hands holding down his wrists, bruising and unyielding. Hot breath on his neck. Dark laughter in his ear. The sharp scent of whiskey. Pain. Pain all over._

___"Please stop." Levi's voice did not sound like his own. It was the voice of a stranger, a victim, harsh and desperate._ _ _

____He fought with everything he had, but his movements were drunken and drugged and sluggish, like he was underwater. It hurt everywhere, but mostly inside his chest. Levi's heart was bleeding surely as all the rest of him. Tears stung his eyes, and more than anything else he did not want to cry, didn't want to give this bastard the satisfaction, but it was no use. Hot rivulets streamed down his face as a sob wrenched out of his throat._ _ _ _

_____"Such a pretty sound, Levi. I love it when you cry."_ _ _ _ _

______As if to please him Levi's chest heaved, ragged noises pulled from inside him as his whole body shook with sorrow. He hated himself for his reedy cries, his trembling hands, the salt of his tears. Levi had never been so weak. Used. Broken._ _ _ _ _ _

_______Levi was broken._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____He sat up with a start, breathing panicked as his hands went to his wrists instinctively. The bruises on them had been gone for years now, though the pain was still there sometimes when he closed his eyes. When reality settled over him he lay back into his pillows with a few muttered profanities. Levi's alarm was relentless and unmerciful, and though eight o'clock was not particularly early it didn't stop him from growling as he slapped his phone into silence. _Fuck._ He brushed the hair out of his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face with a resigned sigh. Mute rays of sun shone around the edges of his wooden blinds, reminding him that he could not, in fact, stay in bed all day wallowing in misery. Levi made no move to get up, listening to the soft whirring sound of his ceiling fan, feeling the blankets tangled around his legs, basking in the relative dark and quiet of the morning. The weight of the day pressed down on him, just the thought of dressing and working out and showering and eating making him tired beyond words. A herculean series of quests for which there was little reward._ _ _ _ _

_____It took more effort each and every day to get out of bed and go through the motions of his life. All he had ever wanted was to be an author, but he did not want to live off his parents while he tried to create something worthwhile. He had to have something of his own, to be able to work without answering to anyone but himself. Levi needed to run his own business to do that, and the only thing he gave a fuck about besides writing was books. When he realized his best option would be to own a bookstore it consumed his every waking moment. His ex told him repeatedly how stupid it was to try open that kind of place when everything was going digital, that he would never succeed. After everything that had happened, part of what had driven him so hard was the thought of proving that fucker wrong. The day those doors finally opened... Levi had never felt such a sense of accomplishment before. He was _proud_ of his stupid, trite little store, even more happy when it was actually successful and he was able to pay back his parents the money they had given him to get started. It had taken couple of years to do so, but now Titan Books was profitable, customers of all kinds filing in and out each day. For awhile Levi had been pretty close to happy, satisfied at the very least, running his business and keeping to himself. Weeks, months, years later and the daily repetition was starting to grate on him. He barely even worked on his writing anymore, mind going blank and vacant each time he sat down at his computer. There was an overwhelming sense of discontent, a fog of unhappiness that followed him everywhere he went. Wake up, go to work, deal with Erwin and Hange's harassment, go home. Rinse, repeat. Over and over. Levi's life was _boring,_ and he of all people should've been happy about that. He hated surprises, hated dealing with the unexpected, could barely tolerate people well enough to do his job. Routine was a good thing, or so he had thought. Levi tried to blame it on his work, but it was worse at night when he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, clutching at his chest. There was an ache there that never went away, knifed into his very being. No matter what he did, nothing filled it, and each time he crawled under his blankets it seemed larger. A gravity of its own inside him, pulling all that he was within to swallow him whole. One day he would disappear completely. _ _ _ _ _

_____Levi finally threw his feet over the side of the bed and stood, ready to face another day of mind numbing office bullshit, followed by staring at his laptop angrily and willing words from his fingers that would never come._ _ _ _ _

_____.................................................................._ _ _ _ _

_____If it was possible to strangle someone over the phone, Levi would be doing it to his mother with gusto. The day had gone on and on, and now that the store was closing he was ready to pack it up and go home. The only people in the shop were he and Erwin, as Hange was off for the day, along with one of his employees cleaning and straightening shelves. Erwin did not work at his shop but at an office nearby, doing God knows what. Levi's brain started to tune out when he started talking about it, and even now he couldn't tell you exactly how he made his living, but he was often at the store in the evenings._ _ _ _ _

_____It had to be Jaeger working today, because of course it did. Bright eyes and a tangle of jewelry on his wrists and his neck, in his ears and his tongue. The pile of necklaces he wore was not always constant, but Levi had never seen him without a mass of bracelets on his left wrist. Sometimes his nails were painted, black or red or dark purple. Levi had a feeling that his sister was the one who painted them, but it suited him more than it had any right to. His hair was wild, looking like he had always just come in out of the wind, or crawled out of bed, and there was something _endearing_ about it. Levi blinked a few times, forcing his eyes down to the desk and making a fairly futile attempt to pay attention to the shrill voice echoing out of his phone._ _ _ _ _

_____Levi's mother was prattling on in his ear for the fourth time in as many days, the same things every single time without fail. Levi loved his mother, he truly did, especially after all she had done for him. His parents did not bat an eye when he came out as gay, instead putting a fucking rainbow flag in the yard of their mansion and going to pride rallies when even he did not. They created a scholarship for underprivileged gay youths, helping them get to college if their parents had disowned them or they were living in poverty. When Levi informed them he did not want to follow in their footsteps and become a doctor or a surgeon but wanted to write and open his own bookstore, they told him to do whatever made him happy. The pair never stopped throwing money and gifts at him, and despite telling them he did not want them to support him in any way, he had a bank account that was frankly ridiculous. No matter what he said or did they funneled cash into it each month, even though he never touched it. After borrowing the money to open his store he had paid them back every dime, despite their loud protests that it was unnecessary. Levi resided in the home he had grown up in before his parents bought their current house and moved to be closer to the hospital. They never sold the other property, and when Levi turned eighteen they handed him the keys. His mother had looked so pleased with herself that he couldn't find it in himself to refuse, and there was something soothing about residing in those familiar walls. Other than that he pulled his own weight, living on the money he himself made and taking great satisfaction in it. He tried to indulge his parents whenever possible, but his patience had a limit, and his mother was testing it severely. Finally he interrupted her with a sigh of irritation._ _ _ _ _

_____"Mom. I refuse to allow you to do this. I do not want to be set up with some doctor, or doctor's son, or, as you put it, 'a sexy gay male nurse'."_ _ _ _ _

_____"You could play doctor and it wouldn't be-"_ _ _ _ _

_____"STOP." He heard her laugh quietly, could almost see the smile on her face when he closed his eyes. God, he loved her and wanted to choke her at the same time._ _ _ _ _

_____"Levi, I'm just trying to help. You haven't dated anyone in so long, and we have that charity event coming up next weekend, I just thought-"_ _ _ _ _

_____"MOTHER. NO." Erwin picked that moment to walk through the door of his office, a grin on his face as he leaned against the wall, thoroughly enjoying Levi's suffering as always. Stupid giant blonde bastard managed to find the worst possible times to show up. He heard his mother click her tongue at him in annoyance. _The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.__ _ _ _ _

_____"Levi. If you come to the gala next weekend without a date, I am going to start sending eligible young gentlemen to your store to meet you whether you like it or not." Her voice went soft then, and he couldn't even muster up the outrage he knew he should be feeling. "I know you're lonely, baby. You don't want to admit it, and you don't want to be hurt again. But you're a great kid, you're funny and handsome and successful, and your sarcasm is top notch. I know you had a rough time before, but it's been years now. How long are you going to make yourself miserable?" Levi put his head in his hands, tugging at his dark hair, willing himself not to scream, not to use that razor sharp tongue of his to tear his mother open._ _ _ _ _

_____"As long as I feel like it. Miserable is my natural state." That elicited a bark of a laugh from Erwin, who was eavesdropping shamelessly._ _ _ _ _

_____"Well, then I should be able to make you miserable too. Bring a date, or be ready to meet young doctors who like books and coffee."_ _ _ _ _

_____"Mom-"_ _ _ _ _

_____"I have some good pictures of you on my cell, and several candidates in mind. Date, or you can meet them. Your choice. Love you, baby!" She hung up on him. _That bitch._ Levi threw his phone onto his desk in disgust, listening to it impact with a dull thud as he rolled his head in circles to ease the stress in his neck. Muscles that his mother had caused to tighten with her prying and plotting. Erwin's voice was wry when he spoke, laughter held in check but just barely._ _ _ _ _

_____"What did your mother have to say this time?" Levi slammed his head into the desk, leaving it there to muffle his words as he answered._ _ _ _ _

_____"They have that charity thing next weekend, I already told them I would go."_ _ _ _ _

_____"And? You've gone before, right? No big deal?" He turned his head to the side, temple resting against the cool wood, hair falling down into his face. Levi did not sit up, just looked through the dark strands out the door of his office, where Eren was meticulously dusting shelves. His eyes followed him longer than strictly necessary, as they always did. _Fucking Hange._ Levi had told her not to hire Eren, so of course she did it anyway to spite him. If he had not been so good at cleaning or so reliable when they needed someone to come in to work, Levi would've insisted they let him go. He was a goddamned distraction, eyes like gemstones pointed at Levi every time he turned around. Levi assumed he must make Eren nervous like everyone else, but he still had a hard time tugging his gaze away. Erwin pulled him out of his reverie with a dark chuckle._ _ _ _ _

_____"Eren's been watching you even more than usual today, Levi." He was not doing this. Not now, not ever. Levi rolled his forehead back and forth over the surface of the desk, groaning before finally sitting up._ _ _ _ _

_____"Mom says if I don't bring a date with me she's gonna start sending guys here to meet me." With that Erwin was laughing hard, not even trying to reign himself in._ _ _ _ _

_____"Oh God, she'll do it, too. You're screwed."_ _ _ _ _

_____"You could come with me. No one would ask questions."_ _ _ _ _

_____"Since when is your mother the damn neurosurgeon an idiot? How long has she known me? Even your dad would call you out on that one. Besides, who in their right mind would look at the two of us interacting and think there was any chance in hell we were dating?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"Fuck." Erwin was right, and Levi damn well knew it. He stared at the ceiling, willing some sort of solution into his brain when there was none to be had. Levi couldn't just ask some random person to go with him, there was no way he could manage to be nice to a stranger for that long. They'd be telling him to go fuck himself before they were even at the event hall, let alone be able to convincingly introduce them to his mother as his date. Erwin nudged his shoulder, causing him to blink and lean back, looking at him upside down where he stood behind Levi._ _ _ _ _

_____"What?" Erwin's eyes darted over to the door suggestively, and when Levi righted himself he saw Eren standing there, looking uncertain of himself. There was something different about him today, and it took a few moments for Levi to put his finger on it. Those messy brown locks were less wild than normal, though there was probably nothing on earth that could tame them down completely. Eren was wearing different earrings, not the black gauges he normally had in his ears but something that looked like jade, a swirling green stone that complimented those eyes, making them almost glow. The mass of bracelets on his left wrist looked different than those he usually had on as well, less worn. He'd never seen Eren wearing a button up either, now that he thought about it. He always had on a t-shirt, or a hooded sweatshirt if it was cold in the shop. Maybe he had a date after work, though Levi was pretty sure he wasn't going out with anyone officially. He'd never seen him with anyone other than his sister and that little blonde kid they lived with. Then Erwin cleared his throat, and he realized that he'd been staring at Eren for awhile without saying anything. "What is it, Jaeger? Finished up so soon?" The time clock was in the office, but if he was done he usually would've just waited for the night manager to get ready to lock up. No one stayed at the shop alone at night, not even Levi, just on principle._ _ _ _ _

_____"Yeah, I'm ah... I'm done. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." Levi looked around, holding his arms out as he shrugged._ _ _ _ _

_____"Sure, kid. Talk." Eren looked pointedly at Erwin, then back at Levi before his eyes went to the floor. He clasped his hands behind his back, shifting his weight nervously._ _ _ _ _

_____"Privately?" Levi was going to tell him to spit it the fuck out, but Erwin was already out the door, ever the polite bastard. Eren looked as though he was ready to run, spooked like an animal in the forest. Was Eren going to quit on him? It seemed like he enjoyed his job well enough, and he was certainly good at it. If they had to replace him it would be a pain in the ass to find someone else who was always willing to come in on such short notice. Still he remained silent, biting his lip as he looked up at Levi, who couldn't take his eyes of those teeth where they sank into his mouth. _Fuck, Levi, he's a kid, get a grip._ "You had something to say, Jaeger?" Eren took a deep breath, steeling himself before bringing that bright eyed stare to lock with Levi's own. He smiled, and fuck but he _never_ smiled that way, wide and full and blinding. Eren was always so reserved, quiet and lost in himself, sad almost. That grin made Levi's breath catch in his throat._ _ _ _ _

_____"Go out on a date with me, Levi." Levi was rarely rendered speechless, but in that moment he had no words anywhere in him. _What the fuck did he just say?__ _ _ _ _

_____"E-excuse me?" Instead of faltering that smile just went impossibly wider, lopsided and confident. None of the unsure shifting or hands that could not decide where they should be. Where had all that awkward hesitance gone?_ _ _ _ _

_____"Go out with me. Please." Levi thought Eren was fucking with him, but then his eyes glinted, a hint of sharp desperation buried in those ocean depths. He was completely serious about this. In fact, Levi had never seen him look so serious about anything before._ _ _ _ _

_____"I'm your boss. I can't date an employee." That was a reasonable answer, right? Never mind that he owned the store and could do what he damn well pleased, short of sexually harassing his workers. Anything to get away from Eren before he could hear how fast Levi's heart was beating, like a teenage girl asked to dance for the first time. He felt his face starting to flush a little. Eren was not deterred in the slightest, response immediate, as though he had anticipated Levi would say that and had an answer ready._ _ _ _ _

_____"Hange is really more like my boss, I only work with you maybe a day or two a week. It's been five days since I've even seen you." Yeah, and there was a reason for that. Levi worked on Eren's days off, and made sure he had shifts to work on Levi's own. That way he didn't have to fight to keep his eyes off the little shit while he cleaned and stocked and made coffee. It was just simpler that way, and even if it made Levi a coward, it also made his life easier._ _ _ _ _

_____"You're barely legal. What are you, twenty? I'm twenty eight, Jaeger. I'm too old for you." Eren was shaking his head, fiddling with the bracelets on his wrist, moving up on the balls of his feet under Levi's stare._ _ _ _ _

_____"Actually, I'm twenty four. Any other arbitrary objections to throw my way?" _This little shit.__ _ _ _ _

_____"Is it that obvious that I'm gay?" _Is it that obvious I'm gay for you?_ Another shrug._ _ _ _ _

_____"It is when you work with Hange." Fucking Hange. Levi opened his mouth to shoot Eren down, tell him that he was too good of an employee to lose because of some stupid fling, when he heard his mother's voice running through his head. _'Bring a date or be ready to meet young doctors who like books and coffee.'_ And here was just that, a date, jumping into his lap. Shit. Eren was still looking at Levi with that raw determination in his face, but it seemed like he was ready to be refused. His mouth was pressed into a tight line now, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. Levi would have never thought Eren had it in him to do this. He'd clearly underestimated him._ _ _ _ _

_____"My mother has a charity thing next weekend. Black tie fancy doctor bullshit. I need a date, or she's gonna try and set me up with guys she knows, which I do not want." The transformation of his expression from resignation to realization was _breathtaking._ Those eyes lit up from within, disbelieving smile spreading wide until Levi could see a dimple on one of his cheeks that he hadn't known was there. Then a shadow crossed over his face before it fell slightly._ _ _ _ _

_____"I don't have a suit, or a tux, or anything." Levi just looked at Eren like he was stupid, shaking his head._ _ _ _ _

_____"Of course you don't, I'd make sure you had something to wear. So, you coming or not?" A sly look crept over his features._ _ _ _ _

_____"I'll go on your date if you go on mine. No offense to you or your parents, but hanging around with a bunch of rich old people is not prime date material." Somehow Levi felt like Eren was getting the better of him, and it sort of pissed him off. A little. Not as much as it should. He sighed._ _ _ _ _

_____"Fine, you little-" Eren interrupted him before he could throw out any insults._ _ _ _ _

_____"Buying a suit also does not qualify as a date. Just so we're clear." Levi's mouth dropped open in surprise. Eren had some balls, and while he respected that, he also wanted to hit him. Just a couple times. Not in the face, or anything._ _ _ _ _

_____"You're a cocky bastard."_ _ _ _ _

_____"I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain." Well if that wasn't stupidly romantic, and also just stupid all on its own, Levi didn't know what was._ _ _ _ _

_____"What about your job? I mean, I could've said no and fired you."_ _ _ _ _

_____"You wouldn't." His face said that wasn't quite all, but Levi wasn't about to ask about it. Instead he looked at the schedule hanging on the wall, verifying that Eren was off work the night of the charity event, which he was, checking to see when they both worked for the next few days. He could not believe he was agreeing to this. Eren had defeated him in some basic way that he should've seen coming. Somehow he'd managed to get Levi to willingly go out with him, not once or twice but three separate times, albeit one being for his own benefit. _You're losing it, Levi.__ _ _ _ _

_____"I wouldn't say no or I wouldn't fire you?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"You wouldn't fire me. You're not that petty. Maybe you would've cut my hours back to avoid seeing me for awhile or something." _This. Fucking. Kid._ Levi really wanted to knock him around a little for being such a perceptive little bastard._ _ _ _ _

_____"My mom's gala is on Saturday, a week from today. I'm off this coming up Monday, and you get off at seven, we can go get your suit after that as long as you're free. You're off work Tuesday, and I'm done here at five, if you want to go out then. That good with you?" Eren pulled out his phone, typing something in, swiping a few times before he nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____"That's perfect." He looked up, getting that shy look on his face once again. "Ah, I have your number already, for work and all, but.. is it okay if I text you?" Someone had pulled the rug out from under Levi, leaving him spinning in erratic circles. _What the hell is happening?_ The words were out before he could stop them._ _ _ _ _

_____"Don't go crazy." He smiled again, bright and pure, unfettered joy. Eren looked like Levi had just given him the whole world, the moon and sun and stars, all the galaxies twisting in the heavens just for him. Levi hadn't known it was possible for him to make someone that damned happy, and it did strange things to him inside._ _ _ _ _

_____"Thank you, Levi. I didn't expect you to say yes. I'm really happy." He blushed, as though he hadn't really meant to say that last bit. "Ah, Erwin's here, so I'm gonna go, if that's okay." Levi wasn't too sure of his voice, so he just nodded and made a dismissive gesture at the brunette. Then Eren bit his lip, stepping forward to _ _ruffle Levi's fucking hair__ before he turned on his heel and pretty much ran for the door. He didn't even remember to clock out, now Levi would have to go log into the payroll system and change it manually. He couldn't even find it in himself to be angry amidst all his shock. Eren had just asked him on a date, gotten the better of him in every way, petting him like a dog and then running off as though he was escaping somehow. Levi put his elbows on the desk, resting his face in his hands, eyes wide as he tried to process what had just happened. If his brain could make noise, it would be empty clicking, an engine trying and failing to turn over._ _ _ _ _

_____"So, Levi...." He jolted at Erwin's voice, looking up guiltily at his friend but unable to say anything for long moments. _Fuck.__ _ _ _ _

_____"I guess you heard all that." Erwin just smirked, leaning against the door frame as Levi ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to tame it down where Eren had messed it up._ _ _ _ _

_____"That kid is dangerous. I don't think I've ever seen anyone manipulate you like that. I like him, I can't wait to tell Hange." Levi was shooting daggers at his friend with his eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____"Don't you fucking _dare._ "_ _ _ _ _

_____"Oh, your threats don't scare me Levi. I'm immune. She'll find out sooner or later, anyway, you know she and Eren are really close. Hange talks about you to him all the time. Maybe she knew something we didn't."_ _ _ _ _

_____"She knows a lot we don't, most of it batshit crazy."_ _ _ _ _

_____"I bet she knew that your employee had a crush on you." Levi felt his face flush, and hated himself for it._ _ _ _ _

_____"Let's get the fuck out of here, Erwin. I think I need a drink."_ _ _ _ _

_____But Levi did not go with Erwin to get a drink, or anywhere else for that matter. They walked to their cars together, Erwin giggling and making jokes the entire way. He went home, eating some leftovers out of his fridge and taking another shower before he climbed into bed. His hand went up to his chest automatically, but the ache that was usually there was nowhere to be seen. Levi didn't even notice its absence, just stared up at the ceiling in the quiet darkness of his room. All he could think about was Eren and his ridiculously happy grin. He was almost asleep when his phone buzzed, and he cursed under his breath. Erwin had already told Hange, and now he would have to listen to it vibrate over and over as she mass texted him all sorts of questions and mocking commentary. Levi reached over to silence his notifications, only to see the name lit up on his phone wasn't hers._ _ _ _ _

_____**Jaeger: Goodnight, Levi.** _ _ _ _ _

_____Well, damn. Levi had not honestly thought that he would work up enough courage to text him at all, let alone an hour after he had given him permission. He was impressed, and though he shouldn't encourage Eren, he found he also couldn't leave him hanging._ _ _ _ _

_____**Levi: Goodnight, Eren.** _ _ _ _ _

_____His thoughts were full of bright green eyes as sleep pulled him under._ _ _ _ _


	3. Not Ready

Eren was off the Sunday after he asked Levi out, and he was glad, because he was losing it. He had zero confidence in his ability to deal with customers, or make coffee without burning his fingers off, even if Levi wasn't going to be working that shift with him. Eren had text Levi goodnight in a moment of rash bravery, cursing himself afterwards and not really expecting a reply. He was groaning into a pillow in embarrassment when his phone buzzed, and never in a million years did he expect it to be Levi. Then Levi told him goodnight, and it might as well have been 'I love you', because his heartbeat went wild and erratic as he stared at his phone like it was some priceless jewel.

When Eren lay in bed that night clutching his cell to his chest like a lovesick idiot, he realized how close he had come to ending his life and felt his gut twisting in fresh panic. He also came to understand how much of a mistake it would've been, and not just because he was going on a date Levi. Even Eren knew there was something fundamentally unhealthy about letting your very existence ride on such an arbitrary decision. When his darkest thoughts took over, it truly seemed like death would be better than suffering this sharp misery day after day, and it was only later when he came out of himself that he could see how wrong he was each time. When Levi had said yes, he had given Eren his life back without even knowing it, a handful of words pulling him back from the edge. He felt like he owed him somehow, though he knew he would probably never have the courage to tell Levi all this. It wasn't the first time something small and nearly insignificant had kept him alive, but it was the first time there was a face behind his anchor.

Eren woke up that Sunday close to noon after staying up too late just staring at the darkness in his room with his mind full of black hair and gray eyes, and for a few moments he thought it had all been a dream, too perfect to be real. Then he looked at his phone, the message from Levi inarguable proof that it had in fact happened, and started freaking in earnest. For about half of the day he was on the edge of panic attack, having to make himself slow down and just _breathe._ Breathe through the shakes and the tightness in his chest. Breathe through the nausea, and the sense of impending doom. If Eren couldn't keep his shit together at home just thinking about it, how was he going to get through a date without making an ass of himself? He pulled clothes from his closet and dug through them seeking something presentable, both to shop for a suit and for going on his actual date. Eren didn't so much decide on what to wear as give up, tossing the least offensive jeans and a pair of black cargo pants on his bed, along with the only other button up shirts he owned. They were both solid colors, one black while the other was a dark forest green, but they were nice enough and Eren was going to throw up if he didn't stop stressing over it. His other clothes were piled unceremoniously back into the abyss of his closet from whence they came, and he lay those he had chosen out on his desk so he would remember to rewash them and get the wrinkles out. Or so he told himself, anyway. Eren would forget about getting ready for this right after he forgot how to breathe, or how to pump the blood through his veins.

He already knew where he would take Levi on Tuesday after work, and making the arrangements for it was a simple as a few text messages to Jean asking for help. His friend was so surprised that he was actually going on a date with someone that he was eager to assist, if only to get a peek at who it was, since Eren wouldn't tell him. He did have to go buy a few things, but it wasn't overly expensive and he was back at home within an hour. Levi's parents were offensively rich, or so Hange had told him, and though he lived off of his own profits from the shop he did not really want for anything. Coupled with the fact that Eren was exceedingly broke, there was not anything he could give the guy that would be useful in any real way, and he was beginning to feel desperate. Worthless. He was not suitable for someone like Levi, did not deserve to even want him as his own, let alone date him. Those black shadows were creeping back into his mind from the corners where they lay in wait when inspiration struck and he was running into the room where Armin's grandfather's belongings were stored.

The next several hours were spent sitting on his bedroom floor surrounded by books and scissors and glue, staring at his phone screen and reading instructions that were written by people with talent and patience far exceeding his own. When he was finally satisfied with his creation, after two failed attempts had gone into the trash, even he would admit that it was pretty awesome. Emotions warred inside of him, feeling proud and wanting to show someone what he had made, and then thinking he should hide it somewhere so he wouldn't have to explain why he had made it. He took a picture of it but in the end his masterpiece ended up wrapped in a plastic grocery bag in the drawer of his desk, awaiting his date with Levi.

Eren cleaned up the impressive mess that he had made in the floor of his room, putting everything back where he'd gotten it before he found himself sitting on his bed, holding his laptop. It was a few minutes before he realized exactly what he was doing, and even he felt surprised as he turned it on, plugging it into an outlet so the worthless battery wouldn't go dead. When he opened up a new document and started typing, it felt like he had come home after a long time away, and Eren was glad to be there. He had an idea he had been toying with before, but nothing ever came of it, his mind going blank each time he tried to mold it into a story. Now the words flowed out of him, fingers barely able to keep up with his mind as they flew across the keyboard. Eren was not thinking of what he should write, or which phrases to use, what characters should emerge or when things should happen. It was pouring out of him without effort, the story writing itself out on the screen in front of him almost without his consent. There was beauty in the way things were born this way, shaped somewhere in between his mind and his hands, absent thought yet full of soul.

Eren lost himself in those words, and hours had passed without him noticing. He was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't hear Mikasa and Armin come in their noisy front door, or climb up the creaking staircase calling his name. Finally they were both standing in his open doorway, staring at him with only the clacking of the keys to break the silence. Still he kept his eyes glued to the screen, oblivious to their presence until Mikasa spoke, shaking him from his reverie.

"Eren?" Eren jolted, blinking as he looked up at his sister and Armin in shock.

"Oh, fuck! You scared the hell out of me!" Then he smiled, broad and bright, and his friends both looked at each other with a confused expression. "How was your trip? What was it, a museum or something?" Eren was saving his work, powering off the laptop and setting it on the table next to his bed before standing up. He stretched, muscles sore from sitting in the same position for so long typing. Armin's voice was hesitant when it came out.

"Yeah, it was fine. Are you okay?" Eren's eyebrows shot up, questioning.

"Ah, sure. I'm fine. Why?" Another sideways glance at each other, before turning those suspicious gazes on Eren again.

"You were writing." He looked at his laptop, then back at Mikasa with a shrug. Eren knew it had been a long time since he had written anything, but he figured they would see it as a good thing. Right now they were looking at him like he was a snake about to strike.

"Yeah? Is that bad?" His sister's eyes were keen, and he cringed as he saw them taking in the clothes on his desk. Eren hadn't been planning on telling them about his date until tomorrow after he got back from shopping with Levi. Now he would have to deal with their questions and harassment for an entire extra day, and when his friends wanted to know something they were relentless. It's not that he didn't want to tell them he was going out. He just wasn't sure he wanted to admit to who he was going with. Mikasa would probably throw a fit if she knew he was trying to date his boss, telling him he should value his job more, not put it at risk after losing so many. But hey, at least I didn't kill myself, right? Yeah, that would go over really well with these two, he was sure of it.

"No. It's good. Why do you have clothes laid out on your desk?"

"If I say, 'no reason' are you going to leave me alone?" Mikasa shook her head, and Eren looked to Armin for help to no avail. Instead the useless fucker looked more curious than his sister, waiting for Eren to answer with bated breath. That stony gaze of hers darted up and down her brother, seeing more than he wanted it to see.

"You changed your earrings. And your bracelets. Necklaces, too." She stared at him in that way she had, willing him to tell her what she wanted to know without specifically asking. Not this time. She would have to spit it out if she wanted the answers. "Did you go on a date, Eren?" Well....

"No, I did not go on a date, actually." Armin's eyes narrowed, looking at Eren's clothes spread out on his desk then back at him.

"Do you have a date planned?" Eren bit his lip and looked at the floor, and that was as good as saying yes. "Oh my God, you have a date! When?"

"Tuesday. Ah, and Saturday. Also I kind of have plans for tomorrow, but it's not really a date. I don't think." Mikasa's eyes looked like they were about to fall out of her head, questions coming rapid fire from her mouth.

"Holy shit, Eren. With who? What happened while we were gone? I thought you had to work yesterday. Did they ask you out then?"

"I asked them out. I did have to work, I asked them at the store." What happened while we were gone? He felt guilty for not telling her about what he'd almost done to them, how he'd come so close to making one more try to end it all. The words were stones in his mouth, and he could not get them out. They stuck in his throat, heavy and unmoving. Eren thought he might get away with only answering a few of their questions, but Armin was not fooled by his distractionary tactics.

"WITH WHO?" Eren sighed, looking at the ceiling before turning his eyes back towards them.

"I don't want to tell you guys. You'll freak out. I can't deal with it right now."

"Well that just makes us want to know even more!" Mikasa's voice was too loud, making even her wince.

"If I tell you who, will you promise not to say another word about it until at least tomorrow night after I come back?" The pair looked at each other, silently debating whether they wanted to agree to such a condition or not. Finally Armin shrugged in defeat.

"Sure. We promise." Eren looked at Mikasa, waiting for her to nod. A frustrated expression crossed her face before she threw her hands into the air.

"Ugh! Fine, just fucking TELL US!" He took a deep breath, gathering his courage, reaching for words.

"It's Levi, the shop owner. I asked Levi out on a date." Their faces were priceless and Eren wished he had gotten a camera ready beforehand to take a picture. They both started to speak at once, Oh my God, why did you do that, are you crazy, before Eren cut them off with a shout.

"HEY!" His voice echoed through the room, loud and leaving no room for argument, but his next words came out tight and shaky. "Tomorrow, when I get back, I will answer whatever you ask me. But right now..." Eren shrugged, and he hated the tears that came into his eyes, blinking furiously in a vain attempt to keep them at bay. They should be celebrating with him, and instead they were caught up in how worried they were about it. Worried because they looked at him and saw weakness. Fragility. It shamed him inside down to his very bones that instead of being able to rely on him for anything they were constantly in fear that he would be hurt somehow. Still, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this excited about anything. "Can you just be happy for me? How long has it been since I liked anyone, let alone wanted to go on a date?" The pair both knew the answer without having to think. In fucking high school, senior year right before the last time he got his ass kicked, hurt so badly that he'd ended up hospitalized and hadn't even been able to go. Mikasa's eyes softened, and suddenly they were both pulling Eren into a hug, squeezing him so tight that he could not breathe. Those tears coursed down his face then, dripping onto his sister's clothes as he fought the urge to shake.

"We are happy for you. We're just worried. Me and Armin don't want you to get hurt." He buried his face in Mikasa's shoulder, feeling Armin's hand fist itself in his messy hair. Eren took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice.

"I know. But maybe this will be something good. I want it to be."

 

They stood there for so long that Eren's neck started to hurt from the position it was in, pressing into his sister's neck, but he could not find it in himself to pull back. He was tired of being a weight bearing down on his friends, and more than once he had sought to free them from that burden by dying. It had been a mistake. The only way he could really set them free was by living better. Brighter, without so many shadows living in his eyes.

So that's what he would do. One day at a time.

....................................................................

Eren crawled into bed early despite not being tired, wanting to escape his sister and Armin and their eyes that begged to ask questions he would not answer. He was nervous about Mikasa trying to say something to Levi, threaten him in that passive aggressive way of hers when he had done nothing wrong. She promised that she wouldn't even talk to him, but he didn't know if he could trust her to keep her word. They were already casually mentioning the homework they had to do, and somehow Eren had a feeling they would be at the bookstore tomorrow after their classes, which was fine with him. Levi did not work that day, and they would only see him in passing as Eren walked out the door to leave with him. He hadn't told him where he was going the next evening, or on their dates, and it was killing them, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Instead he sat in the dark with his blankets pulled up around his neck, holding his phone, staring at the black screen and trying to find that impulsive courage he'd had last night. _Just do it. One text isn't going to make him cancel your plans. Grow some balls._ He took a deep breath, unclenching his fist and sending out a message so fast that he did not have time to reconsider.

**Jaeger: See you tomorrow, Levi.**

Suddenly he felt that raw panic shoot through him, sharp and suffocating. Breathe. Eren counted to ten, taking slow breaths with each number, in and out. In and out. After a few long minutes, he'd finally calmed himself enough that he didn't feel shaky. When the phone buzzed in his hand, he dropped it with a start, cringing as it slid off the bed and clattered to the floor. Idiot. When he retrieved it and lit up the screen, his breath caught for a moment before a smile split his face.

**Levi: See you tomorrow. Hopefully you clean up nice.**

Eren set his phone on the bedside table, curling his hands up into his chest as he rolled over on his side. There was no way in hell he would be able to send Levi another text tonight. His fingers would be all over the screen, fumbling and uncooperative. There was also no chance he would be sleeping any time soon, and that was okay with him.

His mind was full of Levi, and there were worse things to lose sleep over than a face like that.

Eren should know.


	4. Out of Place

Levi was sitting in his car down the block from Titan Books, furious with himself as he had to _work up the nerve_ to enter his own fucking shop. It was six thirty, and though Eren did not get off until seven Levi had forgotten to finalize a purchase order from one of his vendors on Friday. If he did not do it today before he went with Jaeger to buy a suit, it would be another whole week before he got the new volumes, and then he would probably be murdered by a horde of angry fanboys. But instead of walking down the street and into the shop as he had a thousand times, he was staring in his rear view mirror, fighting the urge to smooth down his hair. _Fuck, Levi. Get yourself together._ Eren had texted him goodnight the last two evenings in a row, and Levi did not know what to make of him, or the way those simple words on his screen made him feel dizzy inside. Eren had been working for him for months, barely made a sound when Levi was around, never spoke to him about anything that wasn't work related, didn't ask any personal questions, nothing. Now out of nowhere he was asking out his boss, looking eager and completely unabashed. Levi liked to think he could read people pretty well, but apparently he was wrong in this case. Eren had him tied up in knots without breaking a sweat, and for the second time in less than three days he felt like he'd lost a battle he didn't know he was fighting.

Yeah, Levi definitely wanted to hit him.

Finally he threw himself out of his vehicle, stalking to door of the store with a scowl on his face. His hand went up on its own to run through his hair, and he swore to himself as he realized what he had done. Levi took a deep breath, willing that ever present expression of disinterest across his features before he opened to door and walked inside. His eyes darted around of their own volition, seeking out Eren automatically despite that being the last thing he needed to do, the very thing he'd told himself _not_ to do. When Levi's gaze settled on that familiar form standing behind the counter of the coffee bar, those green eyes were already on him, a smile slowly creeping across Eren's face. He didn't say hi, or wave, or do anything awkward and strange like Levi had expected him to. He just nodded, biting at his lip before he went back to the drink he was making for a customer, focusing harder than was necessary to make a latte. No, it was Levi who couldn't pull his stare away from Eren for some reason he could not fathom, taking in those messy strands and that tanned skin with new eyes. His hair was more than one color, russet and rust, and Levi wondered what it would look like with the sun shining in it, what hues would light up with those bright rays. When Eren handed the customer their coffee he looked up, noticing that Levi was still standing there in the entryway, staring at him like a damned idiot. Eren was too far away for Levi to tell for sure, but it looked like he blushed as he crouched down behind the counter, digging through the cabinets below.

Levi shook his head, running a hand over his mouth with a sigh as he turned to head towards his office, only to have his steps falter when he looked up. Eren's sister and their little blonde friend were seated on one of the couches that divided the bookstore from the coffee shop, smirking at Levi like he had just done a trick of some sort. He had the urge to swear at them, tell them to fuck off with those stupid expressions, but he held back. Levi didn't know them that well, had barely spoken to them before outside of a handful of polite greetings, and they lived with Eren. The three were siblings more than friends, and things would be easier for him if they didn't hate him. _Easier for what?_

"Jesus fucking Christ." Levi hated those amused faces, but mostly he hated himself for letting someone turn him into a moron without even trying. His feet were finally obeying him, carrying him towards his office as he muttered more profanities to himself. When he went through the door he had a moment of relief, before it fled from him in a rush.

"Leeeeviiiii!! What are you doing here on your day off?" Hange sat behind the desk with papers spread out in front of the computer before her, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. There was no way Erwin kept a lid on something like this for two whole days. She knew damn well what he was doing here, and if Hange expected him to say it she didn't know him as well as she thought.

"Get the fuck out of my seat, bitch. I need to finalize an order and check on some shipments." She got up from the chair behind the desk, perching on its surface to swing her feet wildly back and forth.

"Is that all you came to do, Mr. Ackerman, sir?" Hange bit her lip, fingers tapping against the desk, giddy with anticipation for Levi's answer. He was trying to ignore her, opening up the application he needed to push his orders through, changing quantities, checking the availability of the books he wanted. "Or perhaps you had an ulterior motive?"

"Stop."

"But I enjoy it." Levi sighed, gripping the edge of the wood with his fingers and rolling his eyes so hard he thought they might get lost in his skull. He forced his fingers back to the keys as he spoke, wondering how on earth he had ended up with _Erwin_ and _Hange_ as his best friends. Whatever diety there was watching over him must like to see him suffer.

"I know Erwin told you, since he is an asshole and apparently hates me, but I categorically fucking refuse to discuss this with you." She laughed, jumping up from the desk to back towards the door, a bounce in her step as she stood in the doorway.

"I'm just excited. I didn't think he'd ever get up the nerve to ask you. I had him figured all wrong, and now I can't wait to see what happens."

"I'll spare you the anticipation. Nothing happens. The end. Now would you kindly fuck off so I can finish this in time?"

"In time for your _date._ With _Eren._ " His hands came off the keyboard to clench into fists, eyes wrenching shut in frustration. Levi hadn't planned to yell, but his voice rang out much louder than intended.

"Goddamnit, Hange, get out of here!" Hange's face grew serious then, and she took a few steps forward to lean in close to Levi.

"Go easy on him, okay?" He didn't know what Hange was going on about, but his patience was long gone, and if she didn't give him a break soon he was going to start throwing punches.

"Hey, he started it." She leaned in closer, face barely a foot away from his own, expression earnest.

"Levi. I'm serious. Eren's..." Hange was searching for the right words, and that got Levi's attention faster than anything else ever could. She never hesitated when she spoke, always knew exactly which wrong thing she was about to say. Now she was choosing her phrases carefully, eyes looking everywhere but Levi as she tried to articulate what it is she wanted to tell him. When her gaze finally found his again, her brows were furrowed together, and she looked almost sad. "Eren is complicated. He's.... Cut him some slack. Trust me when I say that no one ever has, and he deserves a break. I like him, so be as nice as you are capable of being. Don't eat him, okay?" Then she was smiling that crazed smile again, winking at Levi with eyes that glittered in amusement. "Unless he asks, that is." Before he could respond she was bounding out of the room, running over to Eren to ruffle her fingers through his hair, speaking to him in a voice that didn't carry while eyeing Levi in a way that made him shift in his seat.

 _Complicated._

Coming from Hange, Levi had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but for her to go out of her way to say those things to him it had to be important to her. He wondered just what it was she had learned about Eren while Levi was too busy trying to pretend he wasn't staring. Next to the curiosity that was twisting through him was something darker, something that felt suspiciously like envy, and he shoved it down inside himself as he forced himself back to work. He wasn't jealous that Hange knew things about Eren that he did not.

He wasn't.

 

Levi lost track of time, getting absorbed not in thoughts of work but about Eren when he suddenly felt eyes on him and looked up. Eren was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest with a smile playing across his lips. Levi glanced up at the clock, realizing it was almost seven thirty already. He turned back towards Eren, feeling those green eyes on him like a physical touch and fighting a blush from his cheeks. 

"Sorry, got caught up in what I was doing. Clock out and we'll go." Levi stood up, stretching a bit to try and ease some of the tension out of his muscles, but Eren did not move.

"I already clocked out. You didn't notice." He narrowed his gaze on Eren, glancing at the time clock and back again. Eren had walked in front of his desk, clocked out, and walked back across the office to stand in the door and he hadn't even noticed? His mind had been so locked on Eren that he had not seen him go by. _Shit. You're losing it._

"How long have you been standing there?" He shrugged, raising his eyebrows just slightly.

"Awhile now. Ten minutes, maybe?" Levi glared at him, grabbing his car keys.

"What the hell for? You could've said something." Another shrug. Another fucking smirk. _Just one punch. Maybe in the jaw, kid looks like he could take it pretty well._

"I like to look at you." Levi blushed, hating the blood in his veins for existing, for heating his face the way it did. But Eren looked just as embarrassed, eyes heading for the ground, more surprised than anyone that those words had come out of his mouth.

"C'mon. Let's go play dress up."

Eren laughed, and Levi froze for a moment at the sound before forcing his feet forward. They headed out the door without a word to each other, Eren saying a quick goodbye to his sister as they passed and waving at the little blonde kid, who smiled back at them like an idiot. _God, save me from these stupid kids._ When they got to the car they both piled in, and Levi waited for the customary fawning over the extravagant vehicle his parents had given him for his birthday a couple of years before, only to be greeted by silence. He looked over to see Eren pressing the the eject button on his CD player, glancing at the disk inside before replacing it. Eren's eyes were all over the inside of the car, like he was searching for something and failing to find it. Levi started the car, backing out of his parking space and taking them out on the road. The shop he was headed for was not far, but they closed at eight thirty. They knew his parents very well, so if he called them and asked them to they would stay open for him, but he didn't want to be a pain in the ass.

"You need something?" Eren was shaking his head, meeting Levi's eyes with a grin.

"Not really. You just never talk about yourself. I'm trying to use context clues, here."

"Context clues. For what? Is this an English assignment?" 

"I'm trying to figure you out. It's harder than it looks." Levi was just staring at him like he was real mystery before pulling his eyes back to the road.

"You could just ask."

"And irritate the hell out of you."

"You do that anyway." 

"It's one of my skills." Levi shook his head. This little _smartass._

"Gotta have at least one, I guess." There was a bit of an awkward silence stretching between them before Eren broke it.

"So, how formal is this thing we're going to? Am I going to need to know how to eat with a dozen weird forks I've never seen before?"

"No, nothing like that. Fancy dinner, yes, but not too bad. Suits, not tuxedos, wine and a couple of speeches. We'll be sitting with my parents, probably just the four of us, it's not a huge event."

"You said it's a charity but never which one."

"I can't remember the name, my parents go to a bunch of these. This one is for children with different learning disabilities, neurological problems. My mother's a neurosurgeon. They usually don't drag me to all of them but it's been almost a year since I've gone, they go every couple months and my mother forced it on me. I feel bad saying no every time, so I gave in eventually." 

"It's good that you get along with your mom." Eren's voice sounded strange, and Levi wished more than anything that he could read that expression in the darkness.

"Sometimes I want to strangle her." 

Eren flinched hard, and even in the shadows of the car it was impossible to miss. He didn't say anything back, just started toying with the bracelets at his wrist, seeming to fold down into himself, taking up less space in the seat somehow. The quiet was thicker now, full of something intangible that Levi could not put his finger on, and it remained there until he pulled into the formal wear shop and killed the engine. They both got out wordlessly, and when they entered the store Eren let out a low whistle, glancing around like he'd never seen a damn suit before. He ran his fingers across a rack of jackets, pulling out a tag to glance at it before dropping it like he was being burned. The clerk greeted them, nodding at Levi in recognition but not moving to help him. Levi had been here enough times that the employee knew better than to make himself suffer.

"Damn, Levi. You sure about this? This is out of my league." Levi made a sound of annoyance at him, smacking him in the back of the head. If his hand lingered in those brown strands a moment longer than necessary, he didn't have to admit it, not even to himself.

"Idiot. Just pick out a damn suit already." Eren looked overwhelmed as he scratched at his hair, as though he was lost in the tiny shop, frozen in between the rows of fabric.

"I don't know where to start. Is there a 'default suit' setting I can switch on?"

"God, kid, I don't know what to do with you." Eren sighed, looking embarrassed as he looked back and forth helplessly.

"Just pick one for me Levi. You're paying for it anyway." 

"What are you, a toddler? Fine, go pick out some black dress shoes in your size. Do I need to tell you to try them on?"

"They go on my feet, right?" Levi cut his eyes over at Eren to catch him smiling, and it took more work than it usually did to keep his blank stare in place. He had to fight with the muscles of his face to keep from smiling back, and he wanted to hit himself. 

"Okay, smartass. Shoes, go."

Eren wandered over to the small section of footwear, at which point the clerk looked up at Levi questioningly. He nodded his head over at Eren and the guy took the hint, heading over to help him out. Levi was searching through the jackets and slacks, wondering at the Eren's sizes, trying to find the simplest suit he could find, but his mind was drifting. What the fuck did Eren want from him, exactly? All Levi ever did was snark at him, calling him names, glaring and sighing and growling under his breath. Eren just smiled and laughed and gave his attitude right back to him, but so much more gently than Levi had thought possible. He thought of what Hange had said, and wondered if she would sense him agreeing with her even miles away. Eren was complicated, and Levi wasn't sure he knew how to deal with it. He made it a point to push everyone away, and it worked great most of the time. Only Erwin and Hange had seemed impervious so far. Now Eren was here, with his eyes that were too damn bright and his hair that was impossibly soft, a smile etched into his features that was a world away from the disdainful smirk that Levi wore. Flashes of watching Eren work flitted through his mind, dealing with customers, making coffee, and Levi realized that Eren wasn't always smiling. _He's just always smiling at you._

Fucking hell.

Levi found a plain black suit, along with a black dress shirt that seemed like they might fit Eren. He brought a couple of different sizes just in case, ready to get out of this shop and away from Eren before he got him even more fucked up inside. Eren was handing a shoebox back to clerk, who carried it to the counter and set it down.

"Here. Try these on." He tossed the pile of clothes unceremoniously at Eren, who took them with hesitant hands, looking at them like they might come to life in his arms. "Dressing room's over there." Levi pointed to the back corner of the store, and Eren rushed off like he was grateful to get away from him. _That makes two of us._ He trailed after him, calling out through to door.

"Whichever one fits best, let me see. If there's anything off they can alter it. Sleeves too long or pants too short or whatever." Eren had said himself that he'd never worn a suit before, and Levi wasn't sure he'd know if it fit or not.

"O-okay." Fucking hell. Stuttering one minute and then saying some ridiculously charming bullshit the next. It was exhausting. Levi went over to the section of ties, hands unerringly seeking out the greens. They didn't have a color that pleased him completely, and that was when he realized he was trying to find one the same shade as those eyes. _Fuck, Levi._ He pulled out one with a sigh, light green with the barest hint of blue, and even without holding up next to Eren's face he knew it would make his eyes glow. Then he was scolding himself internally for what felt like the hundredth time that day, grateful when Eren's voice cut through his reverie,

"This one fits, but the... the sleeves are too short." Levi was speechless for a moment, gaze raking hungrily over the sight before him. Shit, that damn thing suited him way too well. He blinked a few times, shaking his head imperceptibly and walking over towards where Eren stood, shifting uncomfortably. Eren was tugging at the hem on his left arm, trying to pull it down farther than it needed to go. Levi eyed the suit, looking at the sleeves, pulling at the jacket.

"No, its fine. They're long enough." He didn't look pleased with that answer, but he filed back into the dressing room to change back into his clothes while Levi headed to the counter to lay down the tie along with some dress socks. Eren finally came back with the garments, handing them over to the clerk who zipped them into a bag and rang Levi up. Eren's eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his damned head as Levi handed over his credit card, but he didn't say anything.

"Shut up. It's fine. It'll be well worth it to see the look on my mom's face when she meets you. She'll fall all over herself." Levi glance over, and he was glad he did, because Eren was blushing like mad. Levi let out a bark of laugh, unable to stop himself. "Shit, look at you. All embarrassed and we're not even there yet. This could be fun." His cheeks went even brighter, and he looked down at his feet like they held all the answers in the world. "C'mon, let's go." 

Levi thrust the garment back at Eren, as well as the sack that held the socks and shoes. He took them, looking grateful for the distraction as they made their way back towards the car and climbed in. Instead of hanging it from the hooks in the backseat like someone normally would, Eren just held the bag awkwardly in his lap, but Levi didn't say anything. It wouldn't be a long enough drive to really wrinkle the thing, and he had a feeling that fucking suit would be treated like gold when the kid got it home. He looked at the clock, and it wasn't quite eight thirty yet. 

"Okay, so, you want to go back to the shop and head home with your friends later, or you want me to take you home?" It would probably be a pain in the ass to get to his house from the shop later with the suit and shoes, but if that's what he wanted to do Levi wouldn't stop him. Eren hesitated, biting his lip like he did when he was unsure, eyes darting around at nothing.

"Ah... I guess you can take me home? Mikasa and Armin are going to harass the fuck out of me for the rest of the night about this. At least I can escape them for a little while." All Levi could think about was Hange and Erwin, and how the four of them would probably kill to get together and make Eren and Levi miserable about this. He bit back the laughter, but couldn't stop the smile from spreading over his lips.

"Okay. Where do you live?" Eren rattled off the address, and as Levi drove towards it they talked about the charity dinner, and Levi's parents, and Hange and all her craziness. He did not remember the last time conversation with someone had come this easy, and with a start Levi realized that it never had. Even talking to Hange and Erwin tried his patience most times, but Eren had a way of pulling the words out of him, making them flow easy and effortlessly into the air between them. They were suddenly in a neighborhood full of big, old houses, and Levi began to furrow his brows. Eren lived here? With Armin and Mikasa? When he finally pulled up to the address Eren had given him he looked embarrassed again, and it wasn't hard to see why. The house was huge but broken down, a couple of the windows boarded up and in desperate need of a paint job, among other things. Levi wanted to ask just whose house it was, if they were renting the piece of shit or they had inherited it from some ancient dead relative, but he held back his questions and kept his face carefully neutral. Eren made no move to get out, was jostling his parcels around in his lap and reaching for the door handle. Levi glanced over to catch those shining eyes already on him, some unreadable emotion buried within them.

"So kid. I gotta ask you. Where are we going tomorrow?" Eren threw the door open, smiling as he did so, putting one foot on the ground.

"It's a surprise." Of course it was.

"I hate surprises." A small part of Levi wanted to ask again, try and convince Eren to spill it, but then he would be admitting just how fucking curious he was. Losing. Somehow.

"Levi, you hate everything." Then, Levi couldn't help it, couldn't fight it, couldn't stop it. He laughed.

"Okay. You win. I'll see you tomorrow at seven." Eren nodded, climbing out of the car and leaning down so he could see Levi's face as he answered.

"See you at seven, Levi. Goodnight."

"Night, brat."

Eren shut the door and walked up the stone pathway towards his dilapidated house, and Levi watched him go, not sure why he hadn't already driven away. Then after he unlocked the door, before stepping inside he glanced back at the road and waved. _Don't do it. Drive off. You're stupid, Levi._

Levi waved back, scowling the whole way home, fingers rubbing against each other at the memory of how that soft, brown hair had felt on them.


	5. Sunset

_**Eren** _

_Eren was on the floor of the locker room, coughing up blood as he took a savage blow to the stomach. His fists were covered in red, bruised, fingers broken from where he had fought back, but it was useless. There were too many of them. He tried to crawl to his feet only to have a foot planted in his back, shoving him down into the tiles._

__"Get up. You're not done already, are you?"_ _

___Another kick landed, this one in his face, and the world went dizzy and full of black spots._ _ _

____"Maybe the sick fuck likes it."_ _ _ _

_____Nausea rolled through him when he felt a boot slamming into his groin, sucking the air from his lungs, taking the fight out of him in an instant. Eren rolled to the side, blinking up at his attackers through eyes that were filled with furious tears, only to catch his breath._ _ _ _ _

______Levi. They were all Levi, every one of them, all five. That beautiful face scowling at him. Those perfect eyes full of hatred. His sexy mouth curled in disgust, sneering at Eren as he spat at his beaten form. Eren couldn't understand, mind a fog of confusion. Despair was filling him up, seeping into his bones through the cuts on his skin, making his chest seize up with sorrow._ _ _ _ _ _

_______"Why, Levi? I thought you were like me. I thought we could be together." Levi knelt down on the ground, face just inches away from Eren's as he glared at him with venom painting his features._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I'm nothing like you. You're pathetic, Eren."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Levi's fist flew at his face, and Eren welcomed the blackness he knew was coming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eren shot up in bed shouting, breath coming in panicked gulps as his gaze darted around the room. He couldn't get enough air in his lungs, was dizzy with the need for oxygen as he rolled into the floor clutching at his chest. Light was shining through his window as he crawled across the wood, putting his back into the corner and pulling his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. Every dark memory in his life surged up as once, as they always did when he was lost in an attack. His mother's body, still and silent. His father's eyes, shining with hatred. Fists raining down on him, blood in his eyes. Pink water spreading out around his body, wrist aching in remembrance. Wind tearing at him as he watched water rush up to met him. _Breathe. Fuck, breathe._ He couldn't. Eren felt tears streaming out of his eyes, irrational terror shooting through him. _'You're pathetic, Eren."_ A sob ripped out of his throat, animal and desperate, and suddenly Eren thought he might die. A sense of impending doom descended on him, hands quaking wildly where they rested against his legs. Eren lifted those shaking hands up to his head, tugging at his locks as he started to sway back and forth. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Eren!" Armin was in front of him out of nowhere, pulling Eren's fingers out of his hair, tugging him tight against his chest. "Shhh... shhh, just breathe, it's okay, it's fine...." Eren couldn't. His lungs were broken, his mouth, his brain. Everything, broken. Armin's hand was rubbing circles across Eren's back as he made soothing sounds, brushed tears from his cheeks, smoothed down his hair. "Hey, it's just a dream! Whatever it was, it's over now!" Not _'It isn't real,'_ but _'It's over now.'_ Armin knew better than anyone that Eren's nightmares were not the stuff of imagination, though this time it had been different. In real life, his attackers had not been Levi, and he'd had the satisfaction of watching two of them picking their teeth up off the floor of the shower where Eren's fist had wrenched them from their jaws, cursing him viciously as one was washed down the drain. Eren's whole body began to tremble, jaw shivering, spine curling in on itself. "Hey, you gotta calm down, okay?" Armin's voice sounded desperately worried, undertones of fear in his words. Armin pulled Eren into his lap despite being smaller than he was, cradling him like a child in his thin arms. "You gotta breathe, Eren, everything's fine, I'm right here!" He wasn't alone, his friend was there. Armin wouldn't let him die, would he?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eren sucked in a lungful of oxygen, sharp and full of acid in his chest. He started breathing, and once there was air to fuel it he began sobbing in earnest, clutching at Armin's chest as he rocked him. His friend didn't say anything, just held him in silence, stroking his hair, shushing him gently. After what felt like an eternity Armin broke the silence, speaking into Eren's sweaty locks, words coming out muffled and low._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You wanna talk about it?" Eren shook his head, burying his wet face into Armin's chest, curling into him closer as he finally quieted. "Okay. But if you want to, I'll listen, okay? I love you. Mikasa loves you, too. We worry about you. You don't talk to us anymore, you don't tell us anything. We care about you, and we want to help you." Eren finally found his voice, shaky and uncertain, but there nonetheless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I-I'm sorry. I am. I'll try harder." He laughed then, wiping at the mess of his face with the collar of his t shirt. "I just hate to bother you guys. I'm such a pain in the ass. I get so fucking tired of being this way." They did not even know how much he'd truly been keeping from them, how deep into his depression he had fallen. Here Armin was, there for him in a way that no one but he and Mikasa ever had been, and Eren was lying to him. Deceit through omission. Guilt weighed on him, heavy, like another person in the room, and the words were out before he could stop them. "I was going to kill myself while you and Mikasa were gone on your trip." Armin went unearthly still, letting Eren's words sink in like stones through water. Then he could feel him start to tremble, just slightly, hold tightening on Eren like he could keep him in this world if he just clung to him fiercely enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________" _Eren._ " He kept his face hidden against Armin's chest, not wanting to see the disappointment in those bright blue eyes, knowing the look too well. Eren had seen it time and time again, that pity laced with sadness etched into his features._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I know. I'm sorry. I... I didn't, though." Armin pulled back, pushing Eren off his lap so he could take his face in his hands, force that green stare to meet his own. Armin knelt between his legs, and Eren's hands clung to his wrists where they held his cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I thought you were doing better than that, Eren." Now Armin's eyes were wet, shining with unshed tears. "You have to _talk to us,_ okay? You can't just... you can't just leave us like that." Eren knew deep down he wanted to ask _why._ After all this time, his friend knew there wouldn't be a new answer. "You don't bother us, you're not a pain in the ass. You know what would be a pain in the ass, Eren?" Eren shook his head, his friends hands moving back and forth as he did so. "Going to your goddamned funeral." Armin's voice broke halfway through the words, and then it was Eren who was pulling him into his chest. They sat there in the quiet of Eren's room, wrapped up in each other's arms on the floor. When they finally pulled back Armin was wiping at his cheeks, looking at Eren like they were both lost. "You've gotta stop trying to deal with this on your own. It's killing you, literally. If you don't start talking to us, letting us know what's going on, I am going to tell Mikasa what you just told me." Eren's eyes went wide, panic shooting through him fresh and sharp._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________" _No,_ Armin, you _can't._ She-" Armin cut him off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I won't. Right now. But you need to stop this bullshit right now. It is not your fault you are dealing with this, and there is no reason for you to try and keep everything inside this way. You're gonna let us help you, and tell us what's bothering you _when_ its bothering you. Don't make me Dr.Phil you, Eren Jaeger." Eren laughed then, manic and crazed. "Okay?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay. I'm sorry, Armin."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"It's alright. Now go take a shower and wash all that snot off your face. I don't think that Levi will find it especially attractive, to be honest." Eren chuckled, standing up and reaching his hand out to Armin to pull him up as well._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I think he'd probably tell me that, too." Eren pitched his voice lower, scowling in an imitation of his boss. " 'You're disgusting.' " Armin giggled, hand coming up to cover his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Oh my God, you sound just like him. Don't let him catch you doing that, he'll skin you." Then he paused, thinking about Levi, face drawing tight in confusion. "Eren, I'm glad you're so excited about your date, and I'm happy for you, but I gotta ask. Why Levi? Your boss is...." He couldn't think of any way to put it that wouldn't hurt Eren's feelings._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"An asshole?" Armin's eyes went wide as he giggled again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Yeah. An asshole." Eren shrugged, biting his lip, looking at the ceiling for awhile before answering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"He's not really so bad, there's more to him than that. He cares about people, he just doesn't want anyone to know." Eren was smiling, eyes lighting up in a way that Armin wasn't sure he had ever seen before. "Besides, he's a really fucking hot asshole." Armin shoved at him, and though he still felt worry scratching at the back of his mind, he pushed it down where Eren wouldn't see it in his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Go start getting ready for your date with your sexy asshole, then."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Alright, alright."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Armin left Eren to go shower, but as he exited the room guilt washed over him anew, fear twisting through it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When Mikasa found out they had kept something so important from her, it wouldn't matter that Eren hadn't killed himself, because they would both be fucking dead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________................................................................................._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________**Levi** _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Levi headed home when his shift was over on Tuesday, having spent the whole day dropping things and fucking up paperwork, head full of Eren. After changing his clothes three separate times Levi was thoroughly disgusted with himself, and it took a great deal of self restraint not to throw a punch at his mirror. _Jesus, Levi, you're such an idiot._ He'd ended up saying fuck it and just wearing some tight black jeans tucked into black boots that stopped halfway up to his knees, along with a dark grey v-neck. His boots were covered in unnecessary straps and buckles, and the shirt was probably a bit snug, but it might make Eren squirm, so it would be worth it. He couldn't stop thinking of that tangle of necklaces Eren wore, and how much it drew his eyes to Eren's neck. Made him wonder what the skin there tasted like. So Levi dug through his belongings until he found a leather corded necklace of his own with a flat blue stone hanging from it to put on. Eren told Levi that he would head down to the shop a little before seven so they could head out, but Levi had insisted on driving to his house to pick him up instead. Eren wouldn't tell him where they were going, so he thought it might throw him off a bit if Levi was in the driver's seat. They'd been talking via text, so Levi couldn't see his face, but he could imagine Eren's nervous face looking down at his phone, biting that damn lip of his, eyes worried. It was satisfying, even in his head. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Then as he'd pulled up to Eren's house and moved to get out, he found himself frozen in place, butterflies in his stomach like a fucking schoolgirl. He gritted his teeth, forcing his legs to carry him up the stone path to Eren's door and knock. Levi was a little worried the thing would just give way under his fist. It looked like it was made of paper and dreams instead of wood, ready to disintegrate under a heavy breeze. As he waited for someone to answer, he began thinking how dangerous it was. Anyone could break into this place without even trying, rob them, do God knows what. These kids needed a new door, and some deadbolts, and maybe an alarm system. It wouldn't be perfect, especially with a house this old, but Eren would be a little safer at least. _What the fuck, Levi?_ Levi realized where his thoughts were heading and started shaking his head. It wasn't his job to protect Eren, was it? Yet he wanted to, wanted to tell Eren that they would go on this date some other time. Wanted to get on his phone and call one of his parent's contractors out here to get this place together, make it more secure. He was glad when the door was opened, if only to pull him out of his head, until he saw that it was not Eren standing there but Mikasa. Levi tried to put something other than a scowl on his face, failing for the most part._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hello, Levi." Levi just nodded at her while she looked him up and down appraisingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Mikasa. Eren's around, I presume?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Yeah, I sent him upstairs to get something for me when I saw you headed up the walk. I know he asked you out, that this wasn't your idea, but I want you to know that if you hurt my brother in any way? I don't care that you're his boss, I'll make you regret it. Eren deserves someone to treat him right, and I'm not sure that's you." Levi found himself smirking, liking this girl in spite of himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I guess we'll have to see about that." She continued glaring at him, and Levi had to give it to her, it was almost as menacing as his own. Almost. Suddenly she was being shoved out of the doorway by Armin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Mikasa! Go away! We talked about this!" The girl gave Levi one last withering look before she disappeared into the house. Armin looked up at Levi, a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry about her, she's a little.... uh, protective of Eren. She means well." Levi heard loud footsteps descending the stairs, heavy and graceless, and knew it had to be Eren before he even saw him. When he caught sight of him, Levi was grateful that Eren wasn't looking, because he couldn't tear his eyes away. He had on a deep green button up, darker than his eyes but making them shine nonetheless. Eren wore more necklaces and bracelets than usual, piling up around his wrist and neck. One of his hands was scratching at that messy hair with painted nails, shirt coming up to reveal black pants slung low on his hips. Levi could just make out one of his hipbones before it vanished into his clothes, the barest hint of his boxers visible. Eren looked fucking _delicious,_ and Levi suddenly wanted to sink his teeth into him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Mikasa, you fuckin' liar, your phone's in your damned hand. I swear to God-" His diatribe cut off abruptly as he noticed Levi standing in the doorway, staring openly. Then Armin was giggling at Levi, pulling him out of his stupor. He pinned a glare on Armin, who threw his hands up in surrender but didn't look particularly sorry, backing away into the living room. Now Eren was staring, eyes eating Levi up with an expression that mirrored the one he had just worn. Hungry. Wanting. He blinked, blushing, shaking his head as he came down the rest of the steps to stand in front of Levi. "Ah, L-Levi. Hi. Sorry." Levi stared at Eren, enjoying that nervous look and his pink cheeks far more than he should._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What, no flowers?" Instead of flushing brighter as Levi had expected, Eren just smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Patience." Fuck, Levi felt heat roll through him. "Let's go." Levi couldn't find any words right away, so he just nodded as Eren said his goodbyes to Mikasa and Armin. They headed down the stone path back to Levi's car and piled inside, at which point Levi sighed and glanced over at Eren expectantly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So. Where to?" When he told Levi where they were headed, he got a blank stare. "That's an office building. Erwin works there."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Does he?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What the fuck are we doing going to an office, Eren?" At the sound of his name, Eren's eyes went half lidded before closing for a moment. When they opened back up, they were glowing, bright with emotion that Levi could not put a name to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Just drive us there." Levi was grumbling as he put the car and drive, and as they made their way out of the suburbs and into downtown Stohess, he was still complaining. Anytime Eren tried to initiate conversation, somehow Levi turned it into a question about what they were doing in an office building instead of going to 'some stupid fucking date place' instead. Eren asked, more than a little sarcastically, if Levi would rather go on some normal date instead, only to get a glare in response. When they finally pulled into the parking garage attached to the building, Levi was going a little crazy inside. They walked up to an employee entrance, Eren taking out his phone and calling someone, waiting by the door with it pressed to his ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Jean, I'm back. Come let me in." He was back. Which implied he had already been here today, and left, which had Levi's mind running in circles again. A few minutes passed after Eren hung up that stretched on for an eternity, and then a brunette was opening the glass door and handing Eren what looked like a keycard. He had on a security guard's uniform, and a stupid haircut, as far as Levi was concerned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hey, Eren." He cut his eyes at Levi while they walked into the building, shutting the door behind them. "Who's your friend?" He put some inflection into the last word, making it clear that he did not really think Levi was Eren's friend, at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Levi, this is Jean. He goes to school with Mikasa and Armin. Jean, this is Levi." Jean looked at Levi, brows furrowing as they nodded in greeting at one another._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Isn't this the guy who owns Titan Books?" Eren was smirking at Jean, looking like he might want to hit him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Yeah. That a problem, nosy?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Eren, you asked your boss out on a date?" /i > _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Yeah. Now you wanna go do your job and leave us alone?" They were walking forward towards a bank of elevators, Jean splitting off to head down a different corridor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So much for gratitude." Eren smiled, calling out after him in a wry voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Thanks Jean!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You're not welcome!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eren laughed as he punched the button to call the elevator, and they stood in silence as they waited for the doors to open. Erwin worked on the tenth floor, and as Eren pushed the button for the very top floor, Levi felt his curiosity arcing through him again. Eren was getting nervous, shifting his weight back and forth, playing with those damn bracelets again. When he bit down on his bottom lip, Levi wanted to ask if he was fucking with him deliberately or if it just came naturally. Finally the elevator stopped, doors opening to reveal a fairly empty space, a few doors, a corridor, not much else. Eren headed down the hall without hesitation, swiping his keycard over the lock on one of the doors, which opened to reveal a staircase heading up. They were on the top floor, so it could really only lead one place. The pair headed up the stairs, where he swiped the keycard again and held the door handle, glancing at Levi anxiously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Close you eyes." Levi pinned him with a glare that would make even the bravest person wither. Eren twisted a little underneath it, but still didn't budge. "Close your damn eyes, Levi. Humor me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You're fucking killing me here."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Levi. Please." Oh, fuck. Eren was looking down at him, saying _please_ in a voice he'd never heard him use before, those green eyes impossibly wide. He could tell Eren wanted to bite his fucking lip again, but was fighting the urge. Levi was pretty sure it didn't matter what he asked for with that face. He was powerless to refuse, closing his eyes with an irritated sigh. Levi was glad he had, heart racing faster than he wanted to admit when Eren laced their fingers together, light shining through his lids as he opened the door and pulled them out on what had to be the roof. The door clicked shut behind them, and Eren tugged on their joined hands, leading him over smooth asphalt for a few dozen feet before stopping. Eren did not let go of his hand just yet, and for some reason Levi kept his eyes closed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Don't open them yet. Give me a second." Levi sighed, and Eren must have taken that as a yes, because he squeezed his fingers tight before releasing them altogether. Levi opened and closed his fist, noticing how empty it felt now that Eren's hand was gone. He heard the brat take a few steps, rustle around in something, then walk back. "Okay. You can open your eyes."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Levi blinked, the evening sun bright in his eyes as they adjusted to the light. They were indeed on the roof, and it was only as he looked at the view of the city around him that he remembered that this was, in fact, the tallest building in Stohess. Erwin worked here, Levi had been here a few times as well, but never on the rooftop. Looking at the town sprawled out around them with the sun not far from the horizon, it was pretty beautiful._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But it didn't hold a candle to the sight in front of him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eren was holding out a bouquet of fucking flowers in a blue gray vase, and Levi felt something shudder in his chest. Then he looked a little closer, and realized they were not, in fact, flowers. They were made of paper, tiny letters scrawling across the petals, twisting over the buds, coiling down into the stems. _Books._ Eren had made him flowers out of the pages of books, and Levi didn't fight the smile that came to his lips. Couldn't have, even if he'd tried. Eren was looking embarrassed now, lifting the bouquet up a little higher, begging Levi to take it with his eyes. He didn't, though, just looked behind Eren at the blanket he had spread out over the asphalt. There was a cooler there, along with what looked like an oversized soft sided lunch bag. Levi would not have been surprised if it had been an honest-to-god picnic basket instead. If Eren had thought about it, there probably would have been._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Eren..." He shrugged, not wavering, holding that fucking vase out like a lifeline._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I figured we could eat up here, drink shitty wine. Listen to some music. Watch the sunset. It's really beautiful from here." Finally Levi gave in, taking the paper flowers and bringing them up to his face to inspect them. He figured that Eren had probably cut up some old encyclopedia, or a book on tax code, or some other book no one would ever want to read. When he looked closer he realized it was pages out of a dictionary, phonetics spelled out. Levi wondered what words were here, cut randomly to make these petals, painstakingly glued together to make these buds. How long had it taken Eren to make these? Hours. At least. When he thought about Eren sitting down, cutting page after page out of a dictionary, shaping these petals with scissors, arranging them into their shapes, gluing them all together..... No one he'd dated before had ever put this much thought into anything they'd given him. Levi was rich, and all his boyfriends and lovers had seemed to give up on the whole present buying thing. What could you give him that he couldn't buy a better version of himself?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This. This was better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When he looked up Eren wasn't looking at him anymore, was staring at the ground by Levi's feet with his hand buried in his hair. He looked so... vulnerable. Breakable. Levi could destroy him completely with a few words and a harsh look. He began to feel afraid. Afraid he would fuck this up somehow, say the wrong thing, make the wrong face. As his eyes swallowed Eren whole, he felt realization shoot through him, warm and unwelcome. He wanted Eren. Wanted him all to himself. Wanted to lock him away in his house and never let him out. Listen to that laugh. Find out what sort of beautiful noises he could pull out of him with his hands and teeth and tongue. Levi suppressed a shiver, and he had to say something. Anything to stop the places his mind was going._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"How'd you know it's beautiful? The sunset. From here. Why the hell would you be up here in the first place?" Eren glanced up, face going dark for an instant, shrugging again before he answered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I was gonna jump?" Levi laughed, walking over to the blanket Eren had set up and sitting down on it with a thud, setting the vase gingerly on the ground. Eren followed him, sitting down next to him, closer than Levi would have liked. Or not close enough, maybe. He couldn't decide._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, that's fine. Bring a lot of dates here? You're a fucking romantic." Eren shook his head as he laughed nervously, reaching out for the cooler and opening it. He pulled out a few plastic containers filled with fruit, grapes, apple slices, chunks of watermelon and cantaloupe. Then there was one with sandwiches, some with lunch meat layered on them, others bursting with just veggies. As though he hadn't been sure if Levi ate meat or not. He did, but not that often, and he wondered if Eren had been watching him eat lunch at work. He produced a little tray with cubes of cheese on it, and then Levi smiled when Eren sat down a plate of cookies from the lunch bag, covered in plastic wrap. You didn't put cookies you bought from the store on a plate like that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Did you make those fucking cookies?" Eren blushed, nodding sheepishly as he dug two glasses out the ice of the cooler, along with a bottle of wine and a corkscrew. Levi wanted to touch his face, to see how hot his cheeks would be under his fingers. "Oh my God, you made me cookies. Shit, that's adorable." Eren was opening everything under Levi's relentless stare, struggling with lids, fighting with the wine bottle until it opened with a loud pop. He poured white wine into the two glasses, handing one over to Levi without looking up at him. Then Eren was pulling a little speaker out of his pocket along with his phones, pressing a few buttons on each one until soft music began to pour from the speakers. It was somewhere between rock and techno, guitars along with synth beats and a male voice breaking over it all incoherently. Levi didn't recognize it, but it could definitely be worse. Eren still hadn't looked at him since he sat down, staring into his wine glass, looking at the ground. "Are you gonna stare at your feet the whole time?" The sun had slid closer to the horizon, changing the hues of the light. Eren looked up at Levi, an unsure smile on his face,_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No. Yes. I dunno, maybe? I'm really nervous, to be honest. I haven't gone out on a date since high school." The words seemed to tumble out on their own, and Levi could tell he hadn't meant to say them by the look on his face. His mouth got ahead of him a lot, he'd noticed, and he couldn't help but find it... endearing. Levi grabbed one of the sandwiches and started eating, taking pity on him. As Eren began inhaling his own food like he was dying of starvation, Levi let what he'd said play through his mind. Eren was twenty four, and hadn't been on a date for over six years? He couldn't wrap his head around it. Levi himself had been single for three, but for someone fresh out of high school to go so long alone seemed unfathomable to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What kind of music do you listen to?" Levi looked at him with an amused expression. Was this kid even real?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I like rock, some indie stuff, classical music. Live with a couple disgustingly rich doctors for parents and you like some fucking piano shit, it's just science. I don't really like pop or country or rap. Hange listens to metal, so I can tolerate it. Erwin is a hopeless classic rock fan. It's an issue." Eren laughed, and Levi waited to him to answer his own question in turn, but he did not._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I know you read horror and science fiction. I think I even saw you reading some fucked up manga, once." Levi's eye twitched._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Did not."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, whatever you say." Eren lifted his wineglass, taking a sip as Levi began speaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You're one to talk. I saw you reading a supernatural romance the other day. Something about shapeshifters. You like to read about werewolves fucking, Eren?" Eren spewed the wine out, little drops shooting everywhere as he started to laugh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I guess I like to read about anyone fucking, to be honest. What about you? You like to read about people fucking?" Levi just smirked. He knew he shouldn't say the words that wanted to come out, should bite them back, fight them. He couldn't, though. Didn't want to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I'm a little more hands on, myself." Eren smiled, topping off Levi's wine as he downed some more of his own. "You trying to get me drunk?" Those green eyes were dancing with mischief, smiling as surely as his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"If it'll make you more hands on, then yeah." This fucker._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You shit."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eren shrugged. Again. Next time he did that, Levi was going to push those shoulders down into the concrete and hold them still while he took that cocky fucking mouth. They talked for awhile, about everything and nothing. The shop, annoying customers, what they liked to eat and watch and do. Eren asked about his family, and Levi told him all about his parents, though he didn't have any siblings or cousins to speak of. When Levi asked about his, all he talked about was Mikasa and Armin, and he took that as a signal not to ask anything else. He was curious, but it wasn't the time to be pressing for information. After awhile they both went silent, noticing that the sun had finally started dipping down under the horizon. Eren was right, it was beautiful here, oranges and reds and pinks lighting up the sky, the city sprawled below a thousand miles away, existing only as a backdrop for nature's spectacle spread out around them. Levi looked over at Eren and his breath caught at the sight of those infinite hues reflected in wide eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was sitting there on the roof with Levi, but he was not with him. Eren's mind was somewhere else, and though Levi didn't know exactly where, he knew it was somewhere dark from those furrowed brows, that lip held in his teeth, the way his shoulders pulled in with tension. Levi wanted him back, wanted that face lit up with that devious expression he sometimes wore, or the blush that painted his cheeks when Levi said just the right thing. He reached out and took his hand, lacing their fingers together, looking away. It was hiding, and he knew it, but it was fine. Levi could hide for now. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Eren turn his head, glance down at their joined hands and grin before pulling his eyes back to the sunset. After waiting a few moments he looked over at Eren, and there it was. Those pink cheeks, that soft smile. If all Levi had to do to see that face was hold Eren's hand?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fuck, he'd hold it forever._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When it finally started to grow dark they packed up their stuff, Eren insisting on carrying everything but the flowers, but Levi snatched the plate of cookies from him. He hadn't had a chance to eat any, and he would be damned if he let Eren take them home. They were his cookies, by God. Eren snickered at him as they made their way to the car, and when the got everything put inside and were ready to go, Levi felt regret shoot through him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It took him awhile to realize that he didn't want to take him home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________.................................................._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was harder than it should have been to say his goodbyes to Eren and watch him walk up his driveway. When he got to the door it opened before he reached for the knob, and he waved at his boss as he disappeared inside. Levi had gotten home around eight thirty, and though he'd only had a glass on the rooftop with Eren, he had opened his own bottle of wine as soon as he'd walked through his door. When that one was finished, he'd popped the cork on a second, which he was making admirable progress on. When he began to get wobbly, he'd stopped staring at his stupid paper flowers and put them next to his bed for safe keeping. Now Levi was sitting on his living room floor, drinking straight out of the bottle and not giving a single shit. When his phone rang around nine thirty and he saw it was Erwin, Levi was drunk enough to answer it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Erwiiiiiinnnnnnnn! What are you doing, you giant fuck?" There was a chuckle from the other end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Levi, are you drunk?" Levi snorted, taking another generous swig of his wine before he answered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No, who's drunk?" His voice was slurred, louder than it needed to be._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"How did your date go?" Levi sighed, putting his face in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Fuuuuuuuuck, Erwin. It was goddamned terribly wonderful. I hated how much I loved it. Erwiiiiiiiiinnnn......"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, I'm coming to your house, I'm five minutes away. This is too good to miss."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No, Erwin-" There was a click as Erwin hung up on him. "Fuck... Fucking traitor." Levi threw his phone down next to him, upending his bottle again in a futile attempt to get his mind off of Eren. It was having the opposite effect, his alcohol fueled mind fixating on him instead. Erwin must have been closer than he thought, because it was not long before a key rattled in his lock and the door swung open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hello, Levi." He shut the door behind him, grinning down at Levi where he sat cross legged on the hardwood. Erwin was pulling out his phone, pressing a few keys before he turned back to his friend. "How's Eren?" Levi let out a long, harsh breath as Erwin sat down in the chair across from him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Fucking adorable." Erwin laughed, phone still out in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Adorable, huh? I assume that it went well, then?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"God, I don't know what to do, Erwin." Erwin noticed a plate in front of Levi with cookies on it, reaching down to pull the plastic back and take one only to have his hand slapped away. Levi picked up the plate and clutched it to his chest. Everything he said was a drunken mumble. "These are my cookies, you can't have any. Eren made them for me. He made me goddamned cookies, Erwin." Erwin laughed again, loudly, looking at Levi with a bemused grin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Shit, Levi. I can't remember the last time I saw you this drunk. You never drink." Levi put his treasure down, pulling out a cookie and shoving half of it in his face. It was more work than it should have been to chew it, but when he was done he just sighed heavily. "What's wrong, little man?" Erwin knew just how trashed he was when he let the insult slide._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"They're delicious."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"That's a bad thing?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"YES, damn it." Levi tried to get up, only to stagger and land in a heap on the floor again. Erwin finally put his phone away, reaching for his friend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, little man. Let's get you into bed. You are done here." He tugged Levi to his feet, putting an arm around his shoulders and snagging his phone from the floor so he could plug it in to charge. When he finally got him onto his bed, Levi started to lay down before throwing himself back upright._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Noooo, wait, I need to text Eren." Erwin held out Levi's phone, already attached to the charger._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So text him."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I fucking tried already, my fingers won't work. Do it for me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Levi-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"ERWIIIIIINNNNNNNNN. C'mon, don't be such a fuckin' DICK. Text Eren for me." Erwin was laughing, but he opened Levi's phone and scrolled through his contacts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What do you want me to text him, your highness?" Levi was falling over onto his pillows now, eyes barely open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Tell him his cookies are fucking delicious, and if he doesn't make me more he's fired." Erwin smiled and, word for word, typed out the message to Eren. He added in a 'Goodnight' for good measure, before sending it and setting Levi's phone down on his bedside table. When he saw the vase full of paper flowers, his eyes went wide. Erwin had never seen them before, which meant they had to be from Eren. He snapped a picture of it, smirking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Okay, sleeping beauty, I'll see you tomorrow."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Levi mumbled out something that was not actual words, and Erwin made his way out, locking the door behind him. Then he took out his own phone, pulling up the video he had just recorded and sending it to Hange with a smile on his face. He added the picture of the flowers, imagining her face when she saw it. Levi was going to hate him tomorrow._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was still worth it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	6. Fright and Folly

**Eren**

On Wednesday Eren was standing in his room, but instead of getting ready to leave for work he was in front of a mirror with his suit jacket on, bracelets in a pile on his blankets. Levi had texted him the night before, demanding cookies and bringing a smile to Eren's lips as he lay wrapped in his comforter. He'd texted Levi goodnight, and just the simple action of being able to do so made joy arc through him. The idea that Levi was in bed reading the words he had typed out gave him far more happiness than it probably should, but after a lifetime of misery Eren knew better than to reject the emotion. He reveled in it, rolling stupidly around in his own bed with a ridiculous smile on his face. That raw joy had still been present the next morning as he'd showered and eaten breakfast and worked up the nerve to text Levi good morning, but the sight of his bare wrist, along with the garment bag hanging in the open closet had thrown ice on the heat of his happiness. Now he was tugging on the left sleeve of his suit jacket, as though if he pulled at the fabric enough it would magically stretch out, cover his scar instead of letting the edges of it peek out of the hem. Eren couldn't wear a dozen corded bracelets to a black tie function and he damn well knew it. The thought had crossed his mind in the formal shop, but his date with Levi had distracted him from his worries. Until now. His heart began to beat faster in his chest, panic shooting up from his feet to fill his entire body, and when his breathing started to become short and desperate he closed his eyes, hands closing into vicious fists. _No, not right now, you have to go to work. Levi's gonna be there later to close, you can't call in the day after your date, he'll think you're an idiot. Breathe. Calm down._ It didn't work, never had, never would. Telling himself to relax had the opposite effect, making acid swell in his guts and invisible bands tighten around his lungs. Eren started to go weak in the knees, shakes climbing up his arms.

"Eren." Mikasa's voice sliced through the tightness in his skin, pulling his eyes back open. He locked his gaze on her, anxious and fearful. Didn't she have class today? She came into the room and grabbed her brother by his shoulders, jerking him into a hug. "What's wrong?" Eren took a shuddering breath, finding that it came easier with his sister's arms around him. It always did, and he found himself wondering why he avoided this embrace when he was feeling his worst. Standing there wrapped up in her, he felt tears of relief stinging his eyes. Armin was right, he needed to talk to them more, needed to confide his worries instead of shoving them down inside.

"Stupid fucking suit. Can't... I can't wear my jewelry, right? At least my bracelets and necklaces, anyway. Too fancy for that, and the sleeve's not long enough to cover my scar at the very end. And if Levi sees-" Mikasa cut him off, pulling back to pin him with a glare.

"If Levi sees it, what?" His brows furrowed, shoulders going even more tense than before.

"I-I.... I don't know, Mikasa, I just don't want him to! I don't want him to know that-" Her voice was gentle but unyielding, no trace of mercy for his boss within.

"That you're a human being? That you have feelings, and problems, and bullshit just like everyone else? If he really deserves you, Eren, then he won't care about that." Eren felt the stress roll into him again in waves under her stare.

"He barely knows anything about me, Mikasa. I don't want one of the first things he learns to be that I'm a fucked up weakling. I want to tell him, one day, but we've only been on one date, and-" Mikasa interrupted again, words sharp and insistent.

"Eren it shouldn't-" He cut her off this time, anger laced under the fear in his tone.

"WILL YOU LET ME FINISH?" She blinked in the face of his shouting, eyes going wide before they softened. "I will tell him, soon. If everything keeps going as good as it has so far. But I don't want him to feel sorry for me, or think I'm pathetic like you and Armin do. One more person looking at me and thinking about how fucking weak I am. From Levi?" He pictured those slate blue eyes clouding with sympathy, his face saying _'poor Eren'_ without words. He wanted to throw up at the thought, stomach heaving in strange ways. "I can't deal with that right now. I feel like he's ready to bolt at first opportunity. He's.... he doesn't deal with people well as it is." When Mikasa thought of Eren telling Levi about his history, and Levi using that as an excuse to push him away? Her vision went red, and she had to take a few deep breaths to steady her voice before she spoke. Now wasn't the time to let it have free reign, let herself fly into a rage over something that had not even happened yet. Wouldn't happen, hopefully.

"We don't think you're pathetic. We just think you've been through more fucked up shit in your life than anyone we've ever met. More than anyone should have to go through, especially alone. I know you want this to work, don't want to freak him out, but he needs to know eventually. You will tell him, later?" Eren nodded, biting his lip. Mikasa didn't want her brother to be upset, but she also wanted Levi to understand. Eren was worth the trouble, was worth someone who could see past the things he had been through and appreciate him for who he was. Could help him move past it in ways Mikasa and Armin could not. If Levi couldn't do that, then he didn't deserve her brother anyway, but she didn't voice these things. Not with him on the edge of an anxiety attack, eyes darting wildly around as his breathing started to quicken yet again. She sighed, glancing at the door while her mind worked. "Armin's grandpa had a ton of watches besides the one he wears all the time. Surely he wouldn't mind letting you borrow one for the charity thing. He was rich as fuck, there's bound to be some fancy shit somewhere, right?" Eren blinked a few times, slow smile breaking out on his face as he tugged his sister in close.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't think of that, I feel so stupid. You're a genius." She smirked, resting her face against his neck.

"Then you should listen to my advice more instead of ignoring me." Eren laughed. It was quiet and brief, but it was there, enough to make her smile turn genuine instead of amused.

"Okay. I will." Her hold on him tightened, hand fisting itself in his wild hair. Clinging to him. Mikasa wanted to have him beside her all day, everywhere she went, in everything she did. Sometimes when she was in class, or at work, the image of Eren bleeding out in a bathtub flashed through her mind, and it took all her willpower not to call him. Not to rush home or wherever he was just so she could lay eyes on him, hug him tight, touch his face. But it had been a long time since the bathtub, since the bridge. Since she had found his note telling her goodbye. Eren seemed like he was doing better most days, and though she still saw that darkness in his stare sometimes, it was not like it had been before. _Maybe he's hiding it better._ Mikasa shook the thought away, willing it from her mind. She no longer walked into their house wondering if she would find him there, still and cold and gone, no more bright eyes or smirking grins or unnatural warmth. She never wanted to feel that anxiety again. 

"You're actually gonna listen to me sometimes? You promise?" He nodded into her shoulder, mumbling through her clothes.

"I promise."

...............................................................................

**Levi**

Levi had been keeping his shit together remarkably well considering his mind refused to focus on anything but Eren and he was hungover like some stupid college kid after a weekend binge. Glancing at his phone when he woke up later than he had in months to find a text message from him saying 'good morning Levi', with a fucking smiley face emoticon, had not helped. It had been sent hours ago, and Levi stared at the damn thing for fifteen minutes, phone doing dark several times before he gritted his teeth, gave up, and responded. Minus the smiley. Hell would freeze over before Levi sent Eren or anyone else a fucking emoticon. His head was pounding despite tossing back more ibuprofen than was probably healthy. Even so, he'd showered and kept down some food, looking like garbage but making his way to work on time. It shouldn't have been an accomplishment since he had a closing shift and didn't have to arrive until afternoon, but with the state he was in he'd take any victory he could get. Everything was going okay when he got to work, thanking all the dieties in all the heavens, and some of the hells, that Eren was stuck with a persistent customer in the science fiction section. Until Levi had entered the office that is, and everything went to shit.

There was a plate of cookies on his desk, covered in plastic wrap with a sticky note affixed on it.

_Don't fire me, please._  
_-Eren_

He'd dotted the 'i' with a tiny little heart. Levi could picture the cocky look Eren would've worn while doing it, smirking like the bastard that he was. _God. Fucking. Damn. It._ Levi was looking at the ceiling then, hands fisting, furious and sighing for some reason he could not fathom. At himself, most likely, for the way that note had his heart beating faster. The way he was fighting the urge to stick it in his pocket, take it home, put it on his fridge like some _lovesick fucking moron._ His voice was raw when he spoke, low and sore like his throat.

"Fucking hell." Hange's reply surprised him, making him jump as he looked towards the door where she stood.

"What, you don't like oatmeal raisin? I'm a chocolate chip kind of girl, myself, but since Eren made them with all his _love,_ I'm sure they'll be delicious."

"They were chocolate chip before. Maybe he's trying to mix it up." Levi said it without thinking, cringing as he realized he'd given her more fuel for her bullshit.

"Erwin wasn't sure what kind they were, since you wouldn't let him have any." Her eyes were dancing with delight as she perched on the desk, feet swinging like an exuberant child. Of course he told her. They were some sort of B team super villain duo, creeping through the night, fucking up his life in small but irritating ways. _Captain Eyebrows and Shitty Glasses._ Now his hungover brain was picturing them in spandex and capes, and he had to shake his head, trying and failing to get it on straight.

"Will you fuck off, please? I feel shitty enough."

"Oh, c'mon Levi. He's adorable. You said so yourself." Levi slid the plate over, sitting down in his desk chair and laying his head down on the wood.

"No I didn't." Hange was cackling then, pulling out her phone and poking at it for a few moments before she handed it to him. Levi knew he shouldn't, but still he sat up and took it from her, looking at the screen to see that she'd had pulled up a video. He tapped the play button with a grimace, only to feel his face pull into a fierce scowl as he watched himself tell Erwin how adorable Eren was, drunkenly shove cookies in his mouth, and stagger around like an idiot. _Fucking traitorous jerk._ Levi handed the phone back to her with a resigned sigh. "God damn it, Erwin. I fucking hate you." Then a thought occurred to Levi, and he cut his eyes towards Hange, a dangerous expression lighting his face. "If you show this to Eren, I will eviscerate you with a rusty box cutter."

"None of our box cutters are rusty. What are we, savages?"

"I'll go find one just so I can give you tetanus."

"If you eviscerate me properly, won't I be dead?"

"Jesus fuck, GO AWAY!"

She literally skipped away, heading over towards the coffee bar to assist a customer who was waiting rather impatiently. Levi propped his elbows up on the desk and buried his face in his hands with a groan. Less than a minute of blessed quiet passed before it was interrupted again. This time the voice was dark and low, soothing his nerves when it should have riled them.

"You okay?" Levi moved one hand, eyes sliding over to Eren and lingering there longer than they should have, taking the sight in hungrily. Those russet locks, shining green eyes, perfect skin. _Fuck._ How did he manage to look so good in jeans and a faded t-shirt, with hair that seemed like he hadn't brushed it after he got out of bed that morning? There was no justice in this world.

"You didn't have to make me cookies again, Jaeger. I wasn't serious." He shrugged, and both anger and heat rolled through Levi. He wanted his hands on those shoulders, feeling them flex under his fingers as he squeezed them....

"I didn't want to get fired."

"You like your job that much?"

"Well, I really like books, and my boss is kind of a dick but he's super fucking hot." Levi tried to scowl, but it didn't really work out for him. He ended up smirking, shaking his head at Eren with a stupid grin on his face. "You kinda look sick today though. Maybe you should go home." Eren looked so damn sincere, Levi wanted to slap him. Not hard. Maybe on the ass... _Shut up, Levi. Shut the fuck up._

"I'm fine."

"You sure? I get off at seven, but I can close if I need to, it's no big deal."

"I said I'm _fine,_ damn it." Eren held his hands up in surrender before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out.

"Okay, okay. Here, I'll make you feel better. Hold out your hand." Levi eyed him suspiciously, like he was a questionable stray dog that might decide to bite. "Just give me your hand." He tisked, holding his hand out warily and looking at Eren with watchful eyes. When Eren eased a bracelet over his wrist and tightened the strings, Levi felt his heart stutter in his chest. It was corded like the ones Eren always wore, flat black beads interspersed with colored glass, some blue gray, some dark green. Two strings dangled from it just slightly where he had fastened it, and Levi found himself looking from the bracelet to Eren and back again.

"You bought me a bracelet? Or is this one of yours?" Eren had the decency to blush, shaking his head as he buried a hand in his hair. _No wonder it's always fucked up, he's always pulling at it._ Levi wanted to pull his hand away, replace it with his own. Feel those soft brown strands on his fingers again, let them linger there, thread through it, tug on it. Wanted to bury his face in it and just _breathe..._ Fuck, he was really losing it now.

"I made it, actually. I make a lot of mine. Jewelry's expensive when you wear as much of it as I do." Eren made him a bracelet. _Made him a goddamned bracelet._ Levi couldn't even find words in his mouth. It was cheesy and ridiculous, something a teenage girl would do. 

Levi never wanted to take the stupid thing off.

He stumbled over replies in his mind as he stared at the beads, rejecting them all, at a loss for what to say. Levi was just as surprised at what finally came out as Eren was. More so, probably. 

"Thank you. I like it." Those emerald eyes blinked fast, brows furrowing in disbelief.

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah. I do." Levi looked up at Eren, that shell shocked face making him grin. He didn't want Eren to leave yet, go back to his duties. Levi wanted to look at him, talk to him, even if he didn't want to admit it. "Take a break, let's eat these fucking cookies." His cheeks flushed pink, and it was immensely satisfying to watch. Levi could watch it all fucking day.

"W-wait. Just.. uh, just a second." Eren scampered off to the coffee bar to do God knows what, and Levi couldn't wipe the smile off his face. It was a few minutes before he came back, a cup of black tea in one hand and an iced coffee in the other. "Here." He held the tea out to Levi, looking pleased with himself. Levi probably would've gone with something a little more sturdy today, straight black coffee, something to help wake his muddled brain up, but he didn't say anything as he took the cup. He just pulled the plastic off the plate of cookies and held one out to Eren. He sat on the desk before taking it, sipping at his coffee with a smile on his face.

"What are you grinning about?"

"Does this count as taking you out for coffee? Or do we need to go to a coffee shop you don't own?" Levi broke a piece off his cookie, flinging it Eren, who made no move to dodge it.

"Idiot." Eren's smile shot even wider.

"I think it counts. I'm counting it."

Levi didn't argue, just glanced at Eren as he ate the offensively delicious cookie in silence, trying not to look as happy as he felt. 

Then, he wondered why.


	7. All The Wrong Words

**Levi**

Thursday and Friday passed without incident, mostly because Levi worked early and was incredibly busy with payroll and paperwork all day, only seeing Eren in passing as he walked out the door at five. Eren sent him text messages every morning and every night, along with one as he worked in the afternoon to complain about a ridiculous customer that was giving him hell. Levi had no pity for him, which was to be expected. As Levi was heading home on Friday he made arrangements with Eren to pick him up the next evening at six to head towards the charity event, which started at seven. If Levi did not get there early enough he would never hear the end of it from his mother, and he'd learned from experience that it was not worth it. He both dreaded and looked forward to seeing his mother. Levi loved her, and hadn't spent much time with her lately, but he was actually bringing a date along this time and was a little worried that she would freak Eren out. She was pushy and extroverted and loud, never met a stranger, especially not one that was seeing her son. Kuchel had gone three years without having a boyfriend of Levi's to harass, and almost a year before that when he'd been dating Farlan, who she couldn't stand. Eren was going to be in for it, and Levi almost felt like he should warn him, but he didn't want to scare him. She was harmless. 

Mostly.

He'd already dragged a suit out of his closet, made sure it was ironed and hung and ready to go. Neither he nor Eren worked Saturday, and since Levi did not know how long the event would run, he'd scheduled them both off for Sunday as well. When Levi looked at the work schedule in its entirety, he frowned to himself. Eren and Levi had the same days off, though Eren had three where he had only two. The four days Eren did come in he was working the same shift as Levi, the exact opposite of the way he was used to writing it. He had not even been paying attention as he'd filled in the spaces on the calendar, and his subconscious had made things abundantly clear. Levi wanted him around. He made a sound of irritation with himself, but did not change it. It had already been submitted through his laptop into their payroll system, and altering it would be a pain in the ass. Or so he told himself, anyway. The idea of working with Eren now that Levi was done avoiding him was strangely appealing. He just hoped Hange didn't look too close at the schedule and notice what he'd done, because he would never hear the end of it.

Levi knew better. She fucking missed nothing. She seemed crazy and erratic but underneath all the wild energy, Hange was smarter than anyone he knew.

Now he was laying in his bed, later than he should really be awake and holding his flowers like he had every night since he'd gotten them, running his fingers gently over the paper. Levi had stared at them for longer than he was willing to admit, but only now had he started paying attention to the words. Had Eren cut random pieces, pasted them together thoughtlessly to form the buds? As Levi looked closer, he could see individual words centered on petals, and when he started to pick out what they were he began to smile. His name was there, something about the bible and Levites scrawled next to it, definition cut off with the curve of the edges. He also saw 'gray', as well as 'black'. Levi started to feel butterflies twisting in his chest as he continued to read, folding the pieces away from each other to decipher the letters. 'Beautiful' was there, along with 'pretty' and 'sexy'. Levi was rolling his eyes, but he couldn't stop his smile from spreading wide on his face. Then, he saw 'grouchy'. And 'moody'. And 'scowl'. _This cocky little fucker._ When he got to 'short' he hissed through his teeth, pulling out his camera and snapping a close up of the word and setting them back on his table. He sent the image to Eren, along with a text.

Levi: You think you're clever. 

Levi realized it was the first time he had sent him a message instead of just replying. He knew Eren would be aware of it, lovesick idiot that he was. Levi had not received his usual text from Eren that evening, and only now became aware that he'd been expecting it. Waiting on it. He found himself disappointed that Eren was probably asleep, would not answer him until morning. Couldn't even muster up anger at his stupid emotions, was worried about Eren instead. When his phone buzzed, irrational elation shot through him.

Eren: I know I'm clever. It took you days to notice, I'm calling this my win. This means you were sitting there staring at them, thinking of me. 

Holy shit. Levi was blushing like an idiot, alone in his room staring at his fucking phone screen. _Damn it all._ Eren had more balls than Levi gave him credit for. He was typing out a reply automatically, brain filling in sarcasm without any input from him. It was second nature.

Levi: Thinking of how much I want to hit you.

Eren: See? You want to put your hands on me. Definitely my win. 

Motherfuck, Levi was losing in this somehow, even though he had started it. He felt his face heat up further, was pulling the blankets up around himself like he could hide from someone who wasn't even in the room.

Levi: You want me to hit you? Didn't know you were a masochist, Eren. 

Eren didn't know he was blushing, right? Couldn't know he was shrinking into himself like a girl, chewing on his lip, stupid grin on his face. _Jesus, Levi. You're a grown ass man._

Eren: Bitch, I might be. 

Levi didn't respond for a minute, couldn't, didn't know what to say. Felt his heartbeat stutter in a way that pissed him off. Tried to stop his brain from going in dark, needful directions. Then his phone went off again.

Eren: I was thinking about you too. I'm excited to meet your mom. 

Levi was looking around guiltily, like there was someone watching him act like a dumb ass teenager. Someone who could see how pathetic he was. _Only you, Levi. Only you._

Levi: You might not be after you meet her. She's a force of nature.

Eren: So is Mikasa. I think I'm up for it. 

Levi considered Eren's sister, her fierce gaze, that unforgiving expression, and realized the kid had a point. He tried to think of something smart assed to say, some insult, or sarcastic quip. Then he realized there was no point in it. He had him figured out already, and Levi was exhausted. Better to quit while he was ahead, or at least not too far behind. _If you push him away too hard, one day he might actually take you seriously and give up._ The thought made him shiver.

Levi: I'm glad you're coming with me tomorrow. Goodnight. 

It took longer than it had before for Eren to answer, and Levi wasn't picturing him in bed, smiling at the message, that pink blush painting his cheeks. He _wasn't._

Eren: Me too. See you at six. Night.

Levi plugged his phone into the charger and turned out the lights, curled into himself in the darkness, warm and happy at the thought of Eren doing the same thing across town. For the first time, Levi wondered how he would feel in this bed, pressed up behind him, those long arms holding him tight. _Perfect._ It would be perfect. It made Levi smile, and in the shadows of his room he didn't fight it. Just let it carry him to sleep.

............................................................

**Eren**

Fuck, there was no way he was going to be able to fall asleep now, not that it really mattered. He had wondered if Levi would ever pay enough attention to those damn flowers to notice the words on them. Part of Eren wanted him to, wanted Levi to know what Eren thought of him without having to tell the man, while the rest was embarrassed by the mere thought. Eren had tried to hide his feelings for so long it had become automatic, so now he was fighting his instincts every step of the way as he pursued Levi to the best of his ability. Which wasn't much, to be honest, he was making shit up as he went along and hoping it would work. So far so good, apparently, as Levi had seen the flower petals and the messages he'd hidden in them. Levi had taken a picture of the one that had said 'short' and sent Eren a bitchy text, but if he had caught that one, he'd surely seen the others. As they had texted back and forth, Eren knew he would never have the confidence to say some of those things to Levi's face. Distance made him brave, and he had been doubting himself until Levi sent his last message. _'I'm glad you're coming with me tomorrow.'_ Eren's stupid fingers would barely type out his response, as clumsy and awkward over the keys as he was in everything he did. Now, he was wide awake, staring up at his ceiling and smiling in the dark. Eren reached for his laptop, plugging it in and pulling up the file that had his story in it. He could work on it for a few hours before he went to sleep. There was nothing to do the next day until he had to get ready for his date, anyway.

A few hours turned into six, fingers flying over the keys, and when the sun started shining in through his windows Eren started to panic. He'd never been good at falling asleep once the sun had risen, but he couldn't go all day without sleep. Armin walked passed his open door, pausing when he saw Eren sitting up in bed with his computer in his lap. Armin looked drowsy and, Eren had to admit, kind of adorable. His hair stuck out in a thousand different directions, not that Eren's didn't do that all the time, and his lids were only half open. He wore Dr. Seuss pajamas, and the combination of his clothes along with his tired face and messy hair made him look all of twelve years old.

"Eren? I thought you were off today? And the store doesn't open until ten...." Eren rubbed at his eyes, which were suddenly very difficult to keep open. 

"I don't. I mean, I am. It doesn't. Fuck..." He was making zero sense. "I couldn't sleep and then..." He glanced down at the screen, saving his work before closing the laptop and setting it on his bedside table. "I guess I got caught up writing." Armin was smiling, finger combing his hair, still not quite awake.

"That's good, right? The writing thing, anyway. But you should go to sleep. Get your damn beauty rest and all. You need it." Eren smirked at his sleepy friend, still a walking zombie yet able to insult him.

"It's not fair that I get beauty rest when I'm so damn sexy. Maybe I'm trying to level the playing field." Armin laughed.

"I dunno, your boss is pretty hot, even if he's a douche."

"He's not a douche!"

"I said he's a hot douche, it was a compliment."

"It's not!" Eren ran his hands through his hair, barely there. "Okay, but yeah, sleep. You're right."

"I'll be off at twelve, so I can dig out a watch for you then and help you dress. Since you're a damn caveman. Probably can't work your buttons by yourself."

"Hey!" 

Armin was gone, and Eren was laughing as he turned off the light by his bed, which did not make his room any darker considering the light streaming past the curtains. He was glad Armin would be back in time to help him prepare for his date. Not in the physical sense as he could, in fact, work buttons. _Stupid Armin._ But Eren knew when the time came to put on his suit and wait for Levi, if he was alone he would be freaking out. The last thing he wanted was to have a panic attack before he showed up to get him. He'd never be able to work up the nerve to ask Levi out again, would be embarrassed for the rest of his life. Even now he felt himself starting to stress, so he closed his eyes and took deep breaths, willing the calm through his lungs and into his body.

 _'I'm glad you're coming...'_ Maybe Eren could sleep after all.

 

Armin was shaking him awake, in no way gentle or easy. Eren's head flopped roughly back and forth on his shoulders underneath the assault, hands flying up to defend himself against an attack.

"I yield! I yield! Shit!" Armin laughed, smirking at Eren.

"It's twelve thirty, you sleepy bastard. Go take a shower while I make you some food, then we can go find a watch and get ready to do something with...." He made a vague gesture at Eren, from head to toe. "All this. Maybe."

"Mmmmmmm..." Eren closed his eyes, rubbing at his face with both palms.

"That wasn't words, Eren."

"Shut up! I'm showering, damn it!" 

His supposed friend was giggling as he retreated down the stairs, for his own safety. Eren was a thrower of things. It was a known fact. Eren showered in a stupor, padding barefoot into the kitchen to find Armin had made him pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream on them, along with some insanely delicious looking bacon and eggs.

"Oh my God, maybe I should cancel the date. I think I'm in love with you Armin. Have my babies."

"Nah, blonde is a recessive gene, gotta spread the quality hair." Eren put a hand over his heart, making an exaggerated sad face.

"I understand." He sat down at the table as Armin shoved a plate at him, stomach growling at the sight of food. "I thought we had no food. We ate fucking ramen and rice and sandwiches for the past three days." Armin shrugged, sitting across from him.

"Yesterday was payday for me and Mikasa. I went to go buy groceries last night after work. Don't worry, we'll be starving and eating cup noodles again in a few days." Fucking smart ass.

"Oh, good, glad to hear that. You had me worried."

"I know. God forbid."

They finished their food and cleaned up the mess Armin had made while cooking, washing dishes and wiping down counters. If anyone left the kitchen or the bathroom anything but spotless, Mikasa would murder them in their sleep. She didn't care that Eren's room was a disaster most of the time, or if their was laundry in the living room floor or shoes were scattered in the hallway. Fuck with the bathroom and kitchen, however, and your life was forfeit.

God rest your soul.

Armin dug out a few watches for Eren to choose between, most of which were clunky and obviously old man jewelry. There was one that was silver where the rest were gold, sleeker than the rest, less bulky. Eren didn't know anything about watches, but he could deal with that one for a night. After lazing around on the couch until about four thirty, Eren decided it was probably time to get dressed and let Armin try to do something with his hair, when his phone went off.

Levi: Don't take off your nailpolish. My mom will love it. 

Eren looked down at his fingernails, which were painted black at the moment. He had not even thought about it, to be honest.

Eren: Isn't it a little weird for me to have painted nails at a thing like this?

Levi: All the girls are doing it.

Eren: Smart ass. I'm not a girl, in case you haven't noticed.

Levi: I wouldn't be taking you on a date if you were. I am gay as fuck. And I think your nails are sexy. 

Armin must have seen the look of total disbelief on Eren's face from where he was sitting on the other side of the couch reading.

"What is it?" He couldn't answer, felt his cheeks heating. Nothing on earth could get him to take that shit off now. They would have to sever his fingers. Before he could get himself together to reply to Levi his phone was buzzing again.

Levi: Is it because you'll be the only one? I'll be there at five thirty instead of six. You can paint my nails so you won't feel weird. 

Eren: Sure. 

Eren dropped the phone to the floor, hearing it clatter as it impacted the wood. He put his hands on either side of his head, leaning forward until it rested between his knees.

"Jesus, Eren, what the fuck? Are you okay? Did..." Dread rolled through Armin. "Did he cancel, or something?" Eren shook his head.

"He's coming over thirty minutes early." Armin was confused, crawling across the couch and pulling at Eren's hands, trying to get him to sit up.

"That's fine right? You still have an hour to dress and let me fix your hair. Just go start." Eren finally rose, looking at Armin with wide eyes.

"He says he wants me to paint his nails so I won't feel weird having mine done. He... he says they're sexy." Armin smiled, eyes shining in delight as he started shoving at Eren, forcing him off the couch.

"Go get dressed, you idiot! I'll go get some polish and shit out of Mikasa's room" Eren had jumped up and started running for the stairs only to freeze in horror.

"You're going to go into her room? When she's not home?" Armin looked grave for a moment, before fisting his hand over his chest in a mock salute.

"Sacrifices must be made. I've lived a good life." Eren wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye and nodded before flying upstairs to dress. He left his jacket off, carrying it with him to the living room along with the watch he would be wearing and his shoes. Armin was in the kitchen with a comb, some gel, black nail polish and some q-tips and nail polish remover. _God bless this little fuck._ Armin did Eren's hair, and when he was done they both frowned at it. Somehow, it looked just like it always did, albeit a bit more tamed. They were not actually surprised by this, in any way, and just shrugged and accepted it. Eren put on his watch, not happy with where it sat on his wrist, but it was better than nothing. He was shrugging his jacket on when a knock sounded at the door and he froze, looking at Armin like a deer caught in headlights. When he glanced at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was five fifteen.

"Fuck, he's early!" Armin just laughed at him.

"Yeah, he said he would be."

"No, he's early-early. Earlier than the early he said he would be." Armin went over to Eren, grabbing his shoulders and looking him in the eye.

"It's fifteen minutes, it's fine. Chill out. You want me to answer for you?" He blinked a few times before shaking his head.

"No. No, I'll do it. Thanks for helping me out, Armin."

"Anytime. Now go answer the door and paint your hot boss's fingernails." Eren steeled himself, heading for the door as Armin retreated up the stairs. He held onto the knob for a few moments, taking a deep breath.

_You can do this. Levi thinks you're sexy._

He was smiling when he opened the door.


	8. Promise

Eren just stood in the doorway staring, and even after he realized what he was doing he couldn't help it. Levi looked _devastating._ His suit was black like Eren's, the only color coming from his tie's thin gray pinstripes. He thought his boss looked good in jeans and a v-neck, but holy shit, this was a different level of sexy. He didn't know how he was supposed to function while Levi looked like this, how he was supposed to actually speak and walk and think. Eren waited to his boss to tease him for gaping like an idiot, but Levi didn't say anything. That's when Eren noticed that he was staring right back, face a mirror of Eren's own. He managed to pull himself together first, somehow, and when Levi's eyes trailed back up to his face Eren was wearing that damn smirk his boss always managed to pull. He felt proud of himself, but Levi just grinned right back.

"Guess we're both sexy." Then Eren had blushed, smirk vanishing, and he had to settle for a tie rather than a victory.

Now Eren was sitting next to Levi on the exceedingly questionable couch in their living room, and if he had considered just how run down and ragged their house was he might not have been so eager to allow his boss inside. The furniture had all been there since before Armin's grandfather died, and the man had not lived there for quite some time prior to his passing. It was old and worn, the fabric some strange flowered print that Eren was pretty sure was ugly even when it was new. Levi didn't say anything, just kept looking around like he was vaguely worried about something. Eren had the nail polish opened, but when he reached out to take Levi's hand and start painting he hesitated, staring at his boss's fingertips warily. Levi felt himself start to smirk.

"You look like you're trying to disarm a bomb, Jaeger." Those bright green eyes blinked up at him, a scowl painting his features. Levi was a bad influence on him.

"Shut up, Levi. You're such a damn perfectionist, everything has to be clean and orderly and just right. If I get any of this on your cuticles you'll probably gouge out my eyes." 

"That would get me even dirtier. Do you know how hard it is to get out bloodstains? Plus your eyes probably have all sorts of viscera in them. I'd be cleaning your gore out from under my nails for a week." Eren stared at him, trying not to smile and failing.

"Fuck, alright. Don't blame me if your nails look like a toddler painted them."

"You are a toddler though. Pretty much." Eren sighed in defeat, readjusting his grip on Levi's fingers.

"Damn it all to hell..." 

He started to paint agonizingly slowly, careful and precise with each line of color, edging around the cuticles hesitantly. His grip on Levi's hand was studiously relaxed when he really wanted to clutch it desperately, interlock it with his own and not let go. Eren had never wanted to just _touch_ someone else so badly, and even if it was for something as trivial as this he found himself fighting a blush. Those clear nails were slowly filled in, and only when he let out a gush of air did Eren realize he was holding his breath as he did finished each finger. After what seemed like an eternity but was really more like fifteen minutes, Eren was finally done, Levi's nails as black as his own and shining in the light. He had, miraculously, not fucked up a single one, cuticles clean, polish applied smooth and even. Eren was staring at them in disbelief, having been fairly positive he would be too nervous to pull it off.

"You seem surprised." Levi's voice was wry, full of amusement. Eren just smiled wide, face splitting with unreasonable joy. Mikasa liked to paint Eren's nails, but she wanted to do them in dark purples, dark reds, dark greens. If they were black it was because Eren had done them and not his sister. He was constantly taking off the color she put on and redoing them himself, much to her chagrin. It should've been no big deal to paint his boss's. 

But it was _Levi._

"I thought I was gonna fuck it up." Levi was looking at them appraisingly.

"Your nails are painted literally all the time. How would you manage to fuck it up?"

"Because it's you! You make me nervous." Eren hadn't meant to say that, but the words had spilled out on their own, as they so often did. He cringed under that steely gaze that asked questions he could not answer.

"Don't be nervous. You did good." He sighed, looking at Eren with an expression that was unreadable. "Eren, you're..." Levi trailed off, not finishing his thought as his brows furrowed together, and Eren wanted to force the words from his mouth. _I'm what?_ But his boss just shook his head dismissively. "Anyway, it's fine. It's five forty-five, we can probably get going. It'll take thirty minutes to get there, probably another little bit to park, and then we have to meet up with my parents and get settled before seven."

Eren piled all of Mikasa things together on the table, praying that Armin would be able to put them away before she noticed they were gone. Otherwise they would be facing her wrath when she got back. He shouted a farewell up the stairs and then they were out the door, piling into Levi's car and heading towards downtown Stohess. Levi glanced towards Eren as though he expected him to speak, since the kid usually never shut up, but he couldn't come up with anything to say, nerves shaking their way up his spine. 

"You alright, kid?" Eren nodded even as tension swirled in his gut. He was not alright, was terrified of walking into this event full of rich doctors and well dressed philanthropists. Eren would be more out of place than he had ever been in his entire life, and panic danced around the edges of his mind, sharp and threatening to tug him under. Levi's voice shook him out of it, just slightly, and for that the brunette was grateful.

"I'm nervous, actually. Never been to any kind of formal thing like this, plus I'm gonna meet your parents. Feels like walking into a firing squad." Levi let out a soft chuckle, glancing over at Eren and smiling. It was genuine, not one of his smirks or mirthful grins, but an honest-to-god smile. It made Eren's insides twist in the best ways.

"My mom will love you. My dad will scowl and glare at everyone within a ten mile radius who isn't my mother, including us, but it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It's just how he is." Somehow, Eren was not surprised.

"So you take after him, I suppose."

"Pfft. Yeah, I guess so. What about you, brat? You take after your dad?" The question took him by surprise and Eren froze, dark memories swirling through his mind, taking him somewhere far away. Across miles and years, through seas of emotion. _Fists raining down on his mothers flesh. Steel glinting in muted light. Blood pooling at his feet. His father speaking into his ear, so quiet that he could barely make out the words, 'I'll be back for you one day, boy.'_ His breath came faster as he tried to stop the rush of images that played out behind his eyes, and he jolted when Levi spoke again. "Hey. Eren." He blinked fast, turning to look at his boss like he'd appeared there out of nowhere. How long had he sat there, silent and unmoving?

"N-no." Levi looked confused, brows furrowing together, head cocked to the side.

"No what?" Eren's left hand fisted in his lap, fingers of his right easing into his sleeve to run along the scar hidden within.

"No. I'm nothing like him." There was something cold in Eren's voice, something not even he recognized. It belonged to another person, another place. Someone he didn't want to be. Somewhere he didn't want to go. Eren wanted to be here, now. Sitting next to Levi, eating up the distance towards his future. Even his boss could sense the tension in him, could feel it clouding the air like poison.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Forget about it, just... brace yourself for my mother. She's... she's something else."

Levi was trying to change the subject, and Eren appreciated the gesture, but his words were echoing through Eren's ears. _'Forget about it.'_

Fuck, he'd been trying to do that for years and years. He'd tried doctors, and medicine, and therapy. Drugs, and denial. Tried with knives. Water. Gravity. Tried with a handful of pills, only to be pulled back from the edge by thoughts of the man sitting next to him, teaching him a new kind of pain. The pain there was in hope, sharp and agonizing. A pain that you welcomed into your veins so it could tear you apart inside. Even so, Eren hadn't thought about his past for the last week. Hadn't thought about his mother, or his father, or how he had been broken under the fists of his classmates. Hadn't thought about the rejections of his writing, or his repeated failures in employment. Had not thought of all the times he tried to end it all, wanting to leap into the abyss, transform into nothingness. All he'd been thinking of was Levi. It was probably not healthy.

But man, it had been wonderful.

.................................................................

Levi was cursing himself for the rest of the painfully silent ride, wishing he had kept his mouth shut. Everything had been going so well before he'd fucked it all up. He'd spoken carelessly, forgetting for a moment how carefully Eren avoided any mention of his family, and now he'd dredged up something painful for the kid. It was obvious in the way he was curled into himself, and only as he noticed Eren shrinking in the corner of his eye did he remember seeing it before, when they were on their way to buy Eren's suit. That time Levi had said something sarcastic about strangling his mother, and Eren had wilted just like he was now. _You're so stupid, Levi._ Then he started thinking about his own mother, boisterous and full of questions, and when they were waiting at a red light he pulled his phone out to text her.

**Levi: When you're doing your horrific interrogation of my date, no questions about his parents.**

Finally they were pulling into the parking lot of the event hall that was hosting the charity gala, and he waved the valet away to park his own vehicle. The attendants would always glare at Levi as though they were insulted, but he'd never had anyone stop him from doing it himself. They both climbed out, Levi taking a few steps towards the entrance before noticing that Eren was not beside him. He was leaning against Levi's car, hands on his knees, eyes wrenched shut. When Levi walked back over to stand in front of him he realized the kid was breathing fast, as though they'd run there instead of driving. _Shit, what did I do?_

"Eren, what's wrong?" The brat shook his head, bending over even further towards the ground. Levi put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, trying and failing to pull him into a standing position. "Is it what I said earlier? I'm really fucking sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no it's not that. It's me. Fuck, I knew this was going to happen." Eren was crouching down now, and when his hands came up to cover his face Levi noticed they were trembling. Levi slid down in front of him, pulling his hands away, leaning down to try and catch his gaze.

"Knew what was going to happen? C'mon kid, talk to me." A couple was walking by, whispering as they stared at the pair, and Levi shot them a glare that had the two scurrying away in silence. He turned his gaze back towards Eren, only getting him to look up when he brushed his hair out of those green eyes. "Eren, what is it?" His brow was furrowed, and he was clearly torn about whatever it was he wanted to say, opening and closing his mouth several times before he got anything out through his ragged breaths.

"I-I... Fuck. I have panic attacks. Usually it's at night, o-or in the mornings, but I should've known, should've just stayed home." Levi felt desperation crawling into his chest, worry stronger than any he had ever known filling him. Seeing Eren hurting like this had him aching, wanting to take him in his arms, soothe his anxiety away. To protect him. The thought of this kid lying in his bed with panic shooting through him, shaking and gasping and alone, made Levi break inside. Before he knew what he was doing he was reaching out, pulling Eren into his chest. Levi pressed the brat's face into his shoulder, his hands clutching at Eren's back and rubbing slow circles there. 

"No, you shouldn't have. I want you here. You're gonna be just fine. Just... just _breathe,_ okay?" _Just breathe._ The words made Eren's body go even more tense for a moment, but then it eased out of him in a rush before he threw his arms around Levi, leaning into him. They were still crouching awkwardly next to Levi's car, but he made no move to stand up or release Eren. Just held him close as he listened to his breathing even out, felt his shaking hands start to still. It was a few minutes before he spoke, and when he did the words were muffled by the fabric of Levi's suit.

"I'm sorry." Levi was frowning at that, reaching up to smooth down the back of the kid's hair.

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything." Eren clung to Levi a little tighter, a dark laugh coming out of his mouth.

"I'm an idiot." Levi turned his head, speaking his words right into Eren's ear, lips hot against his skin. He felt the brat shiver.

"You're not an idiot. You're just human. Shit happens. Does this happen a lot?" Eren nodded, silence stretching between them, and it seemed like the kid was about to pull back and stand up. Just before he did Levi stilled him, burying his hand in the back of Eren's hair, fingers clenching around messy brown locks. "Next time your at home and that happens I want you to call me." Eren was shaking his head, no, but Levi pulled back to look at the kid's face, pinning him with that serious stare. "I'm your boss. You gotta do what I say." The brat laughed again, and this time it was not full of gravel.

"I think that's an abuse of your authority." Levi smirked at him, relief shooting through his guts at that smile on Eren's face.

"I'm nothing if not abusive."

"Probably not wise to tell your date that." 

"We've already established that you're a masochist. Maybe I'm trying to woo you." The brat stood up then, laughing even more as Levi stood with him, letting his hands drop to his sides. "Really though, kid, I don't want you at home dealing with something like that by yourself. You need to call me, okay?"

"Levi, I can't-" Levi was cutting him off, leaning in close to Eren's face, eyes alight.

"You fucking can. You will. Alright?" He watched emotions play out over Eren's face, could see when he gave in as clear as day. Darkness swam out of his eyes and he stood a bit taller, a weight lifted from his shoulders. Those shoulders that were perpetually shrugging, taunting Levi with his carelessness.

"Alright."

"Let's go introduce you to my mother. Also, I'm sorry in advance." Eren smiled impossibly wide.

"Don't be sorry about your mom. I'm glad I can meet her."

Levi didn't argue with himself, or second guess, or hesitate. He just reached down and took Eren's hand, and they walked inside together.

.........................................................................

 

When they found Levi's mom at the table reserved for the four of them she was rising from her seat, eyes wide as she looked at he and Eren approaching, hands entwined. She was short like Levi, hair dark and hanging around her shoulders. Their eyes were the exact same shade of gray, and she looked so much like Levi that it was a little unsettling. Eren found himself staring at her openly, looking between the two in shock. Then she laughed louder than should be possible as she threw her arms around Eren with a grin.

"Hello there! I'm Kuchel, Levi's mom! Benjamin is around here somewhere. You must be Eren, I'm so glad to meet you!" He tensed in her embrace before awkwardly patting her on the back, looking at Levi as if for help.

"Don't look at me, kid. You're on your own here." 

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Ackerman." She pulled back from the impromptu hug, holding onto Eren's shoulders as her eyes roamed over him from head to toe.

"He paid you, didn't he? Levi, you paid this poor boy to pretend to be your date." Eren smirked, cutting his eyes at Levi with a mischievous expression.

"Actually, he does pay me." She released one of Eren's shoulders to shove at her son, pushing him back a step as she scolded him.

"Levi! This doesn't count." He was rolling his eyes, making an irritated noise at Eren.

"He works at the store. He's my employee." Then she was grinning again, letting go of Eren to pull her son into a brief hug before moving to sit down at the table. Levi and Eren followed suit, the latter glad to get some distance from her.

"Ah, a little smart ass! I guess he'd have to be to put up with you, love. That doesn't make it any better though, does it? Preying on your workers like that." 

"He's the one who asked me out. If anyone's a predator, it's him."

"He asked you out to a charity event your mother made you attend?"

"No, he asked me out before that! Said he'd only come with me today if I went on a date with him somewhere else." Kuchel looked at Eren with a smirk, sliding a glass of wine across the table at each of them.

"Well played, sir. Well played." When Eren reached for the wine glass, she snatched it back, narrowing her eyes at him. "You are legal, right? Levi, are you corrupting minors?"

"I'm twenty-four, ma'am." Kuchel was giggling, slapping her hand on the table as she returned his wine to him. Eren began to wonder how many of those glasses she had drunk already.

"He called me ma'am! Levi, you have to stick with this one. He's adorable! And far too cute for you with all your glaring and snark. So you took my son out on a date already, Eren?" He just nodded, taking a generous swig of wine. Maybe if he drank a glass or two this woman wouldn't be so overwhelming. Levi didn't touch his, just took a drink of water as he eyed his mother suspiciously, knowing what was to come. "Where did you two go?" Eren looked to Levi who shrugged and remained silent. 

"I- ah, we had a picnic on a rooftop downtown and watched the sunset." Kuchel got that wide-eyed look again, smiling at Eren like he was the single best thing she'd ever seen.

"Oh Levi, I want this one! I'll feed him and give him baths and take him outside! Please, can we keep him?" Eren blushed, and Levi reached out thoughtlessly to touch his cheeks, only to pull his hand back when he realized what he was doing before turning his gaze back on his mother.

"Jesus Christ Mom, how much have you had to drink?" A deep voice sounded out from behind them, causing Eren and Levi to turn around in their seats. 

"Enough, but still not half of what she'll finish before we leave. Levi, I'm glad you made it. Your mother wouldn't shut up about you and your date all week." Levi's dad was patting him on the shoulder, nodding at Eren before he moved to sit down. "I'm Benjamin, Levi's father. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Eren. I'm sorry about my wife, she's usually quite brilliant." Kuchel was slapping at her husband until she saw the bottle of wine in his hand and snagged it from him.

"I'm always brilliant! But hey, if I have to sit through his boring meal they are damn well going to get me drunk. I'm all for raising money for a good cause, but would it kill them to play some music or something? Shit." Kuchel noticed that Eren had downed most of his wine and took it upon herself to refill his glass with a smile on her face. "My boys are no fun, Eren. There all seriousness and scowls. Get trashed and harass Levi with me! C'mon, it'll be great! If Erwin was here he would do it, but I think we can manage just fine without him." Eren looked at Levi, smiling, and _fucking shrugged, goddamnit._ Levi looked like he wanted to shake his mother.

"I can't refuse such a beautiful lady, Levi. Especially not your mom." Eren downed his glass, smirking, and Levi slid his own over to him with a resigned sigh as he took a long drink of water.

"Oh fuck, here we go." Kuchel was cheering, shouting something about her new drinking buddy as a waiter began to set plates down before them.

It was going to be a long night.

.........................................................

There were speeches they pretended to pay attention to, and colleagues of Levi's parents that came by to chat, but it was mostly Eren and Kuchel drinking and giggling like schoolgirls. When everything was said and done a couple of hours later Levi's mother was thoroughly drunk, an arm slung around Eren as they all made their way outside together. The brat was wasted too, though no quite as severely as Kuchel despite her valiant efforts. They had talked to each other all night long, Levi and his father quiet in the face of their exuberance. The older man had watched his wife with a fond expression as she told Eren stories about her son, texted him pictures, and kept filling his wine glass over and over. They took a selfie together, and her son couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Kuchel, face pressed in close to Eren's. He wanted to feel the heat of that cheek on his own, too, have a picture of Eren's smiling face next to his. But Levi had not seen his mother have so much fun in ages, and even though it felt like his date had been stolen he couldn't find it in himself to mind. Eren was a lot more talkative with some booze in him, and Levi had a wry smirk on his face the entire evening as he giggled with Kuchel, recounting stories about he and Mikasa and Armin and all the ridiculous trouble they'd gotten into as teenagers. The drunken duo did not talk as much about Levi as he had expected, but when Eren told his mother that he thought Levi's scowl was cute he thought her face was going to break, she was smiling so hard.

Now Kuchel was weaving over the pavement, Eren struggling to keep her upright when his own steps were wobbly an unsure. When they both stepped off the sidewalk and staggered Levi and his father were there to catch them, separating the two and steadying their respective dates with an arm underneath their shoulders. Levi rolled his eyes, pulling Eren's arm around him and lacing his own around the kid's waist.

"Well son it was nice to see you, but I need to get your mother home before she starts trying to sing." Kuchel was protesting, gesturing wildly with her free hand, pointing a finger in her husband's face.

"I can sing! I sing beautifully!" Eren was smiling, leaning into Levi and smelling faintly of wine and cologne.

"You tell 'em, Mrs. Ackerman!" She cackled, and it sounded disconcertingly like Hange's laughter. Levi found himself shuddering instinctively.

"See? Eren wants to hear me sing! Eren, let's go sing karaoke next time! We can leave them at home and they can glare at each other all night!" Levi's father was just smiling, looking at his wife affectionately.

"Ppffffffttttt!" Eren and Kuchel both started laughing together, shaking with it as Levi scowled at his mother.

"See you later, Dad. Love you, Mom, but I gotta take your friend home, okay?"

"Awwww, okay. Bye Eren! Text me!"

"I will! Bye Levi's mom!"

His parents wandered off towards their vehicle, leaving Levi and Eren to do the same. Without a wasted Kuchel hanging onto him Eren's steps were much more steady, but Levi still did not let him walk on his own. He told himself it was to make sure the brat wouldn't fall.

He knew better.

When they reached his car he opened Eren's door for him and the kid climbed inside with a sigh. Levi circled around and collapsed into the driver's seat, exhausted after dealing with his intoxicated mother for so long.

"Fuck, Mikasa's gonna bitch me out allllllll night for this." There was the barest hint of a slur in his words, and Levi couldn't help but find it adorable.

"For what?"

"For getting so wasted."

"Why does she care what you do? It's not like you're driving that way, and you're off tomorrow."

"Says 'm pushin' my luck. She's probably right." Pushing his luck? Levi didn't understand, and wasn't sure he would get a clear answer out of the inebriated brat at his side.

"Pushing your luck?"

"Afraid I'll try for three. Third time's a charm, right? She doesn' know the fuckin' half of it." Eren was mumbling, voice high and manic as crazed laughter poured out of him. The kid was making no sense, but the idea of his sister scolding him after having such a good time made Levi feel irritated. _Fuck it, all he can say is no, right?_

"If you don't want to go home, you don't have to. You can crash on my couch or something. I swear I'm not being a 'predator', as you and my mother so succinctly put it." Eren was looking at Levi like he had saved the entire world, buses full of orphans, homeless kittens, the whole nine yards. Those green eyes lit up with raw emotion, his smile shooting painfully wide.

"You fuckin' with me, Levi? Y'gonna lemme sleep on your couch?" All Levi could do was laugh at that giddy expression. It was too easy to make this kid happy, and Levi was starting to feel strange, chest swelling up with elation.

"C'mon kid. Text your tyrant sister and let's go."

................................................................

When they arrived at Levi's house Eren was barely awake, but he got out on his own, staggering over to Levi and snatching his hand as they walked to the door. The kid had taken his right hand, so Levi had to fumble awkwardly with his left to get the knob unlocked.

"You're house's nice, boss man. Nicer'n the giant piece of shit we live in." Levi snorted, was still struggling to get the key into the lock as Eren leaned into him, pressing his face into Levi's hair and breathing in with a groan. "Y'smell really good." The metal finally slid into the knob but Levi didn't turn it. He was frozen in place, Eren rubbing his face back and forth against Levi's raven locks, inhaling their scent. Levi could smell Eren again too, a dark woodsy scent that had heat rushing through him. _Get this kid to sleep, Levi. He's fucking wasted, he's not going to remember any of this. Get your shit together._

"C'mon, brat. Let's get you to bed before you fall asleep on me." He opened the door and tugged them both inside, locking it as he started leading Eren towards his bedroom. Levi didn't bother turning any lights on until he got into his room, flicking the lamp the beside table on to bring a soft glow around them.

"Aww, I dunno, fallin' asleep on you sounds good t'me." Fuck, this kid was killing him. Levi had said he would let Eren have the couch, but that was only so the brat wouldn't protest. He would sleep on the couch himself, let the drunken man-child have his bed for the night. _Then when you crawl in it to sleep tomorrow night, it will smell like Eren..._ Finally Levi was easing him down to sit on the mattress, kicking his own shoes off and tossing his suit jacket over the back of a chair.

"Okay, kid, jacket off, shoes off. You wearing an undershirt, maybe?" He couldn't imagine sleeping in a button up dress shirt, but none of his own clothes would fit Eren and it seemed shady as fuck to tell him to get half naked and climb into his bed. The kid was nodding repeatedly, many more times than necessary, toeing his shoes off and shrugging out of his jacket. Levi lay it on top of his own while Eren unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it to the floor, leaving him in a plain white t-shirt and his dress pants and socks. It would probably not be especially relaxing to sleep in those either but Levi was definitely not going to have Eren waking up in his boss's bed dressed only in underwear, hungover, most likely with no memory of how exactly he got there from the charity gala instead of to his own home. Looking at the boy who was crawling up to his mattress and climbing under Levi's blankets with a groan, dark thoughts flitted through his mind. _Maybe I am a predator._ He shoved those shadowy inclinations back viciously, taking off his own shirt and digging through his dresser for some pajamas. Levi kicked his pants off and put the sleepwear on where he stood since Eren's eyes were closed, face shoved into Levi's pillows.

"Thought I was sleepin' on your couch. Not complainin', this's better." Levi sat down on the side of the bed, and Eren turned to look at him with a sleepy grin. "Fuck, 'm in your bed, Levi. Not like I wanna be, but still. 'S better'n I imagined. Smells like you." Levi just looked at Eren as waved of emotion rolled through him. He wanted to keep this beautiful kid between his sheets forever. Wanted to crawl in next to him. Had never wanted anything as badly.

"I'll take the couch, it's fine. I'll see you in the morning, brat." He moved to get up only to have Eren snatch his arm, tugging him back to the bed.

"Awwww, Levi, c'mon. Stay here w'me. I'll be all lonely without you."

"You'll be asleep in thirty seconds."

"Noooooo, Levi, pleeeease. I won' do anything." Levi was gazing at Eren with lust in his veins. _I might._ But looking down into those shining eyes, that expression begging and desperate, Levi found he couldn't say no. Just like before they went on the roof for their date, it was not in him to refuse the kid when he made that fucking adorable face.

"Alright, shit, move over." Eren scooted to the middle of the bed and pulled the blankets back, but Levi tugged them back up.

"Yesssss! Levi's gonna cuddle me!" He settled on top of the bedding with Eren underneath, propping himself up on his elbow and smirking down at the kid.

"I didn't say that."

"You can't stop me." Eren did, in fact, cuddle in next to Levi as best he could, looking up into his eyes with a somnolent grin on his face.

"You said you wouldn't do anything. You're a manipulator."

"Aww, but cuddles don' count. They're _wholesome._ " Levi brushed the kid's hair out of his eyes wondering how exactly it had come to this, Eren in his bed pressed in close, looking at Levi like he was the whole world. He didn't deserve that look. Then Eren reached up, running his fingertips over Levi's lips, staring at them hungrily. "I really like you, Levi." Levi found himself smiling, unable to keep that mask of calm in place. Eren was the very definition of _vibrant,_ and here he was by some strange miracle. So close Levi could feel his heat. Smell his skin. Touch his face. Nothing Levi could've done would have kept the words back. They'd been wanting to pour out for ages.

"I like you too, kid." Eren's face was triumphant, tracing those clumsy fingers back and forth across Levi's mouth, smile going from sleepy to breathtaking. Levi had the urge to take Eren's fingers between his lips, suck them inside, run his tongue in slow circles around them and watch his face transform into a haze of desire. It took every ounce of his will to hold back, to keep from straddling Eren's hips and leaning down to taste him. When Eren spoke his cheeks turned a light pink, flushing, eyes dancing with want.

"Kiss me, Levi." Everything froze, the earth grinding to a halt on its axis, leaving Levi shuddering in its wake. _'Kiss me.'_ Levi wanted to, needed to. _Fuck,_ he wanted it more than he ever remembered wanting anything. More than he wanted air. His breathing stuttered in his chest as he pulled the words out through a throat gone tight. Words he didn't want to say, but had to nonetheless.

"No. I can't." He felt Eren's fingers still on his lips as he spoke. Sorrow lanced across those perfect features, and Levi felt traitorous. He wanted those lips, that kiss, just as much as Eren did. But this brat wouldn't even remember it the next day, and then it would be Levi with a face full of sorrow. His whole world changed and Eren none the wiser, having forgotten that he owned Levi now, had swallowed him whole. The ache in Eren's voice was tangible, and it resonated inside Levi, taking all that he was and twisting it.

"Why not? _Please,_ Levi. Jus' once." _No, not once. More than once. A hundred times. A thousand._ Eren ran his thumb across those lips he wanted now, tugging the corner of Levi's mouth down slightly, and he looked like he wanted to cry.

"You won't remember tomorrow, Eren. I want you to remember." Hope. Rising up in those green depths, swimming out over his face. So blatant and fierce it was almost painful to see.

"You wanna kiss me?" It came out small and quiet. Unsure. Eren was never unsure. Levi just nodded, not knowing how his voice would sound. "Kiss me in the mornin'. When I'll remember." Everything was spinning in circles around him, and Levi wondered if he was the one who was drunk. Drunk on this gorgeous boy in front of him, with his perfect fucking eyes and his stupid messy hair. Drunk on that wide, honest smile that was always pointed right at Levi. Drunk on that gaze that saw more than he wanted it to, all the way down inside him.

"Okay." Eren seemed surprised, joy lighting him up, and he moved his hand from Levi's lips to rest on his cheek, holding his stare.

"Promise." He wouldn't remember in the morning, wouldn't be capable of holding his boss to his word. Still, Levi took a deep breath, steeled himself before answering.

"Okay. I promise." Eren smiled. That fucking smile was going to be the death of him. It could destroy nations. Lay waste to empires. Levi would conquer the goddamned world for that smile. Then the brat closed his eyes snuggled up to Levi's chest, tucking his hands under his chin with a sigh.

"Night, Levi." It was so much better than a text message, and Levi knew he would miss it the next night when he lay there in the dark alone.

"Goodnight, Eren." It was quiet for so long that Levi thought Eren had fallen asleep, and he started threading his fingers through those soft, brown strands. Then the kid spoke again, startling Levi, causing his hand to freeze in its ministrations. He was grateful Eren's eyes were closed so he couldn't see the guilty look on Levi's face.

"Your mom's awesome. I think I love her." _Fuck it._ Levi continued playing with Eren's hair, and the brat shoved his head into the touch. There was laughter in his voice when Levi replied.

"You like me but you love her? She wins, I guess." Eren's own voice was almost incoherent, words mumbly and strung together, but Levi could pick them out.

"Shhhhhh! If I love you, you'll run away from me. So I can't love you yet... 'kay?" There were daggers in Levi's gut, twisting open his veins and letting all that he was pour out. _'If I love you, you'll run...'_

"Okay, Eren. Go to sleep."

Levi let his hands roam through Eren's hair until the kid's breathing went deep and even. He didn't want to sleep with this kid pressed in so close, it felt like a waste, but exhaustion swam through him and he reached to turn the lamp off when the watch on Eren's left wrist caught his eye. It seemed heavy and awkward tucked up by the brat's face, and Levi's skin itched just looking at it. He reached down and lifted up Eren's arm and unfastened it, only to have his breath hitch. _Fuck._ There was a deep, vicious scar running lengthwise down the kid's wrist, starting from the heel of his hand and extending a good six inches up his forearm, stopping around halfway to Eren's elbow. Levi set the watch on the table and ran his fingers across the wound, something dark and achy growing in his chest. _Oh, Eren._ Before he could stop himself Levi was lifting up Eren's other wrist. There was one on the right too, though it was nothing like the first. Shallower. Shorter. But still there, accusing Levi in silence.

 _"How'd you know it's beautiful? The sunset. From here. Why the hell would you be up here in the first place?"_ Eren had shrugged after Levi had asked that, lifting those shoulders like he always did. Dismissive. Nonchalant.

_"I was gonna jump?"_

All those bracelets he wore all time, only on his left arm. Levi had never seen Eren without them until that night, when he'd had a watch instead. Tugging the sleeve of his jacket down in the shop, insisting it didn't fit right. Doing everything he could to keep this covered, locked inside. Levi held Eren's arms out, staring at those jagged marks like they were going somewhere, as though they would disappear before his eyes. Then the brat was pulling his right hand out of Levi's grasp, clasping it over the scar on his left wrist. Hiding it from Levi, even in his sleep.

"God, Eren. How old are these?" Levi's mind was working, searching his brain for answers he would never find inside. Had Eren really taken Levi on a date somewhere he had almost killed himself? _Jesus fucking Christ._ Then he was sitting up, turning off the light, tugging the blankets back and climbing underneath them next to Eren. Levi stared at the kid, lifting up that savaged wrist and pressing his lips to the scar before tugging Eren into his chest. His arms laced around the brat's back, squeezing so tight that he heard Eren let out a choked breath. He eased back his grip, pressing his face into those messy strands and kissing them as he breathed in deep. 

All he could think about was a world without Eren. A world where he was buried in a hole in the ground instead of in Levi's arms. His eyes started to sting, and when they began to fill with tears he didn't blink them back, or try to fight them.

For the first time in Levi's life, he just let them fall.


	9. Of Scars And Sleep

Eren's first thought when he started to wake up, besides that his head felt like it would burst, was that it was warmer than it should be. Someone was holding him, and he began to wonder if Armin had heard him having a nightmare and come to crawl in bed with him. The smell was off, though, and when he blinked open his lids and looked up Eren was frozen. _Levi._ Holy fuck, he was in bed with Levi, the smaller man curled around him, clutching him tight, one of his legs thrown over the brunette. Eren's mind began working, sifting through blurry memories, trying to put the pieces together. They'd gone to the charity gala, and he'd... shit, he'd gotten totally trashed with Levi's mom. Then instead of going home his boss had brought him here, tucked him into bed, and... crawled in next to him, apparently. Foggy snippets of conversation came back to him, him drunkenly babbling nonsense at Levi. Some of it was still there, teasing the edges of his mind, but not everything. Eren felt fear shooting through him. They hadn't... _slept_ together... had they? He would not have regretted having sex with Levi, even blackout drunk, not even a little.

He would, however, regret not being coherent enough to remember it.

But no, he was still wearing his dress pants, could tell Levi was dressed as well. No soreness in his muscles anywhere. _Oh, thank fuck._ Eren wouldn't have thought it possible for him to be so relieved that he had not gotten laid. Now he was pressed in close to Levi, head tucked underneath his chin, breathing the same air. As he began to calm down, he sighed. It felt _so damn good_ to be in Levi's arms, and he found himself hoping that his boss stayed asleep. He didn't want to move, wanted to revel in this perfect moment as long as he could.

Then he realized that he was no longer wearing his watch, or his dress shirt, and his wrist was exposed for all to see. Eren tried to jerk it into his chest, only then becoming aware that Levi's hand was closed around his left arm. _No, no, no, fuck..._ He pulled harder, trying to extricate himself from his boss's grasp. Maybe he hadn't noticed, maybe he-

"I already saw. It's okay. Come here." Levi's voice was rough with sleep as he clutched Eren tighter, kissing the top of his head. The brunette's breaths started to come faster, sharp with panic, and he couldn't decide what to feel. Levi had seen his scars, the ones he worked so hard to hide, he _knew,_ knew Eren was weak, knew he was stupid, worthless. But he was also pulling Eren in close, pressing his lips into his hair, saying 'it's okay'... He didn't realize he was making any sounds until Levi was shushing him, only then hearing the whine that had come from his throat. Levi didn't pull back, didn't try to meet Eren's eyes. Just let Eren hide in his chest, and he had never been more grateful for anything in his life. "Shhh, Eren, it's fine. We don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to. I do want to ask you some things, but it can wait until you're ready. Not forever, but it doesn't need to be today. Just lay with me here for awhile, okay?" Eren took a shuddering breath before he answered, voice small and lost.

"Okay."

It was a long time before the tension eased out of Eren's muscles and he relaxed into Levi's embrace. Only when he was loose and calm, sleep threatening to take him again despite his headache and inner turmoil, did Levi's voice cut through the quiet.

"Let's get up, make breakfast. I know you're hungover as fuck. There's extra toothbrushes in the drawer in the bathroom. Hange likes to come over, get trashed and pass out on my couch. If I don't have any new ones she will use mine, nasty bitch that she is." Eren nodded, a small smirk coming to his lips in spite of everything. He tried to get up, only to have Levi tighten his arms around him, not allowing him to move. "Don't put that ugly watch back on, or that uncomfortable fucking button up. You're gonna stop hiding from me, okay?" The smile on his face disappeared and his chest felt tight, but he nodded again, butterflies dancing in his stomach. Levi was on his feet then, looking at Eren's face for the first time since he'd woken and smiling. "Damn, look at that hair. I didn't think it was possible for it to be any messier. I thought you just didn't brush it, but I guess you do." 

Levi turned and went into the bathroom, leaving Eren sitting up on the bed, cheeks flushing bright. He combed his fingers through his wild hair, glancing down warily at his wrist, fighting the urge to hide it even alone in the room. It felt wrong, like he was naked in a way that did not involve clothes. Eren was still staring at it when the door to the bathroom swung open, his right hand covering the scar instinctively, guiltily. Levi saw what he was doing and frowned at him.

"Stop that. Go brush your damn teeth. And your hair, if you want, there's a comb in there. I dunno though, I kinda like it all crazy like that. It's pretty adorable." 

Eren's mouth dropped open, and he pretty much ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, unable to deal with Levi's words, or Levi's voice, or Levi's stare. _Levi said I'm adorable..._ Fuck, Eren was going to melt into a puddle on the floor and his boss would have to clean him up with a fucking mop. He held onto the sink as his world spun around him, leaning over it, shaking his head as he tried to clear it. Unsuccessfully. Adrenaline shot through him again, but instead of making him shaky and breathless he just felt.... excited. Eren had spent the night in Levi's bed, wrapped up in his embrace. His boss had seen his scars, and somehow did not seem to think he was pathetic. Fuck, he'd told Eren he was adorable, was going to eat breakfast with him. Told him to stop hiding. It felt unreal in all the best ways but part of Eren was waiting to wake up alone in his bed at home, all of this a dream.

He pulled the drawer open and found a half dozen sealed toothbrushes, different shades of blue and green, along with a post-it that said 'I hate you, Hange.' Eren unwrapped a bright blue one and proceeded to brush his teeth, smirking the whole time at Levi's note. He combed through his hair as best he could, but until he showered and washed out the gel from the day before there was not much to be done about it. After draining what felt like gallons of wine from his bladder and washing his hands he held onto the doorknob, unable to turn it. Surely Levi was in the kitchen now, Eren would have a few more moments to pull himself together. He opened the door and stepped into the room, only to have Levi grab him by the shoulders and press him into the wall. Eren looked down into those stony gray eyes, heat shooting through him where there were pressed against each other, one of Levi's hands cupping his jaw. _Oh, fuck._

"I believe I made you a promise. You probably don't remember but that doesn't matter. I want to keep it." Levi leaned in, bringing their lips together in a gentle kiss, and it took everything Eren had not to moan into it. Levi pulled back, eating Eren alive with his gaze, eyes glittering with delight. The brunette was panting, was embarrassed by the sounds he was making yet he could not calm his breathing. "Go out with me, Eren." Those bright green eyes blinked, and he finally managed to close his mouth. Levi didn't release his jaw, or give the kid any space, just stared with everything he was.

"O-okay. Where? T-today?" His boss smiled, looking like a predator instead of a man, teeth sharp and shining and Eren found he wanted to be eaten.

"I mean in general. Be my boyfriend." Eren felt dizzy suddenly, was sure he had not heard him correctly.

"Wh.. what?" Levi was still grinning as he kissed Eren again, chaste, closemouthed. The kid let out a harsh breath when they parted.

"Be my boyfriend, Eren. Date me. Will you?" Eren finally came back to himself.

"That's.... that's my line, Levi. That's not fair. You cheated." His boss laughed at that, tracing his thumb over Eren's lips.

"So that's a yes?" Now Eren broke out in a smile, that smile that would tear down empires, and Levi felt his heart stutter in his chest.

"Fuck yes, it's a yes! You don't have to ask. You could've just told me we were together and I wouldn't've argued."

"No I couldn't, idiot. Let's go eat some fucking pancakes or something before I take you home to your scary sister."

Eren couldn't get any more words out around his ridiculous grin, so he just followed Levi into the kitchen like a puppy to help him make breakfast.

.....................................................................

 

After they had eaten a quite frankly disturbing amount of pancakes and fruit, which were fucking delicious even though he'd eaten the same thing the day before, Eren begrudgingly agreed to let Levi take him home. His boss argued that he could not possibly be comfortable in yesterday's dress pants no matter how much he wanted to hang around with Levi all day, and that he needed a shower because he 'smelled like a wine barrel'. Eren forgot his suit jacket and shirt in Levi's apartment, and his boss may or may not have neglected to remind him as they were leaving. He could always bring it to the kid's house later.... When they pulled up to Eren's home however, Levi got out of the car and walked around it, pausing where the brat was emerging. Once the kid had closed his door Levi shoved him against the vehicle, kissing him hard, though Eren still did not feel those perfect lips part. He'd been wanting to taste Levi's mouth for so long, and as he did so for the second time that day Eren did not know what to do. He wanted to drag Levi into his house and shove him down into his mattress, make out for hours like teenagers. Didn't have the courage to say so. They separated, the brunette looking a little shaky, and when Levi spoke Eren didn't know what to expect.

"Let me buy you new doors." It certainly wasn't that. He blinked down at his boss, looking confused.

"What? No!! What the hell, Levi?" Levi stepped onto the curb, gaining a few inches to glare down at brat.

"I could kick your door in without breaking a sweat. A fucking toddler could break into your house with a toy hammer. Breathe on the thing too hard and it would collapse, Eren. It's not safe. Let me replace your doors. My parents would be so happy to see me spend some of their money, they'd probably fucking cry." Eren moved away from the car, gesturing wildly with his hands.

"That shit's expensive, you can't just buy us doors, Levi! Who does that? And you couldn't kick it in, come on." _He could probably kick it in._ Levi's eyes shone, mind working.

"If I can kick your door open, can I replace them?" Eren's eyes went wide, realizing what he had done.

"Levi, you-"

"You said I can't kick it in. If your right, fine, no problem. If I can kick your damn door in with my tiny fucking legs, then you let me call a contractor out here and replace all your exterior doors." Eren was laughing. He knew Levi was only mocking himself to distract Eren from the issue at hand, but he couldn't suppress a giggle.

"Oh God, Levi. I can't let you spend that kind of money on my house. Doors are like, hundreds of dollars at least, right? And there's three of them. Plus it's a Sunday, you won't even be able to get anyone out here."

"You underestimate my parents and their ridiculous bank account. I can have all these doors replaced in three hours." Eren was wavering, and Levi could see it in his eyes. "If I sent my mom a picture of your place right now she would call me back in tears trying to buy you an entire house. Don't make me bring her into this."

"Levi-" Levi sighed in resignation.

"Fuck it. I'm kicking your damn door in and we can go from there." He was striding up Eren's driveway, moving faster than he had any right to, short as he was. "Call your buddies, make sure they're not about to eat a face full of shitty door particles, okay?"

"LEVI! Just WAIT!" Eren was running after him, pulling his barely charged phone out of his pocket and frantically dialing Armin. When the blonde answered, Eren stuttered out something that sort of resembled words. "A-Armin, you and Mikasa, errr, is she here? I mean, is she home? Are you home?"

"I'm home, she's not. Are you okay, Eren? You sound.... worried." Levi was on the porch now, eying the door as though it had personally wronged him.

"Where are you? Upstairs?" He lifted his foot up, pressing it just below the knob as though he was trying to find just the right spot to strike.

"Yeah, why?"

"Uhh.... stay there, for a minute. Don't... don't come down." 

Eren hung up the phone, cringing as Levi reared back his leg and kicked the door as hard as he could. A loud booming sound filled the air... and the door fell off its hinges and collapsed into the floor. As they had both known it would. The brunette was fairy sure that door had been around for the civil rights movement. Levi turned to Eren with the biggest smile he had ever seen the man wear as Armin ran down the stairs.

"What the hell?" The blonde was looking at the broken door with a terrified expression, glancing between Levi's triumphant face and Eren in confusion. "Did you just kick my fucking door in, Levi? What is your problem?"

"Your door was my problem. Don't worry, blondie, I'm gonna fix it." He looked at Eren, still smirking. "Who can't kick your door in, brat?" Eren was rolling his eyes as his boss pulled out his phone and started making calls.

"Eren, why did your boss break our door down? We can't afford to buy a new door! I guess we could go get one of those sheets of plywood out of the shed and nail it closed. But then we'll have to use the side door. Fuck Eren!" Armin was going into panic mode, looking around desperately as though a solution would present itself, and the brunette put a hand on his shoulder.

"Chill, it's okay. Levi's gonna have someone come replace it. Or, all of them, I think? I'm not totally positive, but we will have a door, I swear." They could hear Levi talking to someone, giving them directions to the house and instructions. Armin just stared at the door in his front hallway like he wanted to cry.

"All of them? Why is he replacing our doors? That's a thousand dollars worth of materials or some shit. I'm confused."

"Well, he said it looked like a toddler could break in our house and that he could kick it down without even trying, said he wanted to replace it for us. I told him he couldn't kick it down, and so... here we are."

"Why does he give a shit about our crappy house?" Eren had not heard Levi hang up the phone, but his boss stepped up beside him as he answered the blonde.

"I don't want some shady hobo knocking down your door to steal your.... I dunno, vintage furniture, or old man watches. Or molest you guys in your sleep or something. Somebody will be here in about thirty minutes to measure some shit, and your doors will be replaced in a couple of hours. Oh, and that boarded up window too." Eren spun on him, shoving at Levi's chest before he thought better of it.

"You didn't say anything about a window, Levi!" He just shrugged, totally shameless, looking at Eren like he was an idiot.

"It's a fire hazard. You could burn to death."

"Levi, goddamnit-"

"If you keep being difficult, I'll have new furniture sent over here too. I don't need to measure for that." He would fucking do it, Eren knew he would. He sighed and looked at Armin as though for help, but the blonde just threw his hands up in surrender.

"I don't see why you're arguing. If he wants to spend his own money on this trash heap, let him. That stupid fucking door would barely close. Wakes me up anytime someone opens it. Not like I'm going to be able to afford to replace it until Gramps's lawyers come through with my inheritance, and we're eating ramen and wishes for dinner every night as it is. I'm not going to complain." 

Armin disappeared into the kitchen as Levi picked up the broken door and carried it outside as though it weighed nothing. Eren stood on the porch staring at the empty hole where the front door had been, wondering how exactly this had escalated so quickly. He found himself wrapping his right hand over his left wrist instinctively, only to have Levi move in close behind him. He eased his arms around Eren's stomach, chin resting on the brunette's shoulder as he pried his palm free. After interlocking the fingers of their right hands together, he lifted up Eren's left wrist and brought it to his mouth. That blue gray stare held his while Levi pressed his lips against the scar there, and Eren felt the world start spinning backwards underneath him. Then Levi was talking quietly in his ear, voice too low to carry.

"You gotta stop that eventually, you know." Eren didn't know what he was going to say until it was already out of his mouth.

"Give me more than two hours, fuck. Can't break a habit I've had for years in a day, boss man. Not even for you." Levi laughed, but then he was looking into the house and going very still. Eren followed his gaze to see Armin standing there with a broom and dustpan, eyes wide.

"Oh my God. Eren." Eren turned back towards Levi, looking at him as though for an answer. His boss kissed his cheek before pulling away to stand next to him, shrugging, scratching at his hair absently. As though he hadn't just made Eren blush bright and hot under his friends stare.

"What are you looking at me for, go talk to your friend. I'm gonna call my parents real quick." Levi wandered a few yards away, pulling out his phone, and Eren walked inside. The blonde glanced at Levi again before grabbing Eren by the arm and dragging him into the kitchen. He talked in a comically loud whisper, words coming too fast.

"Eren holy shit, Levi just kissed you."

"I'm aware, Armin." His friend slapped his shoulder, making an irritated sound.

"Smart ass! You were gone all night and you come back here and Levi's all over you. Spill, you fuck!" Eren found himself smiling wide, and that just made Armin smile right back.

"I got way too drunk with his mother, and he took me home instead of bringing me here because I didn't want to face Mikasa. We didn't... _do_ anything, but I slept in his bed with him. And when I woke up this morning, I realized that he'd... fuck, he saw my wrists." 

"What did he say?" Armin knew how sensitive Eren was about people seeing his scars, even if he didn't really think Levi would judge him for such a thing.

"That... that I didn't have to talk about it, but that he wanted me to tell him when I was ready. We're... we're together, now."

"You are?" Eren just nodded. Then Armin screamed like only a best friend can and pulled Eren into a hug, jumping up and down. 

"HOLY SHIT EREN!" The brunette just smiled even bigger, letting Armin spin him in circles in his exuberance. But then the blonde was backing up like he'd been burned, and Eren saw Levi in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at his fridge accusingly.

"What's this you said about eating ramen and wishes?"

Eren groaned, rolling his eyes.

It was going to be a long day.


	10. Time And Time Again

After the contractors arrived Levi and Armin spent a few minutes talking to them, deciding what type of door the blonde wanted to replace the old ones with. Levi finally insisted Eren go take a shower, since the brat was hovering, nervous, stressing out about nothing and making Levi twitchy. After Eren begrudgingly went upstairs, Levi had given Armin a credit card and his keys, forcing the blonde to go grocery shopping. Without the kid's knowledge, of course. Now Levi was laying in Eren's bed waiting for him to return to his room, but after sitting on top of his blankets and trying _so damn hard_ to ignore the mess in the floor, he failed. So with a scowl on his face, mostly at himself for being so neurotic, he'd put all of Eren's dirty clothes in his laundry hamper, throwing a couple of empty water bottles in the trash can next to his bed, organizing the mess on his desk. If the broom had not been downstairs, Levi was pretty sure he would've swept, and only as he looked at the floor did he realize there was a hole in it. An honest-to-god hole, and when Levi leaned down and peered into it he could see past studs and insulation to the lower floor.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

It was going to take all of his willpower not to fix this entire house, one fucked up piece at a time. Or force Eren to just straight up move in with him. What if the brat fell through the damn wood? Levi felt like an idiot, staring at the floor like it was going to break as he watched. He forced himself to lay back in Eren's bed, kicking off his shoes and easing himself between the sheets. They smelled like Eren, woodsy and dark, and all the hours he'd lain awake thinking the night before began to catch up with him. After seeing those scars on his wrist, Levi began to realize just how wrong he had been going about things. He'd wanted Eren ever since he'd laid eyes on the kid, had fought it on principle, not willing to take advantage of his employee that way. Then the brat had asked him out, cocky and blushing at the same fucking time, a walking paradox. Levi's natural instinct was to not let his emotions show, keep them bottled up inside where they couldn't hurt him or anyone else. To hide the strength of what he felt, for everyone in his life, so no one could use it against him. It was subconscious, but Levi still worked as hard as he could to put up a mask.

Eren didn't need someone who couldn't express themselves. He'd been through enough, even if Levi wasn't exactly sure what it was, and this kid needed to know how Levi felt about him, how strongly he felt it, and right now. Levi's passive aggressive bullshit would just fuck Eren up, make the kid think he didn't care about him. So it didn't matter how much Levi second guessed his actions, or how wrong it felt to expose himself to someone so brazenly.

This brat would know he wanted him. Wouldn't have any doubts in his mind. Levi wouldn't leave room for them. 

He might not know Eren as well as he would like, but Levi never would if he did things the way he always had. When Eren returned to his room, Levi was almost asleep, and he turned to the door with half lidded eyes. The kid looked around, frowning, before taking in Levi curled up in his bed and blushing through his surprise.

"Did you clean my room?" Levi shoved his head back into the pillows, voice muffled when he answered.

"No. I picked up your room. I didn't have a broom or any cleaning shit, or I would have actually cleaned it. Now get over here. We're taking a fucking nap, I couldn't sleep for shit last night." Eren was about to throw his towels and dirty clothes into the floor when Levi sat up again, shooting him a withering look. The kid paused and headed towards his laundry basket instead, tossing everything inside with a sheepish expression. "Good brat." Levi collapsed back into the bedding with a sigh as Eren sat down on the edge of the mattress. 

"Sorry you didn't sleep well. It was because of me, right? You're not used to sleeping with someone." Levi cut his eyes at Eren before folding the blankets down and yanking the brat onto the bed. Eren turned over so he was facing his boss, and Levi looked down into his bright eyes for a long time before he answered.

"If it was because I was uncomfortable sleeping with you, would I want to take a nap with you in your bed?" Eren's features clouded, and he dropped his gaze before answering.

"I guess not. It's just weird that you're so affectionate, all of a sudden. It's not that I don't like it, because I'll be honest, I really fucking do. I just feel like... I don't know, you saw my scars and now you pity me or something." He glanced up again, meeting Levi's stare with determination lighting his features. Eren looked _fierce,_ in a way Levi had never seen before. "I'd rather have nothing from you than your pity, if that's all this is." Those beautiful eyes shied away from Levi's again, and he felt smoke filling his lungs, no air to breathe. "Then I feel stupid for feeling that way, since I want to be with you so much. Like I should be grateful for whatever I can get, even if it's just out of pity. Then I feel pathetic for thinking that, and-" Eren was rambling, all his insecurity flowing out from his mouth, and his boss couldn't stand to let him continue. Levi's fingers were on Eren's lips, silencing his words and drawing his gaze back up.

"You're not stupid, or pathetic. I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for you. I like you, Eren. I'm just... fuck, I'm usually really bad at this shit. I haven't dated anyone in years. I try to hide what I feel, but I just spent almost all of last night awake, thinking of you, and I realized that you deserve better than that. You shouldn't have to try and figure out what I'm thinking, how I feel about you, it should be obvious. So instead of fighting it like I have been all this time, when I want to touch you..." Levi brushed Eren's hair back out of his face. "I'm going to touch you. And when I want to kiss you..." The kid blushed again as Levi pressed their lips together, and heat spread through Levi's veins as he pulled back. "I'm going to kiss you." He smirked. "And if I want to take a nap in your bed because I stayed up for hours thinking about how much of an idiot I am, then we're going to take a fucking nap, goddamnit." Eren smiled, slow but wide, his whole face awash with joy.

"You've been wanting to touch me, Levi?" _All this time,_ he'd said, and it was true. Levi nodded, but then he grew serious as he stared at the brat.

"I don't feel sorry for you, Eren, but I do feel... worried about you. I know I said we didn't have to talk about it..." Eren his face in Levi's chest, and Levi let him do it, running his hands through that messy hair. Now that he could touch it he never wanted to stop, wanted to leave his fingers buried in it forever. It was soft, and warm somehow even damp from the shower. "But there are some things I want to ask you. If you don't want to answer, you don't have to, and if you don't even want me to ask, just say so, and I won't. We can wait, if you're not ready." Levi would wait as long as he had to, but then the kid responded, and he felt Eren's answer mumbled in his shirt more than he really heard it.

"Ask, I guess. You're going to sooner or later." One of his hands found Eren's wrist, tracing over the scar there, and Levi's mouth was pressed into those brown locks when he spoke again.

"When did this happen?" Not _'when did you do this'._ But when did it _happen._ Eren didn't know why it felt different in his mind, but it did. He was silent for so long that Levi thought he wasn't going to answer.

"When I was seventeen." Levi wanted to know why, but there were other things he wanted to know more, and he had a feeling if he asked for reasons Eren would shut down. Didn't want to hurt the kid any more than he already was by forcing Eren to relive something so painful that it literally made him want to die.

"And when were you going to jump off Stohess Financial's roof?" The kid tensed in his arms, clearly not expecting that, and his response came out unfiltered.

"Which time?" Eren cringed at his own words, and Levi let go of his wrist to snake his arm around the the brat, clinging tight. His voice was rough, shredded, full of gravel.

"How many times were there?" Eren stopped himself before he answered with a question, _'That building, or any roof in general?'_

"Three, I think." The silence stretched between them, vast and unbreakable. Levi cut through it with words made of glass.

"Most recently, then." Eren didn't know why he was responding, how he was pulling the answers out at all. He barely knew Levi. Yet still they swam past his lips, dark and irretrievable. He wanted to swallow them back down, bury them in his gut, dissolve them in the acid there.

"S-six months ago, or so." _Why._ Levi didn't say the word, and Eren didn't understand how he could hold it back. That's what everyone wanted to know, what everyone asked, without even considering how much the answer would hurt Eren when it came out. 

"Are those the only times?" Levi wasn't sure he wanted the answer, but he needed it. Needed to know. His hands were moving over Eren, his back, his shoulders, his neck, as though he could protect him from things that had already happened. Hold him together when he was already shattered, pieces glued back in the wrong places, edges sharp and uneven.

"I... ah, I jumped off of Sina bridge into the river. A year ago." His boss couldn't bite back his curse in time, and Eren flinched at the vehemence in his tone.

"Fuck, Eren. You're lucky to be alive." Doctors and nurses had told him that, over and over. He wasn't sure it was a good thing that he'd lived at the time. Now, wrapped up in Levi's arms, Eren could concede that maybe they'd been right. Maybe he'd been fortunate that those waters had not swallowed him whole. "So six months ago was the most recent time? I'm really sorry, I said you didn't have to talk about it and now I'm making a liar out of myself. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." Eren wanted to tell him, and he didn't know why. Levi would run screaming from him once he found out how thoroughly fucked Eren was even now. Not a shadowed history, but darkness coiling inside him even now, telling him about all the worst parts of himself. His past. His life. A creeping part of Eren's mind whispered, _'Get it over with. Sooner rather than later.'_ At least this way he wouldn't have time to get used to those soft touches, those warm lips, those beautiful eyes staring at him like he was something special.

"No. It was less than six months ago. I was going to take a bunch of pills. I didn't, though." As though that mattered. To Eren, telling Levi all this felt like recounting his failures, his weaknesses, his utter and complete brokenness. Everything that was wrong with him, spinning between them. He'd barely even touched Levi, hadn't tasted his mouth, hadn't even been with him for an entire day. Now he was throwing it away with a handful of words, and Eren wasn't sure why. Why would he speak when he could be silent? Why would he destroy what he wanted so badly?

"When, Eren?" Surely it hadn't been less than four months ago. The brat had been working at the bookstore since then, and even if he was sometimes quiet and withdrawn, he certainly hadn't been suicidal, right? Levi would've noticed, would've seen that he was depressed, suffering. Would've caught the shadows in those bright green eyes. Eren didn't want to answer, but that voice was there again, saying, _'Fuck it. It will hurt more later. Do it now. Let him go.'_ He whispered it so low that he wondered if Levi would even hear.

"A little over a week ago." Levi's arms went impossibly tight around Eren. Everything inside him was twisting and full of panic at the brat's words. His mind was screaming, _No. No way._ This cocky little shit had been asking him on a date a week ago, all bright smiles and pink cheeks. He couldn't have been sitting somewhere with a hand full of pills, ready to swallow himself into oblivion.

" _Eren._ A week ago?" The kid just nodded, and Levi felt his eyes stinging, hot tears coursing down his cheeks. _So close._ So fucking close to losing this brat forever, not even realizing how badly he'd wanted him. Needed him. All Levi could picture was Eren, standing on the edge of a rooftop. Eren on the side of Sina bridge, sailing over the edge into black waters. Eren with a blade to his wrist. Eren with a fist full of pills. Levi could not even imagine the kind of pain that would drive this beautiful boy to seek out death, over and over again. He was shuddering, and he tried to fight the ragged edge out of his voice when he spoke. "No, Eren." Levi wanted to beg him, plead with him. _'You can't do that, don't leave me, please Eren.'_ Held the words back. Whispered something else instead. "Stay with me, okay? I want you here. Need you here. I just got you. If you're thinking about something like that, or even if you're just sad or feeling overwhelmed, I want you to tell me. Text me. Call me. I don't care when it is, the middle of the night, while you're working, anytime. Fuck, I don't care about the shop, I can just send four eyes in my place. Bitch doesn't work enough as it is." Eren laughed, a throaty sound, and even if it was a little forced Levi was grateful to hear it.

"Okay, Levi." Levi was clinging Eren like his life depended on it, legs tangling. He pulled the brat's face up to meet his gaze, and Eren's breath caught when he saw Levi was crying.

"Promise me." Eren reached up, wiping those tears away from Levi's cheeks, just as Armin and Mikasa had done to his a thousand times. It was a foreign thing, pain so potent on someone else's face and not his own. 

"I promise." 

He'd made that promise before and broken it. Again and again. It was worthless coming from his lips, and yet Levi was looking at him like it meant something, and everything inside Eren shifted. He wanted those words to be true. Wanted them to be worth something. Levi pressed his lips into Eren's, and when his tongue sought entrance, he was glad to open them wide. Levi licked his way into that hot mouth, and Eren moaned into the kiss, hands coming up to fist in Levi's hair, hips thrusting unconsciously forward. Their bodies slotted together, lips slick and sliding, and it felt like an eternity before they pulled back. Eren's mouth was still slightly opened, both of them panting, hearts racing in their chests. The kid made a desperate sound and leaned back in, crushing their mouths together again, tasting, sucking at Levi's tongue, biting his lips. He needed to feel this, needed to feel that hot ache swimming through him. Something strong and overwhelming that was not despair. Something red, and warm, and welcome. Only when he needed air did Eren withdraw, Levi chasing after his lips unconsciously. He realized that he had been leaning forward, trying to keep their mouths together, and they both smiled. Levi wanted to climb on top of this kid, tear his clothes off, pull beautiful sounds out of Eren that would haunt Levi's dreams. Now was not the time. There were ghosts of pain between them, dark words still lingering in the air, and he could wait until they were nothing but memories. So Levi tucked the brat's head into his chest, nestling down into the blankets, closing his eyes.

"I really am tired. Let's sleep for awhile. Your bed is really comfortable now that you're in it."

Eren didn't respond, didn't even nod, just let his boss hold him close. His boss. _His boyfriend._ The word sounded strange even in Eren's mind. He lifted his hand up to touch his own mouth, wondering if any of it was real. When he felt Levi kiss his hair again he closed his eyes and decided he didn't care.

If it was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

............................................................

Mikasa's coworker dropped her off, and for a few moments she just stared at the house confused. _What the fuck?_ Levi's car was in her driveway, but after Eren had stayed out with him the night before, that wasn't what surprised her. Someone had fixed their shattered window, replaced their shitty front door, and she was so used to their broken down place that looked around, as though she'd come to the wrong address. She turned the unfamiliar knob and found Armin in the kitchen, putting a mountain of groceries away. Mikasa's brow furrowed. There was no way they could afford that much food at once, especially since they'd already spent their paychecks on bills.

"Did your inheritance come in, Armin?" The blonde looked up, only now noticing she was here.

"Oh, wow. I didn't hear the door so I didn't know you were here. Holy shit. That's awesome." He blinked, her previous words now processing. "Oh, no. It didn't. Levi said our doors were pieces of shit, and he replaced them. It's kind of been a weird morning." Mikasa was scowling at that, glaring at the door like it had done something wrong.

"And you and Eren just let him replace our doors? Are we some fucking charity case for him now?" Armin just shrugged, looking at all the food with an excited expression, already thinking of all the stuff he could cook now.

"Well, he kicked it down. He kinda had to fix it after that." Her eyes went wide, and she was looking around the living room, glancing up the stairs. Wondering where Levi was, Armin knew without asking.

"Oh, he fucking didn't." Mikasa was up the stairs then, making a beeline for Eren's room with Armin hot on her heels.

"Mikasa, WAIT!" He spoke in a loud whisper, snatching at her arm. "Mikasa!" She was in Eren's doorway, frozen at the sight of Levi and her brother curled around each other, sleeping in his bed. _Well, shit._ She knew that this was what Eren had wanted, that she should be happy for him, but she couldn't manage to find it through her anger. Even the surprise wasn't enough to deter her completely, and after the initial shock wore off she took a step forward, only to have Armin hold her back. She spun on him, eyes furious, hands gesturing wildly between them. 

"He kicked our fucking door down, Armin. Now he's sleeping in my brother's bed like it's no big deal!" Mikasa was whispering automatically in response, irritated with herself for doing so.

"Shhhh, it's fine, get downstairs and-"

"Armin-"

"Look. Look at his wrist."

She looked back in the room to see Eren's left arm wrapped around Levi, not a bracelet in sight. _Oh, fuck._ She could not even remember the last time she had seen him without them, besides when he was getting ready for his date with Levi. Eren didn't even leave the bathroom after showering without putting them back on. Mikasa looked at Armin in disbelief, and all her anger fell away, disappearing into nothingness. She headed back down the stairs with Armin, mind whirling. God, she really didn't like Eren's boss for some reason, didn't think he deserved her brothers affection, didn't even know why. Still she was smiling when she got into the kitchen. Mikasa would let them sleep.

She could rip Levi open when they got up.


	11. Family

Eren woke up for the second time that day with Levi's arms around him and decided that it was infinitely better than doing so alone. Levi was already awake, playing with his hair, tracing his fingers over the skin of Eren's throat. It was relaxing, until he realized that his boss was running his fingers across the scar on his neck in the process. Eren didn't even know if Levi was aware it was there, it was small and fairly smooth, barely noticeable. To everyone else, anyway. To Eren, it was painfully obvious, so he covered it with jewelry just like his wrists, hid it away so no one would see. It wasn't like the scars on his wrist, wasn't obvious that it came from some dark and traumatic part of his past, but he was still fighting a cringe at the feel of Levi's fingers dancing so close to the old wound. Levi was touching a lot of his old wounds, glancing across them with good intentions, wanting to heal them.

But when things were healing, they _ached._

Eren tilted his head up to look at Levi, who was smiling down at him even before he caught him staring. His boss smiled wider and leaned down to bring his lips to Eren's, soft and sweet, before he pressed his fingers against the scar on his neck, tilted his head, asking with his eyes. Then he voiced it out loud.

"What happened here?" Levi sounded innocently curious, not even thinking that there could be any unsavory cause for the mark on his skin. It looked deceptively innocuous. 

"I ah... I got cut there when I was little." Levi moved closer to Eren, kissing the scar before he pulled back.

"How little? You playing with knives, Eren?" Eren shuddered, wrenched his eyes closed for the briefest of moments. Fought down shadows and ghosts.

"I was ten." 

He didn't want to do this, didn't want to talk about it, didn't want those memories playing through his head. Eren had talked enough about his past today, and there was no reason to wallow in it when the present was _so good_ right now. He sat up, and before Levi had a chance to react he threw his leg over the man, straddling his boss beneath him. Eren felt his cheeks blushing even as he did it, but his hands weren't shaking when he took Levi's face in his hands and pulled it up to his own, taking his mouth with a quiet moan. Levi's arms wrapped around his waist, and Eren tilted his head to deepen their kiss, tongues sliding together. He hadn't meant to start groping his boss, but before he knew what he was doing Eren's hand was sliding under the hem of Levi's shirt, fingers running over the muscles of his stomach greedily as they flexed automatically under his touch. He felt his boss groan into his mouth, and suddenly he was on his back in the sheets, and Levi's mouth was on his throat, licking and sucking at the tender flesh there. _This.... fuck, this is good, too._ Eren's hand fisted in Levi's hair, his other one trailing under that tight shirt again, over the skin of his back this time. He wanted to feel Levi's heat, was greedy for it, desperate in a strange new way. Eren's cock was embarrassingly hard in his jeans, getting far too eager for just those brief touches of Levi's mouth. Or so he thought, until Levi's brushed against him through his clothes, just as swollen and engorged as his own. Eren whimpered, wishing he could take back the noise even as Levi was chuckling into his skin. He pulled back, hands trailing down Eren's arms until they found his and pinned them over his head with a smirk. Arousal shot through him, sharp and full of want at the sight of those steely eyes looking down at him. Like he was prey, hunted and captured and ready to eat.

"You started it, brat." He had, indeed started it. Would finish it, if he had to. Wanted to finish it. Needed to. But as Levi leaned down, someone cleared their throat loudly from the hallway, and only then did Eren realize his door was still wide open. He literally whined out loud as Levi climbed off of him, letting Eren sit up to see Armin standing there blushing.

"Uhhh, I made some lunch. Just sandwiches and shit. If you guys are hungry. You know, for food." The blonde stood there awkwardly, scratching at his head. Eren rolled his eyes at his friend's embarrassment.

"Sure. We'll be down there in a second."

"All right. Er, Mikasa is home."

"Okay." Eren paused, waiting for Armin to take a few steps before he shouted after him. "Cockblock." His friends voice called back from the stairway, full of amusement.

"Exhibitionist." Eren smiled, more entertained than he should be, only to catch Levi's expression when he glanced over. Hot, and hungry. Predatory.

"We can go eat lunch with your family, but we're going to finish what you started here eventually." Eren wanted to ask when 'eventually' was. Wanted it to be _now._ Knew it was too soon, really. Stuttered out an awkward response, cheeks flushed, hands intertwining in his lap.

"Ah, o-okay. S-sure." Fuck, he'd pretty much _mounted_ the guy, and now he was all pink cheeked and nervous. Eren was hopeless.

"God, you're fucking adorable." Eren wanted to deny it, tell him not to say shit like that, but the look on Levi's face held him back. If his boss wanted to call him adorable, he could. _Call me anything you want._ "Let's go eat before your sister comes and drags us down there." Eren stood up, running his hands through his hair absently. Levi wasn't sure if he was trying to smooth it or mess it up, but the effect was the same either way, which meant there was no effect at all, locks still sticking up in every direction. 

"I don't know how the fuck he made sandwiches if we don't have any lunch meat." They were walking towards Eren's door, heading to the stairs.

"Oh, I made your buddy go buy groceries. He didn't want to spend my money, but he's easier to convince than you. Told him if he used my credit card that however much money he spent on food, I would donate that much to the local food pantry." Eren shot a vicious glare at Levi.

"That's playing dirty." Levi didn't know just how dirty it was, in fact. All three of them had stood in the line at that place at one point or another, waiting for a bag full of rice and peanut butter and other essentials. Too hungry to be embarrassed anymore. Eren wanted to be mad at Armin for letting Levi manipulate him so easily, but he knew he would've done the same thing. Levi just shrugged, totally shameless as always.

"I said orphans at first, but he wasn't convinced. Food pantry got him quick, though. He couldn't take my card and keys fast enough." Eren stopped suddenly halfway down the stairs, causing Levi to run into him as he turned to face the man.

"You... you let Armin drive your car?" Levi looked confused.

"He said he had a license, acted like it was no big deal. Does he not?"

"He does. But Armin is a terrible driver. Have you looked at your car since he got back? Is it.... in one piece? Not on fire?" Levi just shrugged again, smirking.

"As long as he's okay, it doesn't matter. My mom would be so happy if I asked her to buy me a new car. Shit, he can have that one if he wants."

"NO, Levi."

"I'm just saying-"

"NO, LEVI." He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender as they finished making their way down the stairs.

"Okay, okay. Fine."

They entered the kitchen to find Mikasa and Armin sitting at the table there, two plates set out for Eren and Levi. Eren found himself wondering if Armin had put meat on his boss' sandwiches, only to look and realize that he had not. He should've known better. Eren had made food for their picnic and mentioned Levi's eating habits, and Armin's brain was a fucking vault. Tell him something one time, and he would be reminding you about it later when you forgot. Mikasa shot a glare at Levi as he and Eren sat down next to each other.

"I want to be mad at you for being such a presumptuous asshole, but Armin told me to leave it alone." Armin was sighing, shoving at her shoulder.

"That's not leaving it alone, Mikasa!" She just shrugged, and Levi wanted to shake her and Eren both. _Always fucking shrugging...._ Levi glanced over at the blonde, who was rolling his eyes.

"So, Eren says you can't drive for shit, blondie. That true?" Armin's mouth dropped open, and he looked at Eren with a staggeringly furious expression.

"I CAN DRIVE JUST FINE!" Eren was smiling, swallowing a bite of food before he spoke.

"You ran over your own mailbox."

"That was one time!" Mikasa replied this time, a wry grin on her face.

"You backed up over a trash can and broke your grandfather's muffler."

"That wasn't-" Eren interrupted him.

"You hit a parked car. Four different times." Even Levi was cringing now, looking at Armin with a sympathetic expression.

"You guys are jerks. I was _learning,_ okay?" 

"Is Levi's car intact? Is it burning? Did you manage to submerge it in acid, somehow?" Armin threw a piece of lettuce at Eren, who dodged it before it smacked him in the face.

"I'm never making food for you guys again." Mikasa ruffled the blonde's hair, grinning at him.

"That's a lie." He just sighed, totally defeated.

"You're right. It's a lie. But I'm still offended."

They ate their food, teasing Armin intermittently, Mikasa giving Levi as much shit as the blonde would let her get away with. It was strangely comfortable, the four of them eating. Eren would have thought it would be a little awkward to spend time with Levi and his sister and Armin, but there was something soothing about it. Everyone who mattered to him in the same place, spending time together, with only a minimum of snark and attitude from Levi and his sister. When they were done eating Armin and Mikasa were packing up their stuff, getting ready to head to their friends house to work on something for school. Eren was in the kitchen washing up the dishes they had used, and Mikasa stopped Levi before he went back in there after a trip to the bathroom.

"I need to talk to you." Levi managed not to roll his eyes, but he swore they literally hurt from the effort it took.

"I'm sure you do. Can we get this all out of the way now, or are you going to be tossing poorly veiled threats at me the rest of my life?" Mikasa's brows furrowed, and it was only after she replied that Levi realized what he had said.

"Am I going to be dealing with you for the rest of your life? Fuck, I hope not." Had he really said the rest of his life? Levi shook his head, eager to get away from this angry tiger of a girl ready to pounce on him. "I don't know what Eren has told you about his past, but Armin says you're together now. Eren is not fragile, or weak, but he's been through a lot. A lot more than someone his age should have to deal with. So he doesn't need you adding to it with any of your bullshit, okay? For some fucking reason, he likes you, and you make him happy. That's all that matters to me. As long as you treat him right, and make him smile, I will try not to fuck with you any more than necessary. But if you hurt him, or upset him, or treat him badly, I will not hesitate to fucking eviscerate you. Do you understand?" And Levi... Levi couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad Eren has someone like you. It makes me feel a little better, knowing he had you all this time ready to tear someone apart at the drop of a hat." Mikasa looked confused, but then Levi took a step forward, getting in her face, closer than was necessary, eyes glinting. "But he has me now, too. And if it's you who is upsetting him by trying to run his life, or thinking you know better than he does what he wants or needs, I will not hesitate to fucking tear you apart, either. Do we understand _each other?_ " Armin walked in at that exact moment, making the two pull back from each other, tension so thick in the air you could taste it. The blonde glared at them, shoving Mikasa towards the door.

"You two need to fucking stop it already. Eren cares about both of you, he shouldn't have to deal with you sniping at each other all the time." Levi crossed his arms, smiling.

"I think we can get along just fine." Then Mikasa smirked back at him, two predators in the night eying one another, both mindful of the others teeth and claws. A mutual respect. It felt like a truce, somehow.

"Maybe so. We'll have to wait and see."

Then they were gone, and Eren came into the room drying his hands on a towel, totally oblivious. 

........................................................................

Levi and Eren lazed around his house for the rest of the day, watching anime dvds on his laptop and making out like teenagers periodically. They tangled up together over and over, arms clinging to each other, mouths hungry, hands seeking. As much as Eren wanted to tear off Levi's shirt, taste the pale skin underneath it, he held himself back. They had only just gotten together, and part of him wanted to savor it. Levi's mouth, and his touch, that were now his for the taking. Eren could lean over and press their lips together, could feel those strong hands fisting in his hair, running down his back, clinging to his clothes. Could breathe in Levi's scent, thread his fingers through that raven hair.

It felt like he had the whole world. Like he was seeing the stars for the first time after an eternity of empty, clouded skies.

Just before the sun went down, Levi realized he should probably go home, and he found himself worrying, panicking internally. He did not want to leave Eren alone, wanted to stay with him in this broken down house. Wanted to keep him safe from himself. Finally he steeled himself, sitting up on the edge of Eren's bed and reaching out to stroke the brat's hair.

"I don't really want to, but I guess I should go. We both open the store tomorrow, and I need to shower and do some payroll shit at my house before morning." Eren threw his arms around Levi's waist with a sigh, head falling into his lap.

"Okay. I guess." Still, the kid didn't move. Clung tighter to his boss. Rubbed his face against Levi's stomach.

"My bed's going to be empty without you taking all the blankets and kneeing me in the shins." Eren laughed, finally releasing his hold and sitting up.

"Just let me know when you want me to take your covers and kick you. I'll be happy to oblige. Here, I'll walk you out so I can lock the door." Levi reached into his pocket, pulling out a set of shining, new keys.

"Did you think I would replace your doors and not take a key to your house?" Eren furrowed his brows in confusion.

"You're keeping keys to my doors?"

"I'm a creeper. Maybe I want to watch you sleep. Molest you." The brat smiled, biting his lip as his cheeks turned that beautiful fucking pink they always did.

"You can't molest the willing." Levi's eyes lit up, bright and mischievous.

"Oh, I don't know. I bet I could."

Still, Eren walked Levi to the door, gave him one last lingering kiss. Kissed until they were both breathless, leaning into each other as they stood in the doorway. Told each other goodnight before Levi walked to his car, promising to text. Levi didn't go home, though. Instead he went to Erwin's office, surprising the blonde by asking for a keycard to the rooftop. He seemed confused, but Levi just told him he was looking for something. Erwin probably assumed it was something he had lost on his date with Eren.

What Levi was looking for was nothing so tangible.

He sat on the edge of the rooftop, feet dangling down over the sides. The sun was setting now, lighting up downtown Stohess, and it was just as beautiful as ever. Orange and red and pink, playing out over the sky, more bright and vivid than any painting or picture could ever capture. Levi could imagine exactly how it had looked reflected in Eren's eyes even now. He gazed down between his feet at the ground below, so far away that he couldn't pick out more than vague shapes. Levi pictured Eren up here, alone with the sunset spinning in his gaze, and he felt his heart aching in his chest. He'd wanted that boy for his own from the first time he saw him, wanted those bright eyes to look only at him. Hadn't even dreamed of the darkness swimming in their depths. Levi felt guilty, thinking about how he was pulling these shadows from Eren's past while keeping his own buried inside. When he went back down to give Erwin back his key, the blonde would probably ask him if he found what he was searching for up there.

Levi wasn't sure, but he was going to keep looking.


	12. Past Not Passed

Levi would know this place anywhere, room full of shadows, the scent of whiskey in the air. He had seen it on all his darkest nights, woken from it with a heart full of dread time and time again. It was his dream, one he'd had a hundred times, and yet it was not. Levi was not the one tearful and ragged and hopeless. His wrists were not being pinned down, no dark figure loomed above him. Instead he was poised over the form of a boy on a bed. Pinning _his_ wrists down. His hair was fanned out on the pillow, and even as he was destroying the kid he wanted to touch those locks. Levi could hear his pained sobs, the sound making his chest ache like nothing ever had before, and he could see light glinting off the kids cheeks even though he could not make out his face.

"Please, no, stop." 

The voice of a victim, harsh and desperate, but not his own. A voice he recognized, wanted to soothe, wanted to ease. Did not want to be the cause of it sounding so desperate. Something wasn't right. Wasn't Levi the victim here? Now he could taste the whiskey in his mouth instead of just smelling it, could feel the boy struggling underneath him trying to break free, but he could not release him. Could not let him go, even though he wanted to. Didn't want to hurt him. He heard the kid crying louder now, shaking with it, lost in his tears. But Levi couldn't stop himself, was watching through his own eyes as a stranger controlled his body, taking this boy against his will. Had no power to stop, but he could _feel_ it, could feel himself sliding in and out of this tearful miserable kid, and he wanted to be sick. But it was his own voice when he laughed, his own voice when he spoke, tone mocking and sardonic.

"Such a pretty sound, Eren. I love it when you cry." _Eren?_ Now he could see Eren's face, illuminated in the dim light, full of pain. Bright green eyes shining with tears, brows furrowed in disbelief, jaw quivering with sorrow and pain. Even without words, those eyes asked _why._ Ragged noises came from Eren's chest, and Levi could feel the boy's hands trembling in his own harsh grip. Broken.

Eren looked broken.

 

Levi sat up screaming, and he barely made it to the bathroom before he was throwing up, stomach ejecting bile viciously. The dream came back to him, those phantom sensations feeling so real. He gagged over and over, eventually just dry heaving into the toilet, stomach contracting around its own emptiness, not even acid to expel. He needed to shower, needed to scrub the memory of it off his skin, but no water would ever be hot enough to make him clean again. Levi shook viciously, and when he lifted quaking hands up to push the sweaty hair out of his eyes he realized he was crying. He sat back, leaning against his bathtub as he was wracked with sobs. _It wasn't real, it wasn't real, Eren's fine. You didn't hurt him, not like that, he's at home, he's okay._ No matter how many times he told himself that, he couldn't calm down. Not even right after it had happened had his dream affected him this way. Now that it was Eren being held down, forced, _broken,_ Levi could not slow his breathing, could not ease his heart, could not quell his shakes. Before he could stop himself he was stumbling to his bed, snatching his phone off the table with hands that would not cooperate. Still he unlocked the screen and found Eren's number, panic rolling through him in unmerciful waves. He'd never had anxiety attacks, everyone dealt with trauma differently, but he knew instinctively with some passive part of his mind that this must be what the brat felt like, and his heart broke for his perfect little lover. No one should have to suffer through this, let alone over and over again. Fresh affection washed through him underneath his stark fear and the clenching in his gut. Only when Eren's sleepy voice sounded through his speaker and relief filled him did Levi realize he'd just woken him up in blind terror, all because of a _bad dream._ Levi had never felt so stupid in his entire life.

"Levi? Hello?" Levi just breathed in and out, trying to quiet the pathetic sounds he was making. Couldn't speak. Wanted to shrink down into nothingness and disappear. _Shame._ He was so ashamed. "Levi?" He finally managed to force air through his lungs, but his voice was ragged and tearful, a desperate whisper. When he said Eren's name, it cracked, and Levi cringed at the sound.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Eren. Go back to sleep. It's fine." He heard a rustling noise, the brat sitting up in bed most likely.

"Oh my God, Levi, what's wrong?" _Me. I'm wrong. Everything's wrong._

"Nothing. I didn't mean to bother you. I wasn't thinking. I... I'll see you at work, Eren." The kid might be many kinds of strange, but he was not stupid, or deaf. Could hear just how wrecked Levi was.

"Levi, it's not nothing. What happened?" _I hurt you. I **will** hurt you. _

"I'm sorry, it's fine. Sleep. It's early. Goodbye, Eren."

Levi hung up, feeling like an asshole as he silenced his phone. It lit up immediately as Eren called him back, vibrations running through Levi's hands again and again until it fell still. Lit up again. Five times before the kid gave up, and with each one Levi felt a dagger in his chest driven deeper and deeper. _Fuck, Levi._ He could run from this right now, but he still had to go to work and face his boyfriend. Had to explain what the fuck his problem was, calling Eren at the crack of dawn crying like a child and then hanging up. Refusing to answer like some pissy high school kid. Levi wasn't ready to go into his bullshit with the brat right now, but a voice in his head was asking if he ever would be. He rinsed his mouth out and brushed his teeth, wishing he could clean out the filth inside him as easily as he could the outside.

He knew what brought on the dream was the time he'd spent with Eren the day before, and the.... _physical_ aspects of it. When he'd first decided to ask Eren to date him, he'd wondered if he would even be able to touch the brat, let the brat touch him without shadows creeping out of his past and choking him. Suffocating him, rendering him speechless and immobile. Turned out he could put his hands on Eren, could let him do the same, that it was easy. Too easy. Too good. Once he'd realized that he could feel those warm hands on him, touch that tanned skin, it was all he wanted to do. But then Eren had straddled his hips, he'd suddenly felt dizzy, out of control. It was too much like his fucking dream, his nightmare that was not something he pulled from dark imaginings but from a dark memory. Without thinking he'd flipped Eren over, pinned his wrists above his head. Made him _helpless,_ just as Levi had been helpless. The moment he'd realized what he'd done, Levi had been about to throw himself off the kid, nausea rising in his gut as an apology swelled up in his mouth. _So, so sorry. Never again._ Then Armin had interrupted, and he'd wanted to hug the blonde for it. He'd climbed off of Eren, played it off as though nothing had happened when really he was spinning inside.

The rest of the day Levi had been very careful to let Eren initiate anything physical between them, waited for the brat to ease those perfect lips into his. To bury his hands in raven strands, to reach out a touch Levi's face. Made Eren come to him, terrified of crossing some invisible line that the kid did not even know existed. Dancing in hesitant circles, frightened of himself. Then when he left, Levi had refused to acknowledge to himself that anything had happened, even in his own mind. Forced his thoughts to Eren, what he'd learned about him, how he'd suffered. All the pain the brat had been through, so obviously worse than his own. Levi had spent years getting over what had been done to him, gone to therapy, kept a journal. Jumped through hoops for doctor after doctor, until his mother was finally satisfied that Levi had moved on, was better, as much as he ever could be. What was in the past was over and done with, and he would not let it dictate his actions, would not allow it to influence his life. Would not let it taint the beautiful, perfect things that were growing between them.

He _wouldn't._

Levi was wiping fresh tears from his eyes, realizing he'd been sitting there bawling like an fucking idiot for at least fifteen minutes, when there was a loud knock at his door. Not a _knock, knock, knock,_ wait for an answer kind of thing, but a constant pounding. Stilted husbands knocked this way. Hostile police officers. Drunk ex-girlfriends. He stood up, heading for the door automatically with a confused look on his face when a voice sounded out and he froze, hand on the deadbolt, eye halfway to the peephole.

"LEVI! Open up!" Eren. Eren was at his door before the sun had fully risen. How had he even gotten there so fast without a car? Levi unlocked the door and opened it, knowing there was no way to hide the fact that he had been crying. His eyes were red and swollen, and Eren had heard it in his voice on the phone anyway. No amount of washing his face was going to erase that. When Eren saw him his gaze went wide, and he was waving dismissively at Levi's driveway. The kid was dressed haphazardly in a wrinkled shirt and the jeans he'd worn yesterday, hair even crazier than usual and part of Levi wanted to laugh. A car drove slowly away, and Levi saw a blonde head in the passenger seat eying him warily as the vehicle vanished into the morning gloom. 

The brat was throwing his arms around Levi before he could blink, shoving him inside with the force of the embrace and slamming the door behind them. Levi tensed for a moment before melting into Eren's embrace, burying his face in the kid's chest and cursing the fact that he was the perfect height to do so. _Stupid tall bastard._

"Levi, what's wrong? Are you okay?" _No. I'm stupid._ But he was nodding, tugging them over to his couch without releasing the kid, bringing them both down to sit on it.

"I'm fine. I'm an idiot. How did you even get here?" Eren was running his fingers through Levi's hair, trying to pull his face back so he could look at it, but the raven haired man wouldn't let him.

"Armin's coworker was giving him a ride this morning when you called me. Who fucking cares how I got here? Jesus, Levi, talk to me. You'd want me to talk to you, tell you what's wrong, right? I'd tell you. Let me help you like you help me. Trust me, too." Trust him? Levi barely knew him other than as an employee. They'd been together exactly one day, been dating for just over a week. There was no way he could trust Eren with the fucked up things that had happened to him. _But he trusted you._ Words were pouring out of Levi unbidden, and he knew he would regret it as soon as they were in the air between them.

"I had a dream. Shit, I'm acting like a damn kid here, I'm fucking embarrassed." Levi sniffed, pulling his arms into his chest as Eren's tightened around him. 

"I wake up crying from dreams all the time, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. A dream about what? Do you want to tell me?" Eren's boss took a shuddering breath, shaking his head.

"No. Fuck, no. I don't want to tell you." Levi didn't want to, but he _needed_ to. If he was going to deserve to be with this kid who was too perfect for his own good, spilling out all of his secrets for someone as unworthy as Levi, the least he could do was return that trust. And if he ever wanted to touch the brat again, ever wanted to try and tear those clothes off and watch those perfect cheeks flush, Eren needed to know. Needed to be aware that Levi might freak at any moment. The words tasted like metal, like blood. Coppery and sharp. Staining. "Something fucked up happened to me. I have dreams about it sometimes, dreams that it's happening again. But this time, it was different. This time I was doing it to you instead." Eren went deathly still, and the steady sounds of his breathing in Levi's ear went silent.

"Doing what to me, Levi." It was not a question, but it was. Levi didn't want to answer, wasn't sure he could. Needed to. For both of them.

" _Forcing_ you. And you were crying, and begging me to stop, and I wanted to but I couldn't control my body and I woke up and I couldn't stop puking and all I could see was your face, crying and pleading and I had to talk to you, had to make sure you were okay, and-" Levi's voice broke and he curled into himself, hating himself more than he ever had in his entire life. For being so weak. For being so helpless. For breaking in front of this perfect boy he was supposed to help. Falling apart, when he wanted to keep Eren together. If he could not do it for himself, how was he ever supposed to be there for Eren? Levi was not strong enough to stand on his own. Why would Eren want to stand beside him? Then the brat was talking, voice dark in a way that Levi had never heard before. It promised pain and anguish and suffering to whoever it was that had hurt Levi, and his insides twisted at the sound.

"When did this happen? Where? Who fucking-" Levi cut him off, face still hidden in Eren's chest, the exact reverse of their positions the previous day. Eren's arms around him strong and steady while he wiped pitiful fucking tears from his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it. Not right now. Fuck Eren, this is hard enough. But if we're going to be... _together,_ you need to know. I don't want to fuck it up for us just because I was too ashamed to tell you." Eren took a deep breath, and Levi knew he was forcing words back into his throat, a thousand questions he wanted to ask. He edged his hands down to Levi's face and tugged on it, and his boss finally eased back and met his eyes.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Levi. You don't have to tell me anything for me to know that it was not your fault." He leaned in to press a chaste kiss to Levi's lips, and that warmth shot through them spread throughout Levi's body. Heating places that had been cold and empty for an eternity. "I want to be here for you, too. And I'm sorry if I did anything to... to pressure you, or push you, or-" 

"No. Eren, no I... I want you, I do. But yesterday, I started to get all fucking weird and I... I _pinned your hands,_ Eren, I'm so sorry. I... fuck I held you down like some fucking monster." Eren brushed raven locks out of Levi's eyes, shaking his head, holding his boss' face with steady hands.

"Levi, I did not mind."

"Listen, Eren, if I do anything you don't want me to, or if you ever want me to stop, you need to tell me, you need to-" Eren cut him off with a another kiss.

"There is nothing you can do to me that I do not want." He paused and smiled. "I mean, unless you're into some weird kinky shit I need to know about. I'm not sure I'm down with like, animal costumes or whips or something." Levi laughed, harder than was called for, but he couldn't help it. He'd told Eren the absolute worst thing about him, and the kid had not even blinked. He'd held Eren down, as he had once been held down, and the brat did not mind, was not mad. Levi did not deserve Eren, and instead of pushing him away, he was pulling him close. Did not care that he was not worthy. Was keeping this boy anyway. Fuck what he deserved, or what he had earned, he was taking Eren for his own so long as the kid would have him.

"No. No whips, no animal costumes." Levi felt dark shards falling away inside him, black twisted pieces of himself melting and vanishing into nothingness. He smiled, that wry smirk finding its way back to his face. "But if you wanted to wear a dress for me, I wouldn't be entirely opposed. Schoolgirl skirt, maybe? I could probably be into that." Eren slapped at his shoulder before hugging Levi close again. Then he was smiling, too.

"Maybe one day. You'd have to earn it." 

Levi let the silence envelop them, did not fight it or try to fill it with words. Wanted it to roll over them, replace all the shadows he had dredged up with the calm of Eren's presence. Wanted to wallow in this moment, this total acceptance, this unabashed honesty. After awhile he looked up at the brat, eyes sore from crying like an idiot, only to find Eren gazing down at him. If it was not love in his eyes, then Levi was not sure what it could be. Looked like it. Felt like it. Was too soon for it, but it was there all the same. Neither one said it aloud, let it soak into them instead. They did not have to acknowledge that it was there to allow it smooth their rough edges, dull the sharp ache of their pasts. Just had to be still and silent as it wore them down, erasing all the broken parts of themselves so that they could fit together. Finally Levi spoke, standing and tugging on Eren's hand.

"It's still a couple of hours before I need to get ready for work. Come lay down with me."

He followed his boss without a word, kicking his shoes off absently as he did so. They coiled up together in Levi's bed, and the quiet was something sacred, only the low sounds of their breathing mingling as they shared the same air, faces touching, hair tangling together. Eren clung to Levi's hands, threw a leg over his boss to pull him closer, pressed soft kisses to his cheeks. Nothing heated, or hungry. Just those warm lips mapping out Levi's skin, his neck, his eyes, his mouth. He mumbled low words into Levi's flesh, told him he was perfect, and beautiful, and everything he wanted. Levi wanted to argue, but something held him back. He wanted to be everything for Eren, wanted to be all those things for him. His eyes still ached from crying, and Levi had not expected to sleep, but with Eren's warm body pressed into his, it was claiming him all the same. He did not have to worry about nightmares or memories.

Eren was there, and he would keep them away. 

There was no room for them. Not anymore.


	13. False and Broken

When Levi's alarm woke them both up, he was an entirely different person, and Eren knew that he was embarrassed about what had happened so he did not bring it up. He might not have known everything there was to know about his boss, but he was aware of how hard it was to reveal such a dark part of yourself. The brunette groaned as Levi threw the covers off him, tried to pull them back up to his face to block out the light that his boss had turned on mercilessly. Eren grabbed drowsily at his boyfriend, attempting to keep him in bed to no avail. Levi was headed to the bathroom, brushing his teeth from the sounds Eren heard filtering under the door.

"Nooooo, Leviiiii, come back. Five more minutes." His boss spoke around his toothbrush, words garbled.

"Sleep five more minutes, I don't care. When I'm ready I'll wake you up and take you by your house to change clothes." Eren whined like a dog, flailing around in Levi's bed in protest as his eyes fell closed.

"It's not the same if your not here. Five more minutes with _you._ " He thought Levi was ignoring him, but a few minutes later Eren heard the door open and felt a weight on the bed next to him. When he opened his eyes, he met that steel gray stare, so close he could see tiny flecks of blue in them. Eren smiled, leaning in to kiss him only to have Levi put a hand over his mouth.

"Go brush your teeth, you nasty fuck. Then I'll give you five more minutes." 

The brunette rolled his eyes but trudged into the bathroom, smiling as he saw the toothbrush he used before was still there. It shouldn't make him happy, but it did. Eren had expected Levi to throw it away, for some reason. The idea that he left it there, thinking Eren would be back to use it again, filled him up with unreasonable joy. He returned to the room after his morning routine to see Levi already dressed, lacking only shoes before he would be ready to go. He was laying in the freshly made bed on top of his blankets, eying Eren with a gaze that had the brunette blushing.

"Come here, brat." Eren crawled into the bed, expecting Levi to pull him into a kiss, especially after he'd pinned him with that hungry stare. Then he remembered what had happened earlier, what his boss had told him, and he realized that Levi was waiting for him to do it, waiting for Eren to act. A flush hit his cheeks as he laid next to Levi, resisting the urge he had to straddle him. He wanted to look away, but something made him hold his boss' gaze as he brought their lips together. They slid against each other, warm and wet and hungry, and five minutes turned into ten, then fifteen, hands searching and clinging to each other, before Levi pulled back. "We need to go by your house so you can change." Something clouded his vision and he muttered a low curse. "Fuck, I'm an asshole. How do you get to work everyday, kid?" Eren's brows furrowed as he shrugged.

"Sometimes my friends Connie and Sasha take me, if its the afternoon. If it's morning, I ride with Armin and Mikasa on their way to university with Jean. All else fails, I take the bus. Why?" Levi tisked at him.

"I'm going to pick you up for work from now on, take you home. I should have offered to this morning, even before... all this happened. Anyway." Eren smiled at the thought of seeing Levi every day that he worked, but then it turned into a disappointed frown.

"We don't usually work the same shifts, Levi. This week is kind of a fluke." Levi flicked his nose before he leaned down to pull his shoes on, looking at Eren like he was stupid.

"I write the schedule, idiot. We'll work the same shifts now." Oh. Eren felt like dumb for a moment, but then frowned again.

"Why did we always work opposite shifts before? I noticed, but I didn't really think much about it. Except that I wanted to see you more." They were headed towards his front door now, and he couldn't see Levi's face, but he could hear the reticence in his voice.

"I didn't want to work around you. You were distracting." A smile split the brunette's face wide at the idea that he could make Levi flustered.

"Am I still distracting?"

"Yes, but I'm not trying to ignore you anymore. Now I want to boss you around and watch you do my bidding. You make a pretty minion."

Eren could feel the heat of his blush, and he couldn't have found words even if he'd wanted to. 

.......................................................................

They'd gotten to work a little earlier than anticipated after stopping by Eren's house so he could change, and it would just be the two of them until Petra showed up at eleven. The store was fairly slow in the morning, and two employees were more than enough to take care of the coffee bar and the register. They opened at nine, and there was still over an hour before they unlocked the doors. Which probably had something to do with how they found themselves in the office, Eren sitting on the desk with Levi standing between his knees, arms tangled together as they made out shamelessly. A part of Eren realized that this could, in fact, become a problem at some point, as he doubted his ability to keep his hands off of Levi now that he was allowed to touch him, especially with no other employees around. Right now, it was a problem he welcomed, and the coffee bar could wait a few minutes to be prepped for the day. Eren was currently getting paid to lick his way into this perfect man's lips, and he had no complaints. Levi moaned into his mouth, and Eren was mentally going over all the reasons he should not pull his boss's shirt off at their place of employment when he heard someone clear their throat, loudly. They both jerked in surprise, heart beating wildly in his chest as they swore in unison.

"Fuck, Hange!

"Shitty glasses!" She was grinning widely, and Eren did not have to wonder why her phone was poised between them. There was no way she'd called attention to herself without snapping a few shots first. 

"Good morning, boss man. Eren. Nice to see you two so cozy this morning." Eren hopped off the desk as Levi collapsed into the chair in front of it, wiping moisture from the corner of his mouth as the brunette flushed bright. "Quite a lovely picture you make. I mean, literally, it's a good pic. I'll send it to you guys. Very sexy." Levi threw a pen at her, scowling as she knocked it away with her hand and cackled.

"What the fuck are you doing here? You don't work today." Hange just shrugged, opening the top drawer of the desk to reveal her wallet.

"Left this here last night. Didn't need it until this morning, so I came by to get it. So. You two are done playing hard to get, I take it?"

"Hey, Levi was the one playing hard to get, not me." Levi flung a pen at Eren now, and he ducked underneath it with a smile.

"Shut it, brat. I was not." Hange giggled.

"Were too." The brunette grinned before agreeing sarcastically.

"You really were. Made me work for it for a whole week, shit." Levi growled at them both, glaring.

"Fuck off, Hange. Go make coffee, you cocky little shit. I have to work." Hange was already leaving, still looking entirely too amused with them, but Eren leaned down to whisper in Levi's ear.

"I don't know, I thought I was working you pretty hard before." He was out of the office before his boss could reply, smirking the whole way even as he flushed brighter.

.......................................................................

Eren should have realized, in retrospect, that everything was going too well for him. Petra had taken over at the coffee bar when she arrived at eleven, all wide smiles and unnatural cheer, and Levi was in the office buried in paperwork all morning. Eren was alone on the floor in the horror and sci-fi section not too far from the registers putting out new stock when a group of three guys came in, and he wouldn't have paid them any attention if he had not heard them speak. Voices straight from some of his worst memories, and even if they were talking about manga instead of insulting him, the sound made his gut clench all the same. At least two of them had been responsible for landing Eren in the hospital before he'd slit his wrists, playing a part of the downward spiral that led him to try and take his own life that particular time. He had not seen any of them since high school, and it was something he'd been grateful for. As he listened to them talk to each other, totally unaware of his existence, he waited for panic to shoot through him, and found a strange calm instead. Eren had always fought back viciously whenever anyone had tried to bully him, making sure he got his licks in where he could, but they had always outnumbered him. Just as they did now, and the ghost of injuries long healed swelled through his nose where it did not sit quite right on his face, through his wrist where it ached in the cold, over the inside of his lip where his teeth had sliced the flesh open. In his ribs where they had broken, puncturing his lung, filling it with blood.

Maybe they would not even notice him, would leave the bookstore without saying a word. It would be for the best, because he didn't know if he could keep his shit together. Eren started for the open office door, ready to duck inside for a moment until they headed out, when he heard one of those voices call out to him.

"Hey man, can you help me fi- Oh my God, holy shit guys, look who it is. Eren fucking Jaeger, resident faggot of Stohess High. Never thought I'd see you again, figured you were long gone. How's that nose doing? Still fucked up, I'd say. It's nice to see that I made such an impact on you." Reiner fucking Braun. Eren was bristling at his words, shooting daggers at the trio as they approached.

"I suggest you guys get the hell out of here. Find somewhere else to buy your shit." Reiner's eyes widened, a wry expression crossing his face. He stood next to Eren now, and the brunette refused to step back, standing taller as the blonde got in his face.

"I don't think your boss would appreciate you telling customers to go shop somewhere else. Maybe I'll go find him, make a complaint. Tell him that his little bookstore faggot was rude and uncooperative. It'd be fun to fuck with you in new ways." That would not go how he planned at all, but Eren did not want to let Levi get involved in this if he could help it. Eren glanced over to the coffee bar, taking a step back so that Petra could not see them. He didn't want her trying to come intervene either, didn't know how far these three would push things. Reiner followed, thinking that Eren was trying to evade him, most likely.

"He won't mind as much as you'd think. This is my fucking job, we're not in high school anymore Reiner. Grow the fuck up, be an adult. Get out, go harass someone else." The blonde threw his arm around Eren's shoulder, leaning in to whisper into his ear even as he tried to shake him off.

"But I like fucking with you, Jaeger. It's always more fun when you little gay bastards fight back. Makes it more satisfying." Eren ducked his head out of Reiner's grasp, only to have the blonde tug him back into a headlock. 

"Get your hands off of me, you ugly bigoted fuck. I'm not the little kid I was in school." Eren was tugging at the arm wrapped around his neck, grateful he had on his jewelry today. The last thing he needed to deal with was these assholes seeing his scars. Scars they had helped make. Braun was not listening, and Eren could not say he was surprised. It was never his strong suit.

"Aww, but I think you are. A weak and helpless little cock whore, same as always." One more time. He had to try one more time.

"I'm serious, Reiner. Let go, or I'll make you." 

He started laughing, and something inside of Eren snapped. That laughter, echoing down to him as he lay bleeding and fighting to breathe. Moving his teeth around in his mouth with his tongue and realizing he would be losing at least one of them. Looking through his right eye as the other swelled shut. With that fucking _laugh_ in his ears. _No. Not again. Not this time._ Eren threw his elbow up and it impacted into the blonde's face, blood spraying out over all of them. As he reached up to hold his face Eren kneed him in the gut, hard enough that he doubled over. When he bent down to clutch his stomach the brunette slammed his elbow down into Reiner's back, and he was on the ground. And _fuck,_ but it felt good watching him crumble to his knees. So good that he was distracted. His two friends were coming at Eren then, one of them snatching his arms behind him as the other tried to swing at his jaw. The brunette was kicking out wildly in front of him, trying to land anything he could to keep some distance between them, but it was not working. Just before his fist landed on Eren's face he was jerked backwards and thrown roughly to the floor. Levi was there, kicking him in the side, face a mask of fury. Eren used the distraction to free his arms, throwing his head back into his other attacker's face. It hurt the brunette, it really did, but not as much as it did the man behind him, who had a bloody face to match Reiner's now. Eren stumbled away, moving behind his boss, not wanting them to try and grab him too. Levi had his foot on the throat of the guy he'd taken down, teeth bared as he hissed out his words.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Reiner was climbing to his feet, clutching at his nose and protesting.

"Your worker just attacked us out of nowhere, he-" Levi shoved him backwards, making him stumble over his own feet and land in a heap again, eyes promising violence.

"Bullshit. Eren, did they hurt you? Do I need to call the cops?" That was the last thing he wanted. To hassle with these idiots even more. Waste more of his time on these assholes.

"No, I'm fine." Levi turned to look at him, reaching out to hold his chin, moving his face left and right as though he didn't believe him. 

"There's blood on you." Eren pulled his shirt up to try and wipe the fluid off, not wanting to leave it on his skin. Who knows what this guy could have.

"It's not mine." Reiner's buddy was standing now, moving a few feet towards the door, away from Levi. The blonde was talking in a furious voice now as Eren's boss finally released his face.

"I want to talk to the manager, this is assault. Get him over here. Call the cops, I'm pressing charges." Levi pulled out his phone, gesturing above their heads.

"I think calling them is a good idea. We can look at these cameras and see what happened. What do you think, brat?" Eren was shaking his head.

"No. I mean, it was their fault, but I don't want to get the police involved. Just kick them out, tell them not to come back." The raven haired man moved his foot off the guy underneath him, and he gasped as he stood up, sucking air into his deprived lungs and moving towards his two friends. Levi glared at them murderously, and Eren was not even sure he was aware of it as he pulled the brunette into his side.

"You heard him. Get out of here, don't come back. I'm going to hold onto those videos, in case you decide not to listen." Reiner was standing again, face a mess as he looked between Levi and Eren, his boss's arm now wrapped around his waist.

"Oh, I see. This is your boyfriend. Who owns this place? I want his name. Tell him all about your faggot fraternizing bullshit." Levi reached over to the counter and snatched up a business card, throwing it on the floor in front the blonde. He leaned down to pick it up, and Eren was too far away to read it, but he knew what it said. _Titan Books, Levi Ackerman, Owner/Manager_ The store's phone number was on the back, along with an email address and various social media information. Reiner read it, before looking up at Levi, who was tapping on his name badge, his title emblazoned across it. 

"Tell me all about my faggot fraternizing, you stupid piece of shit. I'd really like to beat the fuck out of all three of you right now, but Eren doesn't seem like he wants to deal with the cops today, so I'll refrain. Put your hands on him again, and I won't fucking care. I'll beat you half to death. Now get out, before I pull those tapes up and call the police after all. I'm sure your asshole bigot parents or brothers or whoever don't want to deal with your trifling shit today." If looks could kill, everyone there would be dead.

"Fuck both of you. C'mon, let's go."

The trio left without another word, glaring at Levi and Eren with astonishing violence. The brunette let out a shuddering breath, only realizing he'd been holding it when it all vanished in a rush. Levi turned Eren to face him, one hand holding his jaw as he traced over his lips with his fingertips, wiping away a stray drop of blood. Eren reached out and rested his hands on Levi's hips without thinking, and his boss scanned his face with a worried expression, looking for any injury he might have missed.

"You got his blood in your mouth. That's fucking disgusting. I'm guessing you know those assholes?" Eren nodded, bringing one finger up to his nose where it was slightly askew from being broken.

"Yeah. They gave me this." He opened his mouth, tapping on the false front tooth he had, courtesy of Reiner Braun. "And this. It's fake. Got it knocked out." Telling Levi that was a mistake, and it became clear when his expression twisted with startling rage.

"They broke your nose and knocked out your teeth? What the fuck for?" Eren just shrugged.

" 'Faggot fraternizing.' Because I'm gay." Levi dropped his hands from the brunette's face and took a couple of steps towards the door before Eren stopped him. He knew his boss would follow them, and end up arrested. Levi was rich as fuck, and he could probably get off without getting into any serious trouble, but Eren did not want him to have to deal with something like that because of him. He grabbed his boss' arm and tugged him back, flinching as Levi glared at him. "Levi, wait. Don't. They're not worth the trouble, all right? It's ancient history." He was brushing brown locks out of Eren's eyes, looking more serious than he had ever seen before. His words came fast, laced with unchecked emotion.

"It's not ancient history. They tried to hit you, today, in my fucking store. That's current events, kid. You got _blood_ in your _mouth._ It's all over your face, too. Christ, we need to go get you tested. I swear to God if that nasty fucker has something in his blood, I'll have his ass." Eren felt warmth spreading through him. Other than Mikasa and Armin, no one had ever given a shit about Eren, and here Levi was ready to go fight three guys at once and risk going to jail for him. Despite all that happened, he couldn't help but smile.

"Pretty sure it would take a day or so for anything to be detectable in my blood. If you're really that serious about it. Though I don't think it works that way, unless you have a cut in your mouth or something." Levi tisked at him.

"Fuck that. Better safe than sorry. I'm taking your ass tomorrow." Levi paused, fury vanishing as his eyes darted to the ground, looking suddenly unsure. Eren could barely hear what he said next, even from right beside the man. "Uh, I'll... We can both do it. Get tested. Ah... just in case, right?" It took Eren a few moments to understand what Levi meant, and when he did he blushed. _Just in case._ Just in case things got more... serious between them. Eren was a virgin, hadn't gone farther than a few awkward high school handjobs, but he wasn't about to tell Levi that, not right then anyway. And he had gotten some seriously questionable blood in his mouth just then. Levi was right. Better safe than sorry.

"Okay. We... we can go tomorrow, after work or something. We get off at three, right?" Levi nodded, and suddenly they heard someone clearing their throat for the second time that day. They looked over to see Petra standing there, awkward and smiling, a blush painting her cheeks.

"Are you okay, Eren? I didn't really see what happened before Levi came over, and then I had to go calm down a couple of customers, but ah... you're all bloody." She looked between the two of them, a knowing grin on her face. 

"I'm fine Petra. Thank you for asking. Sorry about that. But shit, I guess I need to change my clothes." A regular came in and approached the coffee bar, and Petra smiled again before she ran over to help them. Eren washed his face in the bathroom before he headed into the office where Levi was sitting, scowling at the desk. He looked up when the brunette walked in, and all that irritation melted away into concern.

"I called Hange and Auruo in to cover for us. Fuck this place, I'm taking you home to change, then we're going somewhere." Eren wanted to argue, tell Levi he was fine to work, but then curiosity got the better of him.

"Going where?" Levi shrugged.

"I don't know. Anywhere but here. The movies or the park or some stupid shit like that. Wherever you want to go." The brunette grinned.

" 'The movies or the park or some stupid shit'. Are you asking me on a date, Levi? You have a way with words. I'm swooning." Levi threw another pen, and then realized the office floor was littered with them now. It bounced off Eren's chest, and he just smiled wider.

"Shut up. Just pick somewhere."

Fuck, Levi was grouchy and difficult. Didn't know how to take a compliment or express his emotions. Always resorted to sarcasm, no matter the situation. Was on the edge of violence almost constantly. Scowling and sour and smart assed.

Yeah. Eren was definitely in love.


	14. Like Animals

Levi sat on one of the couches in Eren's living room while he changed his clothes upstairs, still seething with rage after what those stupid fucks had done to the brat. Not just that day in the store, but back in high school as well. Levi had been on the receiving end of his share of gay bashing, everyone who was anything but strictly heterosexual probably dealt with it at some point, but it was always verbal. Some idiot talking shit. Not someone beating him until they broke his nose and knocked out his fucking teeth. He sat there furious, livid at the thought of Eren on the floor of some bathroom or locker room. Outnumbered, in pain. Tasting his own blood. The kid was not some fragile being, but put enough pressure on anyone and they will break.

He wondered if those assholes had helped to break Eren. Put pressure on him until he tried to relieve it with a knife to his veins.

Levi was shaken from his angry thoughts when Eren came down the stairs in a pair of tattered loose fitting gray shorts that landed below his knees and a faded Tool t-shirt. It wasn't fair. This brat could wear a bathrobe or a damn janitor's uniform and still look sexy. Hospital gown. Old bathrobe. Wouldn't matter. Those bright eyes and tanned skin and muscled arms just made his clothes totally irrelevant. Levi only realized he was staring when the kid was right in front of him, scratching at his messy hair absently, a light flush on his cheeks.

"So, where are we going?" Levi huffed, mostly to try and cover up his blatant ogling.

"You tell me, kid. I told you to choose." Eren bit his lip, looking off to the side as though the answer would be written there somewhere. Levi watched those shining white teeth sinking into the pink flesh of his mouth, and it was too much to ignore. He grabbed Eren's hand and tugged him forward hard, making him all but fall into his lap. Levi pulled the kid's knees to either side until Eren was straddling him, and those green eyes went wide, wondering if it was really okay for them to be in this position. But this was _Eren,_ and Levi needed it to be okay. Needed this boy to be able to climb on top of him, bury their mouths against each other. He nodded in answer at that uncertain expression as he reached up to cup Eren's face, pulling it down towards his own gently.

"You can't bite your lip like in front of me that if I can't have a taste." Levi left the barest of spaces between their lips, waiting for Eren to close the distance between them. His gaze darted around Levi's face, mouth parted slightly, and with a ragged pant he brought their lips together. All they had done when they were alone together was melt into each other this way, and yet Levi could not get enough. Felt like he was starving for Eren, no air in his lungs. Needed him like food or water, and had been living his whole life without it. His tongue invaded that perfect mouth, and he felt the brat's hands burying themselves in his hair, threading through his dark locks carefully, not pulling or tugging. Soft, and easy. It was just what Levi needed. His own hands edged up Eren's shirt, resting against the hot skin at the small of his back, pressing the kid tighter against him. Suddenly he wasn't very concerned about where they were going. Levi could do this all day.

"Oh my God, no fucking on the furniture, it's shitty enough as it is." _Or not._ They broke apart at Armin's voice, the blonde emerging from the hallway by the front door. Neither of them had heard him come in, but they'd been a little... distracted. Eren jumped off of Levi's lap to try and sit next to him, but he tugged the brat back into, legs to one side. He flushed, and Levi wanted to lick those pink cheeks and see if he could taste the warmth in them. Eren's arm went around his shoulder as his own circled the brunette's back. It was familiar in a way that should take years to reach. Instead of being frightened, it made Levi feel like he was home in some strange new way. His thoughts were still headed in lustful, heated directions, and he answered Armin to try and shake them a little.

"We weren't going to fuck on this old ass couch. It would fall into pieces." Armin threw his school bag down on the coffee table, scoffing at Levi's words.

"It's not that old." Levi smirked, one brow cocking up suggestively.

"I didn't say it was that old. I said it wouldn't be able to handle it." Armin rolled his eyes as Eren groaned in embarrassment. 

"Eren, put a leash on your boy." This time it was the brunette who smirked.

"Wow, Armin, I didn't know you were into that kind of shit. Kinky." The blonde tossed a throw pillow at Eren's face, and Levi swatted it away.

"I thought you were working today. Both of you, actually. What're you doing home?" Armin did not bring up what had happened that morning, and Levi was grateful, but he knew the blonde would be asking Eren about it later. Levi looked up at the brunette, waiting to see how he would answer. He appeared to steel himself, sighing.

"Reiner Braun showed up with two of his asshole buddies at the store today." The blonde's eyes went wide before his face twisted into a scowl.

"What the fuck did he want?" Eren shrugged, and Levi felt the brat's hand clutching at the back of his shirt tightly. He slid his own up the kid's back, rubbing slow circles into it, and Eren relaxed just slightly into the touch.

"Originally, he was looking for some fucking manga or something, but then he saw me and tried to start some shit. Put me in a headlock, tried to be an asshole. I think...." Eren smiled, letting out a bark of laughter. "I think I broke his nose. His buddies tried to two on one me, but Levi stepped in. Knocked one down, kicked them out of the store." Armin looked even more pissed off than the brat had when it happened.

"That piece of shit! Did you call the cops? Goddamnit, can they not just grow the fuck up?" Levi decided to sic blondie on his boyfriend.

"I wanted to call them, but Eren wouldn't let me." Eren glared at Levi, who just smiled in response. 

"Eren! Why not?" Armin stood up, gesturing with his hands wildly as he walked over to Eren and pulled his face up, eying it for damage.

"Because I don't want to deal with it! They've take up too much of my fucking time as it is. I don't want them to be... important enough to affect my life that way." When the blonde was satisfied that Eren wasn't hurt he slapped his shoulder before sitting back down. He looked over at Levi, still scowling.

"If those idiots show up again I want you to call the cops of them, Levi. Eren won't do it, but don't ask him. Just call, okay?"

"Armin!" Eren sounded indignant, but the blonde was not affected. 

"I will, don't worry." Now those green eyes shot over to Levi, looking even more offended.

"Levi! Whose side are you on?" Levi slid his hand up Eren's spine a couple of inches, fingers warm against his skin, and watched those cheeks flush bright.

"Your side, kid. Armin is too. We just don't like assholes. But you're with me, so I guess you must have a soft spot for them."

And for that, Levi was at least a little grateful.

............................................................

_This fucking kid._

"No." Eren whined, bouncing on his toes like a child.

"Come ooooon. Please." Levi rolled his eyes at the brat's shameless begging.

"Fuck. No." 

"It'll only take a second. You won't die from having your picture taken. Don't destroy my dreams, Levi."

"I'm not letting you take a picture of me with a fucking goat, Eren." 

Eren had somehow managed to think of the most cliche date imaginable, which is how they arrived at the zoo in the first place. How the brat had talked Levi into going to the petting zoo with goats of various sizes and colors milling around was another issue entirely, one that he didn't want to examine too closely. It probably had something to do with those fucking puppy eyes, which were turned on him again now, begging silently.

"That's not going to work, you shit."

But it was working. Those green eyes were opened wide, brows furrowed over them as he pouted, lip pushed out just slightly. Levi wanted to bite it, but there were kids all over the place and he held himself back. Barely. Eren crouched down to scratch a little black goat behind the ears, looking up at Levi and pleading.

"I'll be in it too. Come on. I don't have a single picture of us." Levi made an irritated sound through his teeth.

"You want the first one to be with some fucking disgusting farm animal?" A nearby mother was nudging her children away, glaring at them. So bad language was unforgivable but they would let their preschooler play with germ ridden livestock? He didn't see the rationale.

"Don't be so difficult. Goat picture or I walk." He would not, in fact, walk, and they both knew it.

"Who's being difficult now?" Even as he complained he was crouching down next to Eren, who held his phone out to take the picture of both of them. The brat shoved his face in close to the goat who seemed just as unhappy about all this as Levi, who felt their cheeks brush against each other as Eren pulled him in tighter and fought a blush. 

"Smile."

"Fuck that." Levi glared up at the camera, and after the brunette snapped the photo they both stood up. When Eren checked the picture he started laughing.

"Oh my God Levi, you look just like this goat." He glanced over at Eren's phone, the picture displayed on the screen for him to see. Both he and the goat were wearing looks of total disgust, or as disgusted as a goat can be anyway, Eren's smiling face between them a stark contrast. It did not help that the goat's fur was the same dark black as Levi's hair. It was almost funny. Almost. Eren was still laughing, leaning over and holding his stomach.

"Shut up. I'm never taking you anywhere again." The kid was breathless now, shaking as he giggled.

"No, I think this goat is your long lost brother. Holy shit, it's uncanny." Levi was about to hiss some scathing insult at the brunette, but when he looked over at him all the annoyance melted away. Eren's eyes were shining, smiling wide, hair falling into his face as his shoulders quaked with glee. It was beautiful, and he felt a smile creep over his lips as he watched. _Fuck it._ Levi leaned in and pressed a kiss to the brat's cheek. When Eren glanced over in surprise, his boss fixed him with that trademark glare of his.

"You're still a dick." Eren paused for the briefest of moments, before leaning in and putting his lips beside Levi's ear, whispering low.

"But I'm your dick."

He strolled off to exit the petting zoo to wash his hands at a bank of nearby sinks, leaving Levi standing there in shock. 

_This fucking brat._

....................................................

They wandered around the zoo for a few hours, watching as the employees fed penguins and alligators. There was an large outdoor aviary where they sold small sticks of seed to feed parakeets and cockatiels by hand, but Levi refused to enter, muttering something about bird shit. So he simply looked on from outside as the brunette offered up the food to the brightly colored animals. Before long they were alighting on his hands to get closer to the seed, two and three at a time sitting there eating. Levi made a comment about Eren secretly being a Disney princess, and the brat laughed. It was impossible to offend Eren, he realized. Levi could throw snide comments and harassment at him all day long, and he just grinned and shrugged it off, or mocked Levi right back. Not even Erwin or Hange were this good at keeping up with Levi's sarcasm, and he found himself impressed against his will. For the second time that day, he was thinking, _'Not fair'._

This kid was beautiful, and sweet, and too nice for his own good. Met Levi's snark effortlessly. Had been through so much, and yet when someone pushed him like they had today, he pushed right back. Fierce. Complicated. Determined.

Perfect. And now he was _Levi's._

It made him nervous, as though the universe was playing some kind of cosmic joke on him. Levi could not help but think that something would go wrong somehow, something he did wrong if he was being honest. He was terrible at human interaction in general, let along the whole dating thing. Eren was now petting a tiny blue parakeet, who was shoving his head into the brunette's hand, feathers ruffling happily under his touch. _Even the fucking birds love him._ It was almost ridiculous. When the kid finally came out of the aviary, Levi picked colorful downy tufts out of his hair for the rest of the day. He stopped in the gift shop on their way out, and when they climbed in the car to leave he shoved a plush toy at Eren.

It was a little black goat, and the brunette didn't stop smiling the whole way home. If the dark haired man was tagged in a picture on Facebook later with someone named 'Levi Ackergoat'....

He didn't even mind.


	15. Of Mothers And Memory

The bridge was lit up intermittently by bolts of lightning, making the night strobe in discordant flashes. Eren stood outside the protective barrier, no shoes on, sharp metal biting into the bottoms of his feet as he looked into the water far below. He'd left his house in a daze, and by the time he reached the river Sina his feet were bloody and sore. Wind pulled at his clothes, and he knew it was sheer coincidence, but it blew at his back. Seeking to give him the final push he needed. One more nudge over the edge. He held onto the railing with numb fingers as rain poured around him, plastering his hair against his face, and he fought the urge to push it out of his eyes. Afraid to let go. Because he might fall.

Afraid to hold on. Because he might not.

The river surged and swelled, promising an end to his suffering. No more nightmares he woke from screaming, his throat sore under the strain. No more ache in his chest as he thought of all he had lost. No more fear dancing in the back of his mind, terrified that one day he would turn into some sort of monster like his father, that same blood rushing through his veins. No more anything.

Sweet, beautiful oblivion, yet he could not take that last step. Could not leap out over nothingness and let the waters swallow him whole. 

Eren turned around, wind hitting him in the face now, and he closed his eyes. Maybe he could not move forward, but he could throw himself back. Was an expert at dwelling on things that should be behind him, letting them take over everything he was. He thought of his mother, tried to picture her smiling face. Failed, as he always did. Saw her lying in a puddle of blood instead, eyes glassy and unseeing. Eren didn't know if he believed in an afterlife, but if there was one, maybe she would be there waiting for him. If not....

Anything was better than this. Even if it was nothing but darkness.

He leaned back as far as he could, felt gravity tugging him downwards. Felt the scrape of rusted metal stinging his hands, cutting gashes into his skin, blood seeping between his fingers. But that pain was nothing compared to what he felt inside. Eren opened his eyes, and the night was beautiful around him, even as the storm raged and wailed. The whisper from his lips did not travel far, but there was no one to hear it anyway.

"I'm sorry."

With stones in his gut and tears in his eyes, Eren screamed as he let go. Instead of relief, dread crept up his spine, the premonition of sensation crawling over him. A promise of what was to come, the river dragging him into its depths.

As he fell backwards, suddenly there were hands reaching over the rail, grasping at the empty air where he had just been. A figure leaning over, terror in his gaze as he watched Eren drop towards the water. Grey eyes shining in the night.

"Eren!" No. No, no, that's not right. Levi wasn't on the bridge, he didn't see. But there he was, shouting, pain in his voice and his face. Painted on his skin. Etched into his being. "Eren! Eren!" He felt a strangled cry pour out of his lips. He'd made a terrible mistake, left Levi behind, clutching at his ghost. Begging, but there was nothing he could do. Eren was dead already, if only on the inside.

"Eren!"

 

".......Eren, Eren, wake up! Eren!" 

Eren's eyes shot open and he bolted upright, tears leaking down his face as he shook. Levi's arms went around Eren, hugging him tight, and he melted into his embrace, fighting the urge to sob. It had been a long time since he'd had a dream like that, reliving one of his attempts. Feeling the raw fear that eased up inside you when you truly believed you were going to die, no matter how much you thought you wanted it. Levi's hands reached up to thread through his hair, sweaty and matted against his head.

"Shhhh, it's okay now." _It's okay now._ Armin had woken him from his nightmares time and time again, muttering those same words, and they always left Eren cold inside. Wanting to shout, _no, it's not,_ but none of that misplaced anger surged up now. Instead Eren relaxed even further into Levi, burying his face in the man's chest as he tried to catch his breath.

"L-Levi, h-how-" Eren's words caught in his throat and he sniffed hard, wiping at his face to clear his vision.

"I said I'd pick you up at eight, but this morning you didn't answer my calls or texts. You weren't outside when I got here, and I knocked and no one came to the door. Your sister and Armin aren't home, and I got worried. I used my keys, I'm sorry if it upsets you. I'll give them back, if you want me to." Eren shook his head, feeling the damp fabric of Levi's shirt rub against his skin.

"No, it's okay. I'm glad you're here." He felt Levi press a soft kiss to his temple before replying.

"I'm glad I'm here, too. You wanna talk about it?" _No._ Automatic, instinctive. No, he did not want to talk about his dreams. Except the words were coming out on their own, without any input from him whatsoever.

"I was on the bridge over the river, and everything was just the same as when I... when I tried to kill myself. I jumped off, but then when I fell you were up there reaching for me, and I realized I'd left you behind, and... and then I was screaming, and you woke me up." Levi was silent for awhile, rubbing circles into Eren's back, and only now did he remember he was shirtless, his boss' hand cool on his flesh.

"You were moaning in your sleep. Not exactly a scream, but still. And you were crying." Eren laughed bitterly, feeling shame roll through him. First he'd suffered a panic attack in front of him, then Levi had seen his scars, learned about his past. Now this.

"I'm always so fucking pathetic in front of you." Levi pulled back, taking the brunette's face in his hands and glaring at him.

"So I'm pathetic?" Eren's brows furrowed in confusion.

"No, I didn't say that, I-" His boss pressed his thumbs into his cheekbones hard, face serious.

"I did this same thing yesterday, called you like a moron at five in the morning crying, and you came over to my house to check on me. Was I pathetic?" Understanding shot through him, and he realized that Levi was right. If he did not think less of him, why would Levi judge him for this? Still, he felt vulnerable in strange new ways, laying himself open like this for someone else to see.

"No. No, you're right, I'm sorry. It just feels..." Levi smiled.

"Scary? Letting somebody in?" The brunette nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. Scary." Levi leaned in and took his mouth, lingering in it for long moments before easing back.

"Nothing to be scared of. It's just me."

 _Just Levi._ He was nothing so simple as _just Levi,_ but Eren found himself calming, and he tugged his boyfriend back towards his lips. Not caring about the tears still shining on his cheeks or the red tint in his eyes or the shudders still present in his breath. None of that mattered.

It was just Levi. 

....................................................

 

They sat inside a private waiting room that was unlike any doctors office Eren had ever been to, and the brunette felt out of place. Levi said this doctor was a friend of his parents who he saw on the rare occasion he got sick enough to warrant medical attention, and it was clearly well above Eren's price range. Especially considering his budget for doctor visits was exactly zero. The last time he'd been in a doctors office was when he'd been recovering from pneumonia after jumping off a bridge, and just being inside a medical facility of any kind was enough to make his skin crawl. Levi seemed to sense his nervousness, running his fingers through Eren's hair as the brunette filled out paperwork with his basic information. This was not the kind of doctor he'd anticipated being dragged to by his boyfriend.

"I figured the first doctor you'd try to bring me to would be a psychologist, honestly." The hand in his hair stilled for a moment.

"Would you go? If I asked?" Fuck, he should've kept his mouth shut. Hadn't thought that through at all, just blurted out whatever came to mind like always. Stared at his paperwork for a minute before answering.

"I want to say no. It's not like I don't think I need... professional help of some sort. It's just all the psychologists I've seen before haven't really done much that helped me, really." He sighed. "Then again, I was living in foster homes with people I barely knew who were doing their best to keep me alive, seeing state appointed counselors who had fifteen minutes a week for me. Fuck, I don't know Levi." Levi closed a hand around Eren's wrist, waited until Eren met his eyes.

"Would you at least think about it?" Eren swallowed heavily before nodding, looking towards the forms he filled out like a lifeline. Anything to escape the conversation Levi wanted to have. "Just... it doesn't have to be right now. Think about it for me. I care about you." Only the truth in those words kept Eren grounded. He continued filling in the blanks, only to have Levi pull his hand away and look at the paper. "Your birthday is March thirtieth." The brunette jerked his clipboard away, shooting Levi a glare.

"Isn't that some sort of a violation of patient confidentiality or something?" Levi made a sound of irritation through his teeth.

"I could have pulled it up on your employee records, or asked your family, and they would've told me. Why did you tell me your birthday is less than a week away, Eren?" Eren just shrugged. He hated his birthday. It reminded him of his mother, and his father, and years and years of awkward celebrations with foster parents who hadn't been there for his previous birthday and wouldn't be around for the next one. Mikasa and Armin usually gave him presents early, or waited until it passed, refusing to ignore it altogether but not wanting to make him miserable.

"I don't like to celebrate my birthday. It's not a big deal." He could _feel_ Levi frowning at him, that scowl on his face boring into his skin.

"Can I at least buy you a gift? Take you to dinner, something?" Eren finished the last of his papers, setting them on the nearby desk harder than necessary.

"I won't stop you. As long as you don't try to throw me a party, or make a huge thing out of it, it's fine." 

The doctor came in then, and Eren was grateful even if it meant he had to have his blood drawn. There were no awkward questions, just a needle stick and a signature, and Eren felt relief shoot through him. He'd expected the doctor to ask if he was sexually active, and that would have meant basically telling Levi he was a virgin. Not that he wanted to keep it from him forever, but in a doctor's office with some man he'd never met was not the ideal place to break the news. Less than a half hour later they were leaving, with a nurse promising to send the results to them via e-mail in a couple of days. If anything untoward was found they would call to refer them for treatment, but Eren wasn't worried, and Levi did not appear to be either. It was just past nine in the morning, and neither of them had do go into work until two, so they stopped to eat breakfast before heading back to Eren's place. Levi got out wordlessly, following his boyfriend.

"Guess you're gonna hang out until time to head to work?" Levi glanced at him, looking a little embarrassed as Eren headed over to his mailbox.

"If that's okay..." The brunette rolled his eyes as he grabbed the pile of letters, filing through them while they walked up towards his house.

"Of course it's okay."

Once they were on Eren's porch he paused, looking at a bright red envelope in his hand, addressed to him. It had strange postmarks, as though it had been sent from another country, and no return address, but Eren figured it must be from one of his previous foster parents. Some of them still sent him birthday cards, even after all these years. Eren supposed he should find it sweet, but he thought they probably felt guilty for being unable to help him. Not that it was their fault he was the way he was, he didn't hold anything against them, but Eren had nothing but terrible memories of all the places he'd lived. Crippling loneliness, a sense of always being out of place. He tore open the envelope, taking the card out. The front was generic, a plain red card with 'Happy Birthday' emblazoned across it in black. When he opened it up something fell out, hitting the ground by his feet with a metallic sound. Eren looked down and froze, not reaching down to pick the item up but pulling his eyes back to the card in his hand.

_I miss you, son. Maybe I'll see you soon. Love, Dad_

"Eren?"

Eren started shaking so hard that his legs would not hold him up anymore, and he threw the card away as though it was burning him, collapsing to the ground. A choking noise came out of his mouth, strangled and desperate, as his thoughts swirled red and hot. _No, no, no.... He doesn't know where I am, how can he know, how did he find me...._ Some distant part of his mind supplied that it wouldn't really be very hard, Armin's name was not incredibly prevalent, and it was common sense that Eren would seek out his friend once he came of age. All of that was running in the background as nausea rolled through him, and he barely had time to lean over the edge of the porch before he was vomiting, everything he'd eaten coming back up in a rush. He gagged and retched until there was nothing in his stomach, shaking with dry heaves, feeling Levi's hands brushing his hair back from his face. Levi called his name, but it was as though he was underwater, sound muffled and distant, echoing strangely in his mind. Eren sat back up, trembling hands pawing at his own cheeks as he pulled his legs up to his chest. Then his eyes went to the shining metal on the ground, and he picked it up as though it was poisonous.

A leather corded necklace with a shining golden key. Just like the one he'd worn since childhood.

Like the one his mother was wearing the night she died, never to be seen again. But there it was in his hand, catching the light, looking beautiful.

Making terror crawl through his guts to swell inside his chest, living there, sharp and unmerciful.

He clutched it to his chest, the shivers rolling over him in a wave, and only when he opened his eyes did he realize he'd closed them. Levi was in his face, hands desperately running through his hair, clutching at his clothes, pressed against his cheek. His mouth was moving, and Eren realized he must be speaking. Levi tried to pull him into a hug, but Eren resisted. Blinked a few times before he could hear what he said.

"Eren, fuck, what's wrong? What do I do? Talk to me, tell me, I'm here, please!" Eren couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't control the words that stuttered their way out of his mouth.

"Th-th-the card, i-i-it's... it's..." Levi looked around on the ground, snatching up the card and opening it. He read what was written inside, looking at Eren with his brows furrowed. The brunette was recoiling from the paper like an open flame, and Levi tossed the card into the yard.

"It's from your dad?" _Fuck, fuck, fuck...._ Eren nodded furiously, those quaking hands clutching at his own hair as he began to rock back and forth, a whimpering sound coming from his throat. Levi moved behind him, wrapping his arms around Eren's waist and whispering soothing sounds into his ear as he tried to make him relax. 

"He-he found me, fuck, he kn-knows where I live, he.... oh God..." Eren leaned over and threw up again, nothing but stomach acid and terror.

"Eren, what's wrong with your dad? What did he do to you?" The brunette finally turned towards Levi, curling up into his chest, and as those arms went around him he stopped fighting it. Just let the shakes take him as he whispered out words almost too low to hear.

"He killed my mom."


	16. Just In Case

Levi held Eren in silence, letting his words sink in as the boy shook all over, pieces falling into place. He never mentioned his parents and grew tense and anxious if anyone was talking about their own, as though he was afraid someone would ask about them. Eren had told Levi over and over again how wonderful his mother was and just how lucky he was to have her, and he and Kuchel text messaged each other more than she and Levi did. He remembered driving to the formal wear shop before their first date, saying something about his mother and how he wanted to strangle her sometimes. Levi could feel the tension radiating off the kid after that, and now it made sense. Made Levi feel like an asshole, honestly. Considering the way Eren never brought up the subject, Levi had thought there was a pretty good chance his parents had passed away. He never would have guessed his father had killed his mother, and a thousand questions came to mind. Which he shoved down brutally, somewhere deep in his gut where they wouldn't try and come out. The last thing Eren needed right now was him asking about what happened. When he was ready, if he was ready, Eren would tell him. So he just rocked the kid back and forth, trying to let him calm down. It seemed to be working, the trembling in Eren's limbs easing back, until he shot to his feet and ran to the door, fumbling for his keys. They fell to the ground once, twice, three times before Eren finally managed to get the right one in the lock and fling the door open. Then he left them lodged there as though they didn't exist, bounding up the stairs like he was being chased. Levi picked the card up off the ground, along with the envelope, and shoved them both into his back pocket before removing Eren's keys from the door and closing it. He took the stairs two at a time, running after the brunette with worry eating at his chest. Eren was not in his right mind, and Levi had a brief moment of panic as he wondered if Armin's grandfather had kept any guns in the house. Surely with Eren's history the blonde would have gotten rid of them a long time ago. Right?

Levi's heart was in his throat when he entered Eren's room, watching the kid dig in his closet with frantic motions. Clothing and notebooks were falling out, scattering on the floor, totally unnoticed.

"Eren, what are you looking for?" The brunette shook his head, arm snaking deeper, reaching towards the back of the shelf at the top of the closet. "Eren...." 

He didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think. Levi wanted to kill Eren's father in that moment, wanted to watch him bleed out under his hands for everything he'd done to his son. Someone he was supposed to love, to protect, someone he was supposed to give the world to. Instead he'd taken his mother, and that loss had stayed with Eren all this time. Followed him to bridges and rooftops and bathtubs full of blood. Pill bottles and suicide notes. Jewelry to hide his scars. Nightmares he woke from screaming. His mother's death was probably not the sole reason for all that he'd been through since then, but Levi knew it was the biggest one. Had to be. He was trying to breathe through the sheer fury that was running through his veins when Eren found what he'd been looking for, clutching it to his chest and running from the room. Levi couldn't see what it was, and he raced after the brunette, calling his name.

"Eren!"

He watched Eren flee into the bathroom and followed him in, eyes going wide as they took in the brunette crouched next to the toilet. Eren had two bottles full of pills and he was struggling to take off the lid of one with his quaking hands. When it finally came loose tablets flew out, scattering along the floor, rolling under the sink. Levi was about to snatch the bottle from him when he poured it into the toilet, picking up the second bottle and repeating the gesture. He flushed them down with a sick expression on his face before he realized there were white pills all over the tile. Eren fell to his hands and knees, picking them up one by one to toss them into the bowl. Tears were streaming down his face as the pills dropped from his fingers, and Levi couldn't take it anymore. Grabbed his wrists and pulled Eren into his arms, burying his face in those brown locks.

"Eren, stop. It's fine, I'll sweep them up later. Just stop. Shhhh....." The brunette shuddered, pulling his arms against his own chest as Levi held him tight. His next words were out before he really thought about them, and they hurt his throat to speak. "Why did you still have those?" Levi felt Eren shrug, felt the brunette nuzzle in tighter against the fabric of his shirt.

"I thought I might need them. Just in case." Levi's heart was breaking in his chest at the thought of Eren with a handful of those pills, deciding not to take them but tucking them away for later. _Just in case._ Just in case this life was too much and he again wanted to be free of it. Just in case he he wanted to die. Levi was petting Eren's hair, grey eyes wide and unseeing as his mind ran in a thousand directions. Then Eren continued, voice a ragged whisper. "My first thought was, what if he comes here and hurts Mikasa and Armin? What if he finds out I'm with you and tries to hurt you, too? Then I thought, he won't hurt anyone I love if I'm dead. There would be no point, and I could wait until you left and take those pills, and everyone would be safe from him. It makes me feel sick to realize just how fast my mind went there. Less than five minutes, and already I'm wondering how I can manage to get myself alone long enough to overdose. I'm so fucked." Eren's voice broke on those last few words, and Levi shoved his face into those thick brown strands. Ignored the part where Eren considered him 'someone he loved'. Knew the kid had not even realized he said it.

"But you didn't do it, you got rid of them. You did good. Besides, what the fuck makes you think I'm going anywhere? You think I'm letting you stay _here,_ after you got that letter? Are you fucking crazy? I don't know what happened back then, and you don't have to tell me right now, but we need to call the cops, Eren. If he killed your mother and he knows where you are-" Eren cut him off with a dark laugh, pulling back from Levi and wiping at his nose with his wrist.

"There's nothing they can do. There's been a couple of times that I thought someone was following me, watching the houses I lived in, lurking around. Called the cops to tell them, and some fucking help they were. They'll send cars out to patrol more often, so they say. But it's not like they'll put me into protective custody, and even if they did, they won't do anything for Mikasa and Armin. They never found my father after what happened, and a few years later there was a fire in the building where the physical evidence was housed. A totally unrelated 'electrical fire'. Everything tangible that was connected to the case was destroyed. Even if they found him, unless he confesses they couldn't get a conviction. My dad is a genius. I don't know how he did it, but I know it was him. He had that shit burned." Eren laughed again, and chills ran up Levi's spine. "He killed my mother, and he was going to kill me, too. Had a knife to my throat." He pulled back the pile of necklaces he was wearing to reveal the scar he bore there, and Levi's throat went tight. "Gave me this before the cops showed up, and then he ran. Disappeared into thin air, like he never existed at all. For fourteen years. Fuck... I just..." Eren buried his face in his hands. "Why couldn't he have just stayed gone? He took everything from me. My mother, my childhood. Why can't he just leave me alone?" Levi wished he had an answer.

"I don't know why. I'm so sorry, Eren."

Levi didn't have the words he needed, didn't know what to say, and as he forced Eren back into his arms he realized it was because they didn't exist. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, nothing that would make this okay. Finally the brunette went still, breathing evening out, and he sniffed loudly. Levi pulled his face up, waited for those wet green eyes to meet his own. When they finally did he leaned forward and kissed Eren's cheek, stroking the spot with his thumb afterwards like he could rub it into the boy's skin. Etch it there for eternity.

"Pack some clothes, anything you need. You can't stay here. You're coming with me." Panic filled Eren's gaze, sharp and overpowering.

"What about Mikasa and Armin? He knows where I live, they'll still be here, what if he-" Levi ran a thumb over his lips as he interrupted.

"Eren. Just relax. I'm going to call my mother, get the name of the security company she uses. While you get your stuff ready, I'll talk to them. Have them put a security system in here. Motion sensors, cameras for outside. We'll make sure they're safe, okay? But I still don't want you staying here. Not right now." 

Levi expected Eren to argue with him about having something so expensive installed, or balk at the idea of leaving his family behind, but he didn't. Just bit his lip. Furrowed his brows. Looked vaguely ill. Finally stood up and walked to his room wordlessly to start packing. Levi could tell he was shutting down, pushing everything he felt somewhere inside and trying to ignore it as he shoved clothes into a duffel bag. He texted his mother for the information about the home security company they used, saving the phone number into his contacts. Levi needed to find out when Armin would be home so he could schedule a good time for their people to come out and get everything set up, but it was not his place to explain things to the blonde. Not unless Eren said it was okay.

"When does Armin get home today?" Eren glanced up, eyes looking anywhere but Levi.

"Around one." 

Levi left the room and called the security company, making an appointment for a technician to come out that day sometime after two o'clock. Maybe he should've okayed it with Armin first, but Levi wanted something in place there as soon as possible, and he did not think the blonde would fault him for this. When he hung up he did not put his phone away, instead sending messages to his employees and shifting their schedules around to cover for him and Eren the rest of the week. They would be glad to have more hours, and even though the brunette would protest he had no business trying to work at the moment. The longer he stood in Eren's doorway waiting for him to finish getting ready, the more anxiety began to climb up his spine. He needed to get his brat out of there, and right then. Needed Eren tucked away in his house. He went back to the bathroom and cleaned up the stray tablets from the floor, tossing the bottles into the trash before returning to Eren's room. Finally the brunette was ready, a bag packed full of clothes and a case with what must have been a laptop. He looked at Levi with an unfathomable expression. Opened his mouth and nothing came out. Closed it again, and his eyes filled with tears that did not spill. They just shone in the light, far more beautiful than sorrow had any right to be.

"Let's get out of here."

Eren didn't nod, didn't respond in any way. Just followed Levi outside to his car and climbed in as though he were lost. Trailing after someone, anyone.

Hoping they might lead him somewhere safe.

.................................................................

 

Eren was curled up in Levi's bed in the dark a few hours later, listening to the rain pour down outside. Buried in the blankets, sheets and pillows cocooning around them as though it would protect them from the world. It had been sunny and bright that morning, but as though summoned out of Eren's very psyche clouds had gathered. Now thunder and lightning erupted intermittently, making the windows quake and rattle. The brunette had not said much of anything else as they made their way to Levi's. He'd sent Armin and Mikasa some messages explaining what was happening and where he was going before turning his phone off. It was a shitty thing to do, probably, but he could not bear to have those conversations right then. Just felt the darkness of the room pressing on his skin like a living thing. As though it was trying to claw its way inside and swell in his lungs, cut off his air. Suffocate him, leave him still and lifeless. Pull him down into nothingness, as he'd tried to do so many times before. Levi was wrapped around him like a second skin, breathing the same air, his heat keeping Eren warm when he would have been cold and shaking. He didn't speak, or ask questions, or press for information, and Eren almost wished he had. If Levi had pushed, Eren could have said he was not ready to talk about it. But the silence that twisted around them had a gravity of its own, and it was pulling the words out of Eren before he could stop them. He nestled in tighter, hiding his face in Levi's chest.

"My dad was a doctor, a researcher. When I was little, he worked all the time, and I hardly ever saw him. My mom would put me to bed before he got home every night. I'd see him on Sundays, but he was always exhausted. My mother told me he was doing important work, saving people's lives. He might as well have been a superhero to me, the way she talked about him made me idolize him. I don't remember exactly when he started changing, I was too young I guess, but I do remember them yelling at each other, him breaking stuff. Mom having bruises, and even back then I realized he was beating her. She told me that when dad started to get mad, I should hide in my closet and not come out until it was quiet. So that's what I did. One night it was really bad, and I was in my closet listening. I couldn't tell you anything they fought about before that night, but I remember what he said then." Eren took a ragged breath. He had not told this story in a long time. Didn't think he'd ever tell it again. Felt the tears leaking out of his eyes, and Eren was glad Levi couldn't see his face. His voice was raw and quiet, and Levi could barely hear him.

"That there was now way I was his kid. Said my mom cheated on him, made him raise somebody else's son as his own. Everything got quiet, and then my mom she... she was _screaming._ I still hear it in my dreams at night. I'll never forget what it sounded like. She said to hide, but my feet were moving on their own. When I got into the kitchen, it was like I was walking through water. Everything in slow motion. Too clear to be real. My dad had a knife and my mom she.... fuck, there was blood everywhere, and he just wouldn't stop. Kept... kept stabbing her over and over and over. She was gone, and I tried to run away. Slipped in her blood. My dad threw me into a wall, put that knife to my throat. Would have killed me, I think, but the cops showed up. Neighbors finally called them, with all the screaming. I remember when he held that blade up to my neck, I wanted him to slit my throat. I couldn't keep her safe. I wanted to die. I thought that if I couldn't protect my mother, if she was dead, why should I still be alive? Then he ran, disappeared. I got moved into a foster home, away from Armin but we stayed in touch. It was the only way by foster families could manage to ever make me happy, so most of them would bring me to see him. I met Mikasa in foster, and we clicked so well that they kept us together. It was more of a pain in the ass when they tried to separate us than it was worth. When I turned eighteen we were already in Stohess, so it was easy to move in with Armin and his grandfather. He was living in a different house here then, but when his grandfather passed away he willed that one to Armin's parents to appease them, since he gave all his money to Armin. It didn't really work, but they were always bastards anyway. So when he died we moved into the house we're at now. Been there ever since." 

Eren grew quiet, and he felt empty somehow. Instead of a weight lifted off his shoulders as he let the words out, something had been pulled from inside him. Something he might have needed, because his heart was stuttering in his chest, blood moving too slowly in his veins. Bones tight in their sockets, and if he moved, Eren thought he might break. Then Levi threw a leg over him, rubbed his nose back and forth over Eren's hair. Slid his hands up and down the brunette's back, and Eren felt warmth spreading into the empty places within himself. Levi turned Eren's head to the side and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you for telling me. I can't even imagine having to go through all that." Levi took a deep breath, but there wasn't enough air in the whole world for what he needed to say. Maybe it was the wrong time to dump this on Eren, when he was reeling inside. Pour more dark memories into his mind. But he'd opened up, told Levi something that broke him into pieces. Made himself vulnerable. Levi was broken into pieces just the same, and it felt like a lie to be silent.

"There's something I should tell you, too."


	17. Of Heaven

"There's something I should tell you, too." Levi's voice sounded lost, and Eren know what he wanted to tell him about. He'd poured out his dark past, let it stain the air between them like ink, and now Levi felt like he had to share his own, too. But the brunet did not want Levi to share it with him, not right then. Not because he felt obligated to do so.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Levi. I want you to tell me, I really do. But I don't want it to be because you feel like you have to. Just because I told you what happened to me doesn't mean you need to do the same thing. I'll listen when you're ready, but it doesn't need to be now." Levi's arms tensed around him, and he realized just how much courage it must have taken for his boss to offer such a thing. "I know it's hard to say. But just... wait. If you still want to tell me tomorrow morning, then I'll be here. Okay?" 

Levi didn't answer, but he nodded, and Eren felt the movement in his hair. Felt guilty now, as though he had placed the importance of his own history over Levi's somehow. Still, he did not want their secrets tugged out by force and circumstance. They lay in the silence of Levi's room, those cool hands sliding up and down his back, threading through his hair, running over his face. Eren had run from his house trying to escape the terror that sought to seize up his lungs, make his hands shake. Ice climbing up his spine while heat rolled through his guts. Still he felt twitchy, stifled. He sighed heavily, frustrated that even the feeling of safety that Levi's presence usually gave him was not enough to chase away the shadows in his mind. Cars passed by outside, the occasional siren or bark of a dog intruding on the silence.

"I feel like I'm suffocating. I know we came here to get away from my house, but it's.... I don't know, not far enough somehow. I feel like I need to go outside and just start running, until my legs give out underneath me." Even if he got to the ocean it still wouldn't be far enough. Eren had the feeling he could swim out to sea, surrounded by rough waters and glittering waves, and his father would still be there with him. Ruining even the solace of isolation, corrupting the beauty of those dark waters. Levi made a noise, almost contemplative, and shifted in place beside him.

"My parents have a cabin in the woods nearby, close to the state park. They go spend weekends there sometimes to get away from the city. It's about an hour drive. I could pack up some clothes, stock up on groceries. It's cloudy here, but it might clear up later. They have a telescope out there, we could go look at the stars. Nothing but miles and miles of forest all around. My phone is set up for mobile wifi, you could bring your computer or whatever. " Eren let the image sink into his mind, trees spreading out as far as the eye could see, the darkness there a natural one. The only sounds crickets and birds, animals creeping through the night. It sounded more perfect than anything had in a long time, and he was nodding his head vigorously. 

"Let's go. I'll let Mikasa and Armin know where I'm going so they don't worry. Let's go _now._ "

Levi pressed a kiss to his hair, untangling himself from Eren with a sigh before going to his closet and pulling out a suitcase. 

.......................................................

The drive seemed to stretch on much longer than just an hour, but it was probably Eren's mind spiraling into itself along with the total lack of conversation, making time drag. His boss had gotten packed up in no time flat, even piling his shampoo and conditioner and toiletries into a bag. They'd stopped by the grocery store and loaded his car up, trunk filled with enough food to last them at least a week. Eren was not sure how long they planned to stay at Levi's cabin, but somehow he knew it would be up to him.

If he wanted to live out the rest of his days hiding from his father in those woods, Levi would probably let him do so with a smile on his face. There was something both comforting and incredibly unsettling about it at the same time. Up until a couple of weeks ago Eren was Levi's employee, nothing more. Now they were lovers.

No, that wasn't quite right. The word _lovers_ was packed with unspoken sexual implications, and all they had done was kiss and cuddle. He had not had sex with Levi, or even anything remotely resembling it. Eren wanted to, even before he'd gotten that letter from his father, but now it felt urgent. He _needed_ Levi, more than ever, needed him to erase everything inside of Eren and replace it with himself. It was not healthy, but that did not stop Eren from wanting it. Felt guilty for desiring it so fiercely, after all Levi had been through. His boss had not gone into details before, and Eren didn't give him a chance to say his piece before, but he knew Levi had been _forced._ Taken against his will somehow. It might be months before he was ready for intimacy, or even longer. Eren did not want Levi to feel pressured in any way, and yet he wanted to feel those hands on his skin. That mouth sliding across his throat, laving over his chest, trailing down his abs. Wanted all of Levi for himself.

Eren was _selfish,_ knew he was, and still could not ease back his desires. They coiled like smoke inside of him, expanding to fill every nook and crevice. Waiting for Eren to crack so they could roil out in waves, overpowering and destructive. Just telling Levi what he wanted could be dangerous, make him feel as though he was obligated in some way, which he was not. Not now, not ever.

Even as he felt a hunger for these, he knew he could wait as long as he had to. Weeks, months, years. As long as they were together. If Levi was never ready, it did not matter. Just waking up next to him, curled up in his arms, was more perfect than Eren could ever have imagined. If that was all he ever got, it would be enough. Eren would be happy with just this, if his boss would put up with him, carried through decades of life in Levi's embrace. Breathing in that clean scent. Feeling those cool hands. Listening to his dark voice. These things were gifts he did not know to ask for, and Eren was grateful to have them. 

It was the ambiguity that bothered him, not knowing what was okay and what wasn't. Where could he touch, what Levi was comfortable with. They had bigger problems at the moment than Eren's ridiculous libido, but it loomed behind them in his mind. He was grateful when Levi finally turned off the rural road they'd been traveling on and down a winding driveway. When he caught sight of the cabin relief rolled through him. It was isolated, wooden beams rustic but somehow welcoming, small enough to be cozy. The rain had finally let up halfway there, and though there were still clouds in the sky it was still only the afternoon. Maybe by the time the sun set they would be gone, because when Levi had mentioned his parents telescope earlier, Eren felt something twist inside him.

The brunet was desperate to lay eyes on the stars, to look at them through those lenses so far from the lights of the city he lived in and see them in their true brightness. Eren was not even sure why he wanted it so badly, until he realized it was another way to avoid his issues.

To look outward into the heavens of this world, instead of inward into the hell that was his mind. 

He sighed heavily, but even if it was running from his problems, Eren didn't care. Levi killed the engine, popping the trunk with a button beside the steering wheel and eying him with a worried look as he threw open his door. 

"You okay?" No, not really. "I mean... fuck, I don't know what I mean. I'm sorry. Of course you're not." Eren shook his head, climbing out and snagging their bags from the backseat.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Just thinking too much, when I should be trying to relax. I'm sorry, too." They came out here so Eren could forget his problems, not dwell of them.

"It's okay. Anyone would be freaked out. It's fine." But it wasn't fine, because Eren knew he had never fixed any of the broken parts of himself. Just shoved them down deeper and deeper, letting them build up on top of one another. Heavier in his gut with every passing day. Turning a blind eye for as long as he could, until it overflowed out of him in grief. Knives and bridges. Evading. Running. One day, he would stop. Look within, dig through the shadows in his chest, and pull them out with shaking hands. Discard those dark pieces of himself. It was better to be empty than broken. Maybe one day soon. But not today.

Today Eren would hide in this cabin in the woods, waiting for the sun the sink down in the sky, hope for it to clear. He would press his eyes to a lens and look towards the skies. Watch gases burn themselves out, the light so old by the time it reached him that the stars themselves could be long dead.

Eren would look up at the ghosts of fire, and ignore those burning inside until they fizzled out or swallowed him whole. All he could hope is that no one close to him was caught in the blaze, skin raw and aching even after his fire was gone.

.....................................................................

The skies did not clear that evening, so Levi started a low fire in the stone pit behind the cabin, grilling chicken and skewers of vegetables for dinner. They sat outside as they ate, Levi coming to sit on the ground between his feet, leaning into his legs, and afterwards Eren finally managed to begin talking though it was about nothing important. Mikasa's school issues, Armin and his grandfather's inheritance. Work, and the customers they both hated, and how so many people treated retail employees like trash. Manga and science fiction novels, new anime they liked. Mindless, and banal, but therapeutic somehow, falling into the familiar rhythm of their conversations. Out there under the dark sky, moon struggling to shine through the cover of clouds, the hours fell away one after another. Eren finally realized how incredibly late it was, and Levi put out the fire and tugged him inside. Once they were in the bedroom his boss removed a plastic cover from the mattress, folding the blankets down before turning towards the brunet, looking uncertain. There was a strange distance between them, and Eren did not like it. Wanted Levi to wrap him up in his arms, press his face into his hair. Breathe him in deep, trace slow patterns in his skin. But his boss just stood there, too far away, face clouded with doubt. Eren furrowed his brows at Levi, sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes.

"What? What is it?" Levi frowned, and something passed over his eyes before he closed the distance that separated them, easing in close between Eren's knees. The dark expression melted off his face, transforming into softness and warmth. He reached up and brushed brown strands out Eren's eyes, tracing a thumb over his lips. Those green eyes sparked under his touch, and the brunet grabbed Levi's hips, holding him in place.

"Is this okay?" Eren nodded in answer. Levi wasn't specific, but he didn't have to be. Eren knew what he meant, what he was after, and wanted it just as much. He grabbed Levi's legs, tugging them up until his boss was straddling his lap, faces so close he could feel the man breathing.

"Is this?" 

Levi nodded back, threading his arms around Eren's neck as he brought their mouths together. It started out soft and slow, tongues lazily twisting against each other. Eren hugged his boss' waist tight as Levi fisted hands in his hair, heat building between them. _This._ This is what Eren needed, Levi's lips and hands and warmth. The little sounds he made as they kissed. The gentle rocking of his hips. More than anything else, it was a balm to the ragged edges of his soul, soothing down shadows that threatened to overtake him. Soon, though, he felt his boyfriend's arousal pressing into his abdomen, Eren's own swelling up in answer to nudge against Levi's ass. Even through their clothes it was overwhelming, and the brunet fought to keep his hips still as they took each others mouths faster.

Then Levi ground down onto his cock, riding it through his jeans, and Eren's head fell back of its own accord as a debauched sound poured from his lips.

"Hnnnggh...." He latched onto Levi's waist, thrusting against him as his boss rolled his hips in erotic circles. Before he could stop himself Eren was sucking at that pale throat, greedy for the taste of it, the smell. The feel of it, soft and smooth under his tongue. Milky and satin and delicious. When Levi made a whimpering noise Eren pulled off, speaking into the wet flesh of his neck. "Sh-should I stop? T-Tell me what's okay Levi..." Levi's hand found the back of his head, shoving Eren's face back into his skin with a moan as he thrust hard into the brunet's groin.

"P-Please don't stop. Keep going. I n-need you to."

The words were like honey in his ears, sweet and thick, and he laved at Levi's throat hungrily, driving against him with renewed vigor. Eren buried one of his hands in those raven locks, sliding the other down to clutch at Levi's ass, fingertips digging in hard. He wasn't sure there wouldn't be bruises there tomorrow, purple marks dusted across the blank canvas of Levi's skin. Knew there would be one under his mouth, dark and possessive, and Eren could not help but be glad. Would smile each time he saw it, euphoria sailing through him. A different kind of euphoria rolled over Eren now, red and hot and full of want. He was already close, Levi wanton and shameless in his lap, moving frantically against him. Tugging at his hair, panting in his ear. Gasping, high and breathy, as he moaned out words that Eren would replay time and time again.

"I'm g-gonna come, Eren." The brunet grasped Levi even tighter, fucking into him with barely restrained violence. Eren was inexperienced, but something had come over him, and suddenly he was growling into Levi's ear in a voice he did not recognize as his own.

"Come for me, Levi."

"Nnnnn!"

Then they were both coming, uncaring of the mess they made as they shot into their clothes, working each other through it as they whined in unison. In that moment he felt invisible threads binding them together, tying him to Levi in an intangible way. No less real, even unseen. Eren seemed to come back to himself first, and he was stroking Levi's hair as his boss heaved rough breaths in and out of empty lungs. He should probably be embarrassed, dry humping his older boyfriend like a fucking teenager, but he couldn't find anything like shame inside. Only blissful exhaustion rolling in like the tide, stronger and stronger with each passing moment, and an unexpected sense of relief. Eren could be with Levi like this, physically, in at least some small way. So much faster than he'd dared to hope, but maybe Levi was just like him.

Maybe he had waited long enough for something to feel right. Just one thing, in an ocean of bleakness. 

They took turns cleaning up half heartedly in the bathroom sink, changing into fresh boxers but not bothering with pajamas. Nothing had ever felt as right as falling into bed with Levi, so much naked skin pressing into his own. Warm, and soft, and alive.

Even if the heavens were obscured by dark clouds, the stars still shined behind them. And when they cleared from the night skies, he would look up at them with Levi.


	18. Leap

"I don't think I've ever been in the woods like this before." Levi cut his eyes over at Eren, and when the brunet caught the disbelieving stare he cocked his head to the side. "What? Is that weird?" They were moving down a path that wound through the forest behind Levi's cabin, curving and rambling, surrounded on both sides by dense vegetation. The trees were packed so close together someone would be hard pressed to move in between them, and the grey skies overhead gave everything an ominous feel.

"I don't know, you just seem sort of... woodsy. Like one of those kids who was raised by wolves." Eren shoved at him, hard enough that he stumbled, but Levi kept his feet, grinning. The air around Eren had been charged when they woke up painfully early, a kind of thickness to it that Levi could not breach. Anticipation, but of what, he wasn't sure. So they'd eaten, and after watching the brat stare silently out the windows for a couple of hours he suggested they go for a walk. There were a few other cabins out here, and running into someone else was fairly unlikely. Just Levi and Eren, and the wind blowing through the trees. Clouds in the sky that seemed lower than normal, pressing down against the earth, trying to swallow it.

"I've always lived in the city. I've been to parks and stuff, and one of my foster families sent me to summer camp once, but it wasn't like this. These woods seem... more real, or something. Untamed." Levi couldn't really argue the point, stepping carefully around roots and fallen branches, large rocks periodically jutting out of the ground. The state park was nearby, and no real housing developments or businesses encroached anywhere. It was sort of primal, which was why Levi's parents bought the cabin in the first place. He'd always felt at peace in those trees, and if Eren could find some of that same peace, it would be worth the trip.

In that moment, though, he did not seem relaxed. More like he was waiting for those clouds to break loose and drown him, wash them away into nothingness. They picked their way over the trail in silence until it came to a fork, and Levi directed the brunet down the smaller pathway. It was rougher, but not abandoned in the way that some of the trails out there were, and as it narrowed the pair was forced to walk single file. 

"Are we heading somewhere in particular? Or is this just like, communing with nature, or some shit? Because nature is starting to hurt my feet, if I'm being honest." Levi grinned, shaking his head as he continued in front of the brat. He had a destination in mind, but they would be there soon, and words didn't really do it justice. It was not breathtaking, or life changing, but it was impressive. If it did not pull Eren out of his funk, at least slightly, then nothing would.

Not even Levi.

"We're almost there."

Less than ten minutes later they emerged at the end of the trail, and Eren looked around with eyes that were careful, as though he did not want to miss anything. There was a large pond in the clearing, fed by a small creek at one end. Two sides of the pond were piled high with rocks, making it inaccessible from anywhere besides the trail they'd come down. It was clear, and big enough that swimming across its length would be exhausting. Levi remembered fishing here with mother, feet hanging off the end of the dock. His father nowhere to be seen, back at the cabin, nose buried in a book. Levi had not thought to bring any bait, nor did he know if Eren even liked fishing, but it was beautiful enough all on its own. They did not need to _do_ anything here. Eren seemed to think so, too, glancing at the crystal waters with a small grin playing at his lips.

"It's very pretty, Levi." The brunet looked wistful, maybe a little nostalgic.

"When's the last time you went swimming?" He cut his eyes at Levi, and even though he did not reply, the answer was written in them clearly. The last time this boy had been in the water he'd leapt into it off a bridge, and Levi regretted asking. Eren's feet carried him forward, shoes making hollow noises on the planks of the dock as he moved towards its end. Levi followed after him, taking in the smooth surface of the pond and the stones and the trees all around for the first time in years. He'd missed it without realizing, like a hunger that only appeared once food was in sight.

A lust that slept until it was awakened by russet locks and green eyes and skin Levi wanted to bite into...

He shoved down those thoughts, unwilling to let them take over. Eren was still quiet, toes at the edge of the dock, gazing around and chewing on his lip. Levi could sense just how... _heavy_ he felt. Weight pressing down on him. Pulling the air from his lungs. Snatching the smile from his face.

"I used to come here with my Mom. She'll be happy that I brought you." There was no point in avoiding the subject of Levi's parents. Eren's own were fresh in his mind, anyway. If anything maybe it would distract the kid. Levi was floundering blindly. He did not know what to do, what to say, how to act. What to feel.

How to feel it, without being selfish. Eren was hurting. Reliving dark memories he'd spent his whole life trying to escape. Facing down not only a horrific part of his past, but very real danger. Who knew what his father was capable of?

A man who'd taken a life as his child looked on could do anything. The life of his mother, no less. Levi wanted to lock this boy away. Protect him. Keep him safe.

But he also wanted to lay Eren bare underneath him. Chase those shadows out of his eyes and replace them with need. Levi wanted to watch him shiver and quake, no thoughts in Eren's mind that weren't of him. He wanted to be all there was, if only for a moment.

 _Selfish._ He could not even bring himself to break the silence, unsure of what he would say. Eren was staring at the smooth surface of the water for a long time before he toed off his shoes, shoving his socks inside them and sitting on the end of the dock. He rolled up his jeans, putting his feet in the cool water, and Levi sat down next to him. Cross legged, shoes on. It was too cold to dip his toes in the water, though Eren did not seem to mind. Levi felt the bite just looking at it. Eren's voice was low as he spoke, eyes locked on the horizon.

"That day I asked you out? I was going to take those pills before my shift. I thought about calling in sick first, just so you guys wouldn't worry, but I couldn't make my fingers dial the number. Maybe I knew in the back of my mind that I really wouldn't go through with it, I don't know." Levi stayed silent. The air between them felt like glass, and if Levi spoke he would shatter it into pieces. "I had them in my hand. Held them there so long they started to get soft. Chalky in my palm. I was ready to down them, and then I thought of you. I've failed at a lot of things in my life, but I always _tried_ first, you know? Tried _hard,_ over and over. I realized even though I really wanted you, I'd never even considered going for it. Asking you out. It seemed ridiculous. But then I thought, what do I have to lose? I'll be fucking dead anyway, one way or the other. Might as well try, right?"

 _Oh, God._ Levi felt nauseated as the implications of what Eren said really sank in. He'd been so prepared to tell the brunet no that day, to push him away in spite of how much he wanted the kid. To spare Eren's feelings, or so Levi had thought. 

Driving him closer to the edge, the residue of poison still itching on Eren's hands. If he'd said no, would the kid have gone through with it? Been missing from work for days before someone called him to deliver the news, and Levi would've been fucking _broken._ He was starting to feel dizzy, and he did not realize Eren had taken his hand until the brunet squeezed it. Still looking away, eyes on the sky.

"I know what you're thinking. It wouldn't have been your fault. I'm... I'm sick. I'm not stupid, I know that. I think I was just grasping at straws. Trying to find something, anything to hold on to, and this time it happened to be you. Not that what I feel for you isn't real, don't get me wrong. I care about you a lot Levi. When... when I look at it objectively, when I'm _capable_ of being objective, I know that I don't really want to die. But in those moments, it feels like the whole world is crashing down around me. Even if nothing bad is happening, life is just... a weight on my lungs. Breathing hurts, and sometimes I couldn't even tell you why. Taking in air, feeling my heart beat, knowing that the sun is going to set and rise and set again... just the thought of enduring it is exhausting. A fucking impossibility." 

Levi could feel the pressure of the future right then, just as Eren described it. Putting stones in his gut, ropes around his chest. He pulled the kid's hand into his lap, wrapping it up in both of his own. Held it tight enough to hurt, but the brunet did not complain. Eren continued, and Levi closed his eyes against the words.

"It felt inevitable. Like it's just a matter of time before I actually do it. As though struggling against it is pointless. I expected all this stuff with my Dad to make it worse, and it did at first. But now it's almost like... I don't want to give him anything else. He took everything, and if I give in now... I don't know, he wins somehow. I don't want to let him take this. Take me." 

He fell silent, and Levi wanted to take Eren into his arms. Stroke his hair, hold him tight. But he could not hold this boy all the time, could not be there every moment, no matter how much he wanted to. At some point Levi's embrace would be gone, if only temporarily, nothing but the ghost of his touch. He found himself speaking instead, holding the brunet's hand up against his chest where it ached, wishing he could engrave his words on Eren's thoughts. Tattoo them into his skin. Burn them into his soul. Words that terrified him.

They weren't as frightening as the thought of a world without Eren in it, and they fell from his mouth tasting like rain.

"I think I love you, Eren." Levi didn't know for sure. Is this what it felt like? It was frightening in its intensity. Taking over all he was, leaving nothing but this boy behind.

Levi heard Eren's breathing hitch. Felt his grip go tight, fingers clutching at Levi's hand. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Eren turn towards him, but Levi could not meet that gaze. He didn't really expect to hear the words back, so he was not surprised at the silence.

He was surprised when Eren pulled away, standing up on the end of the dock. Water dripped down his legs, puddling on the ancient wood next to Levi, and when he finally managed to look at Eren he was stripping. Tossing his shirt down, unbuckling his pants. Levi frowned as the brunet stepped out of his jeans, brows furrowing.

"Eren, what-"

Eren was not listening. Was leaping forward instead, and for the barest of moments it seemed as though he was frozen mid air. Rays of light played through his hair, a thousand coppery shades glowing in the sun. The muscles of his back flexed as he fell towards the water, limbs flying out, graceless and untamed. Wild, just as these woods were wild. Savage and beautiful and so fucking _free._ He was turned just slightly, and Levi could see those gemstone eyes were closed. Eren was smiling, and he'd never seen the kid smile like that before. It was not wide or bright. There were no teeth in it, no dimples. It did not reach his eyes.

But it was euphoric in a way that made Levi's heart stutter, and he found himself clutching at it with desperate fingers. The last time Eren had jumped into the water, he'd wanted to die.

This time, he wanted to live, and Levi trembled at the thought.

When he hit the water it splashed everywhere, some of it misting against Levi's face. When Eren surfaced, Levi could feel himself smiling. A stupid smile, and he was not ashamed. The brunet was treading water, moving sinuously, and then he lifted his hands up and beckoned at Levi. Begging with his eyes, grinning wide, and there were so many reasons he should not do this.

The water was fucking freezing. Levi could feel it on his skin, icy with the last lingering fragments of winter. They did not have any towels with them, or extra clothes and the hike back to the cabin was a long one. This was not a private pond, though Levi doubted anyone would be around today.

He was on his feet in an instant, ditching his clothes like they were on fire. Dressed in nothing but his boxers in seconds flat. Running the last few feet down the dock. He felt the wood disappear beneath him as he soared forward, not a trace of hesitation.

Sometimes all the reasons why did not matter. You just had to fucking _jump,_ and everything else fell away as Levi did just that.

The water was a visceral thing as it swallowed him whole, sucking out his breath, making his toes curl. Levi's jaw clenched at the cold, but then as he surfaced Eren was there. Wrapping Levi up in warm arms and dragging him towards the shallows. He blinked the pond water out of his eyes, letting himself be pulled, holding onto Eren with icy fingers. The brunet stopped, feet on the sandy floor of the pond, but when Levi tried to find his own footing he found he could not reach. He floundered awkwardly for a moment before Eren grabbed his thighs, pulling them around his waist, and then Levi was clinging to him. Looking into those bright eyes, he did not feel the cold. Just Eren's hands on his back, and his chest on Levi's own. Eren was so fucking _warm,_ and beautiful, and strong, and those russet locks were matted against his face, and his skin was shining in the sun, and-

"I think I love you, too." Oh, fuck.

Levi made a whimpering sound, and then Eren's mouth was on his. Hotter than the rest of him somehow, impossibly so, and he tangled his hands in Eren's wet hair as their lips slid together. Levi opened his mouth, Eren licking his way into it, the brunet making little mewling noises as they gasped against each other. Breathing the same air, feeling one another's warmth. Levi rocked himself forward, eliciting the prettiest fucking sound from Eren that he'd ever heard in his life. Those big hands were on Levi's hips then, digging in viciously, one of them reaching between them to palm at his arousal. He shoved into Eren's touch, head falling backwards on a moan.

"You're gonna scare all the fish away, mister Ackerman." They both jolted, breaking apart as a voice from the shore drew their eyes. An old man stood there, fishing gear in hand, and it took a few minutes for Levi to put together who it was.

"Ah... Hi there, Mr. Pixis. It's... errr, been awhile." The man smiled, obviously enjoying their embarrassment.

"Yes it has. I trust your parents are well. You boys care if I cast off, or should I give you a few minutes?" 

"No, we'll... be going now. It's nice to see you, sir." He tipped his hat, still grinning.

"Pleasure's all mine."

Levi and Eren swam back to the dock, dragging themselves from the frigid waters, painfully aware of the eyes on them. They tugged on their clothes, and Levi cringed at the cold, and how his shirt clung to his body. He was scowling, shivering, but then Eren laced their fingers together. Grinned, eyes dancing, biting that lip of his.

"Let's go home." Levi could not help but smile back.

They ran back to the cabin like they were being chased, but there were no demons after them. No memories, no heartache.

Just hope, and want, and the promise of fever.


	19. Triumphant

They were both breathless by the time they got back to the cabin, soaked to the bone and shivering with cold. There was a moment of uncertainty, both of them standing there staring at one another with pink cheeks and trembling fingers, before Levi took Eren by the hand and led him into the bathroom. Even through the rawness in his lungs from running so far and the chill of his wet clothes, Eren could still feel Levi's words in his ears.

_I think I love you, Eren._

There was a smile on his lips again, Levi standing in front of him, fingers laced with his own in a way that made Eren feel warm in spite of everything. The air was thick with anticipation, so heavy Eren felt like he could taste it. His boss hesitated next to the tub, letting his eyes dart between Eren and the shower, biting at his lip. Nervous. The brunet felt Levi's cool hands edge underneath his shirt, only his fingertips there, brushing over Eren's skin tentatively. He wanted to shove into Levi's touch like a cat being stroked, but his boss looked spooked, ready to run. Afraid, even as he initiated things. Eren brushed wet black strands out of Levi's eyes, coaxing them up to meet his own. Holding his stare, looking at Levi with all the love he felt written across his face. He ran a thumb back and forth over one pale cheekbone, watching it flush even brighter underneath his attentions. It had been Levi who brought them into the bathroom, eying the shower as though he was aching to get them into it, but now he looked lost.

"What's the matter, Levi?" Levi dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment, easing his hands further into Eren's clothes, stepping forward until they were pressed against each other.

"I-Is this okay?" The brunet furrowed his brows, unsure exactly what Levi was referring to, specifically. Not that it mattered. He pressed their foreheads together, noses bumping, eyes closed.

"Everything's okay with me, as long as it's okay with you. You want to shower together?" Eren felt Levi nod, and he couldn't stop his grin from shooting wider. "That's fine with me, if that's what you want to do. I'd like that." _Like_ was an understatement. Eren had wanted to get Levi naked and into a shower for ages now. Watch the water cascade over him, slick and sliding against each other. Just the idea had him quaking in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. He pulled back to see Levi looking wide eyed, just before he started to stutter over his words.

"I don't m-mean we should- just... we're covered in pond water, a-and it's faster if we both... if--" Eren put both of his thumbs over Levi's mouth now, silencing him, fingers splayed out gently across his face. His boss looked terrified, and Eren could feel his lips quivering just slightly.

"Levi. We don't have to... _do_ anything. We can just get clean together. Or you can go first, and then I'll take mine next, if that's easier. It's up to you." Something flashed in Levi's eyes and he shook his head, determination swelling up where fear had been. He peeled Eren's shirt off, his own following suit, fabric smacking wetly into the tile as they were discarded.

"N-no. I want... together. Both of us." They had both kicked their shoes and socks off at the entrance of the cabin, and now Levi's hands worked Eren's belt loose, fumbling awkwardly over the buttons and zipper. It was strange to see Levi this way, so unsure of himself, no trace of the confidence that usually bled into everything he did. As though he was a different person entirely, someone younger and smaller and full off all the doubts that Eren hadn't known were there before. Eren felt worry itching at the edges of his mind, and he covered Levi's hands with his own, stilling them.

"Are you _sure_ this is okay? There is no rush-" Those unsteady fingers clenched brutally in the fabric of Eren's pants, and Levi pressed his forehead into the brunet's chest.

" _Please._ Just... I need to do this. With you." There was a ferocity in his voice that Eren could not deny, and he ran his hands up and down Levi's back, trying to soothe some of the tension out of the muscles there. They had come together the previous night with no trace of this nervousness, this fear. Eren was not sure why it was different this time. Then his belt buckle made a metallic sound when Levi tugged his pants and boxers down, and as the air brushed over his skin, the difference became obvious.

 _Clothes._ They'd been fully dressed the night before, even if they'd slept in nothing but boxers afterwards. Now there would be no layers of fabric between them, laid bare for one another's eyes. Eren had never been naked in front of another person like this, either. His few sexual forays had been nothing more than drunken high school hand jobs, reaching down into each others clothes without actually laying eyes on the parts he was touching. Sloppy and meaningless and irrelevant, all things considered. Any trace of shyness he would have felt at this somewhat frightening development was buried beneath his concern for Levi. He made no move to take off his boss' jeans, just kept sliding his hands over Levi's skin. Up his spine, across his shoulders, down his sides. Pressed soft kisses into Levi's throat, licking at pale white flesh, trying to draw up heat where all that reticence was. Eren knew he was succeeding when Levi pressed into him, muscles going slack under the brunet's hands, a whimpering noise falling from his lips.

Levi's fingers clutched at Eren's hips, digging in viciously, as though he was grounding himself there with the touch. When Eren started to undo Levi's pants, he did not tense or freeze in place. Turned his hips to the side instead, giving the brunet more room to work with, and Eren couldn't fight back a smile. 

He kissed Levi then, nuzzling down to find those lips and taking them with his own. Eren sucked at Levi's perfect mouth, licking his way into it as he took off the rest of his boyfriend's clothes. Levi did not seem to even notice his nudity at first, fingers burying themselves in Eren's hair, mewling against his lips. Then their bodies melded into each other, arousals nudging together, Levi's crown brushing against the base of Eren's shaft. The brunet waited for him to pull back, to go stiff. To react badly to such closeness. With all his uncertainty before, Eren was not sure Levi was really ready for this. The last thing he wanted to do was to rush things, especially considering what his boyfriend had gone through, however unsure he was of the details. 

Levi shuddered all over at the sensation, rutting into Eren as his mouth began to move even faster. Desperately, full of need, and it was Eren who eventually pulled back instead. Levi chased after his lips, mouthing against the brunet's cheek and jaw when he turned his face away to work the knobs of the shower.

"Hold on, just let me get the water going." 

Levi did not hold on, continuing his merciless assault of Eren's neck, biting his collarbones, sucking his chest. The brunet laughed, trying to hold Levi back to no avail. It took longer than it should have to adjust the temperature, mind going blank as his boss tried to swallow him whole. Lips slick on his skin, wet and wanton. Once it was hot enough to get them warm without scalding the pair, Eren shoved Levi under the spray, tripping over the side of the tub as he followed eagerly. Eren needed his hands on Levi, his mouth, his skin. Needed to feel him all over, listen to those breathy little noises Levi made. Wanted to taste them. He had Levi pressed into the wall before he realized what he was doing, chest heaving with want and heat and urgency, until awareness dawned. He was caging Levi into the tile with his arms, hips pressed in tight, giving his boss no room to move. Eren jerked himself backwards, only stopped from falling out of the shower by Levi's hand gripping his arm. _Fuck,_ even in the midst of things he should know better than to pin Levi that way, to hold him against the wall, to-

"What's wrong?" Levi looked confused, eying Eren warily. 

"I- I'm sorry. I shoved you into the wall, I-I didn't mean... I shouldn't have-" Levi tugged Eren back against his body, eyes falling closed for a moment as their hips ground together.

"It's fine. Just-" He hesitated, biting his lip, looking at the ground. "Just don't hold my wrists down, but like this is fine. It's...." Levi sighed, visibly struggling with himself before meeting Eren's eyes. "I know it's you. It's okay if it's you." Eren felt his eyes starting to sting, and he blinked fast, holding back the emotion that wanted to spill over. _It's okay if it's you._ The water poured down over his back, steam rising in the air around them, but it was nothing compared to the heat surging through Eren right then. 

_I think I love you._

_I need you._

_It's okay if it's you._

His legs were weak, and he couldn't breathe, and something inside of Eren was suddenly broken in a beautiful way. He wanted to fall down on his knees and take Levi into his mouth, but they hadn't gotten their STI results back from the doctor. Even though Eren was sure he was clean, it didn't matter. So the brunet closed his palm around Levi's cock instead, reveling in the way his mouth dropped open, eyes falling closed. Eren slid his hand down slowly, stroking with infinite care, listening to Levi whine with ears that were starved for the sound.

"E-Eren... nnngh...." The brunet kissed the tender skin beneath Levi's ears, whispering into it, voice low.

"Levi..." Eren pulled back to look at him, his brows drawn together, cheeks flushed red and hot. Wet hair fell over his eyes, jaw trembling as Eren worked him faster. He was breathtaking. A work of art rendered in flesh. Pale skin and pink lips, his hair so black in the water, it almost looked blue. Muscles tensing now, fingers clutching blindly at Eren's shoulders as he drew closer to the edge. "You're so pretty, Levi." Those eyes wrenched shut even tighter, and he could tell Levi was trying to scowl. Trying and failing, shivering under waves of lust.

"Sh-shut... uunnnnfff...." The complaint shifted into a moan as Eren thumbed over his leaking slit, the brunet's free hand slipping down to palm Levi's sack. His head fell forward onto Eren's shoulder, and now he was holding Levi up. Not that he minded. He'd rendered Levi speechless, incapable of anything but reedy noises and breathless gasping. Unable to stand on his own, unable to think, and soon Levi was begging. "P-please... fffuck, Eren, please...."

"Shhhhh, it's okay, just let go." He moved his hand faster, tightening his grip on Levi's arousal. Eren felt him begin to tense further, choking sounds panted out of his mouth. And when Levi came over his fingers, biting out Eren's name through bared teeth, shivering with the aftershocks of his orgasm....

Eren had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. No brilliant sunsets pained in red and orange, no still ponds nestled in untamed woods, no cityscapes unrolling around towering skyscrapers could ever compare. Levi was _radiant._ It stole the air from his lungs, the words from his mouth, the thoughts from his mind. 

The brunet nuzzled into his hair, nosing through the wet strands, kissing his forehead, his lips, his cheeks. He wanted to drown Levi in affection, smother him with it until he could feel nothing but _loved._ Just as he'd made Eren feel, even as lost in darkness as he'd been that morning. Levi broke open cloudy skies to let sun shine down into him. Lit the shadows of Eren's mind up with daylight. Chased away the gloom, leaving himself behind in its wake.

Then Levi opened up those steely eyes of his, still hazy with lingering euphoria but triumphant somehow. As though he'd won a battle, defeated an enemy, stood victorious against his foes. He wrapped a hand around Eren's length, looking mischievous and sultry. Eren had not noticed just how hard he was until that moment, throbbing and leaking and ready to fucking _explode._ Levi's lips curled up into a smile, and when he sucked the bottom one between those white teeth, pupils blown wide, Eren thought he might die.

"Now you."

 _God,_ he thought. _Please._

...........................

 

They were curled up in Levi's bed a few hours later, wearing nothing but boxers again, nestled underneath the covers. Not sleeping, not even trying to, really. Just spooning together, Levi insisting on being the big spoon despite his size, and Eren was happy to oblige. Tucked his back snug into Levi's chest with a grin, playing with the hands that wrapped around him. Toying with Levi's fingers, tracing patterns in the skin of his arms. The silence was perfect, but Eren could not stop himself from thinking of Levi's hesitance earlier. Wanted to ask, but did not know what to say. Levi knew about his past, how his father shattered all that he was, leaving him broken.

 _Who broke_ you, _Levi?_ He must have noticed Eren tense up, his hands stilling, his breathing change. Something. Levi was nothing if not perceptive.

"What is it?" The brunet did not want to break the fragile peace they lingered in, the warm aftermath of adoration, but he was never good at keeping quiet.

"You wanted to tell me something before, and I stopped you. But if you still want to now, I'll listen." Levi said nothing, burying his face in Eren's hair, arms going tight around him. "You don't have to, it's just... with what happened earlier, I... you were a little off for a bit there. Got me worried." Eren felt Levi sigh into him, breath hot near his ear. Heaviness in those limbs that curled around him, clinging suddenly where they had only been resting before.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out." The brunet shrugged, shaking his head back and forth.

"Don't be sorry. Not freaked out. Worried. I didn't want you to feel pressured. Seemed like you were forcing yourself. I don't want that." Eren wished he didn't sound so breathless, as though his voice was ready to break over the words. Wanted to be sound strong, like someone who could bear Levi's burdens with him.

Levi was certainly bearing Eren's, the darkness of his past now pressing down on both of them. The brunet could do this for him. If nothing else in this life, he needed Levi to rely on him.

To trust Eren could stand under the weight of his scars. That he could ease down past those places that ached with hands that were too hot and make Levi whole. Eren did not realize he was holding his breath until Levi started to speak and it all came out in a rush.

"I was forcing myself, at first. But I wanted to. Not for you, for me. It's just the first time I've been... _with_ someone, that way, since then." Fuck, Eren knew how hard it must be for Levi to talk about this. He'd told his own story a few times, parts of it at least, enduring the misery that came with revelation. The looks of sympathy, well intended though they were, making it all worse somehow. The only time it had not been totally miserable was when he'd told their friend Annie about his wrists. She'd listened with cold indifference, only her eyes betraying any emotion. When he finished, she patted him on the shoulder as she walked away.

 _That fucking sucks,_ she'd said, and he hadn't seen her again until the next day when she told him to call her if he ever needed to talk. Eren had never been so grateful to a friend as he was in that moment. Knew that this moment with Levi would not go so smoothly, no matter how much he wished it would.

"When was 'then'?" He fought the urge to fidget in Levi's arms, as though being still and silent would soothe the words from him.

"Three years ago. I dated a guy for around year, and we had a pretty ugly break-up. We'd already been split up for month or so, hadn't heard anything out of him, and then he shows up at my place drunk. Or, I thought he was drunk, anyway. Begging for a chance to apologize, and he seemed so trashed I didn't really want to let him get back in his car. I figured he'd pass out on my couch, then I'd send him on his way in the morning. He made me a drink, and I just... drank it without thinking. It's not as though I was at a bar taking a glass from a stranger, right? It was my own booze, in my own fucking house." Levi sighed again, sounding forlorn, but resigned. "He put something in it. Wasn't drunk at all, really. Just smelled like it, acted like it but.... shit, he was sober. I wasn't though, not for long. I don't know what he gave me, precisely, but I was pretty fucked up. Fast, too. I don't remember everything after that, but I remember enough. Bits and pieces. Being held down, some of the shit he said while he.... damn. How much it hurt. I remember crying, and begging him to stop. I woke up the next day and he was long gone. He'd stolen a bunch of jewelry from my house. Family heirlooms, some cash, a few bottles of expensive wine. But I think that was all an afterthought, not why he did it. He just wanted to hurt me. There was no other reason." 

The words were on Eren's tongue, and they would've come out if he had not physically bitten down on them. _I'm sorry._ He'd heard them enough times to know how useless they were. A million questions surged up on their heels, ready to climb up his throat and spill out. _Who was he, did he go to jail, is he still there now?_ Those and many others, itching in his mouth, desperate to be spoken, along with a desperate need for vengeance. To hurt this person in some way, for what he'd done to Levi. But it was not time for that, not yet, and he held back. Said the only thing that came to mind then, hoping the sincerity came through his words.

"Thank you for telling me." Levi nodded, fingers gripping Eren's hands so tight it was painful, and the brunet wondered when he'd put them there. "Just, make sure you tell me if I do something wrong, okay? Anything you don't like, no matter how small it is."

"I will." He sounded like me meant it, but Eren needed to be sure, needed to feel like Levi would stick to his word. Even if it was meaningless, as so many promises were.

"Promise me." The brunet thought he heard Levi _laugh_ then, dark and low.

"Okay. I promise. I... I was wrong earlier. About what I said." Eren was confused. They'd said a lot, all of it important in some way.

"What did you say?"

"That I thought I loved you. I don't 'think'. I.... I just love you." Eren could feel the words on his skin, through his veins, in his mouth. Etching themselves into his very being, and when he answered Levi, he was smiling.

"I love you too, Levi."

They didn't talk anymore, or move from where they were twisted up together. Just let the weight of those words settle over them, making them lighter instead of heavier. The sky was clearing outside the windows, clouds starting to part and let the sun shine through.

Eren hoped they were gone by nightfall. All those stars would be beautiful in Levi's eyes. The heavens made even more glorious reflected in his gaze, and Eren couldn't wait to see.


	20. Patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon that Levi is the most pathetic, whining ass sick boy on the face of the earth. Just totally miserable, needy and pitiful.

They'd stayed outside long into the night on Thursday after finally dragging themselves out of the cocoon of the cabin's bed. Levi's throat was sore, had already been itching a bit that morning when they woke up, but jumping into a spring-cold pond didn't do him any favors. It had been worth it, though, and it was easy to ignore under the blanket of stars, Eren leaning against him with the telescope set up on the ground nearby. Those green eyes intermittently glued to the lens, swiveling the long black tube back and forth as he took in the heavens through layers of glass. Eren seemed calmed by them, and Levi wished the city was dark enough for stargazing. He wanted to give this kid the whole sky every night, all the universe just for Eren. After awhile Levi went inside and got a comforter to wrap around them, and they lingered in the darkness with galaxies playing out around them up above. Eventually the cold became a visceral thing for Levi, and though Eren didn't seem to be bothered by it, he noticed his boss shivering. Pink cheeks, runny nose, and the brunet insisted they pack it in and go to sleep. It was well after midnight, anyway, and they'd already discussed heading back home the next day. Eren said he couldn't run from his problems forever, and that he felt sort of stupid for trying, all things considered. Just because his father knew where he lived did not mean he would be coming there. The letter had arrived with foreign postmarks, and in all likelihood Grisha was not only countries but continents away. Why he would decide to send Eren a card all of a sudden was troubling, but Levi did need to get back to work, to check on Hange if nothing else.

He let Eren shepherd him inside, and they crawled into bed together, wrapped up in each other as though they'd been sleeping together a handful of years instead of a handful of days. It was disturbingly comfortable to Levi, wrapping his arms around Eren, that brown hair spilling out over his chest. Just a few night together and it already felt like home. Levi knew it would be hard to go back to his apartment alone, emptier without the brunet there, Eren's presence taking up so much space even when he was still and silent. They'd been together less than a month, it was far too soon for him to ask the kid to move in with him, but a part of Levi wanted to anyway. It was too soon for him to feel so strongly about Eren, too, but his feelings were there all the same. Still, Levi didn't think it would be that easy for Eren to just up and leave his siblings. Armin was his brother as much as Mikasa was his sister, and they were obviously close with each other. 

Levi would even live in that piece of shit house with the three of them if he had to, as long as it meant waking up to Eren nuzzled in close.

He didn't mention any of this, and even through the ache in his throat and the swelling sensation in his sinuses, Levi felt happier than he had in ages. Eren was going through serious issues with his father, which Levi hated, and he himself had dredged up parts of the past better left alone. In spite of all that, he found himself smiling into Eren's hair, listening to the kid snore. Instead of feeling weaker as he normally did when he told someone what had happened to him, Levi felt stronger. Lighter. All of those dark memories fell away, and though intimacy might be tricky at first if that day had been any indication, for the first time in forever, Levi _wanted_ more than he _feared._ He hoped he could give Eren the kind of strength he now had swimming through him. Levi could do anything with that kid in his arms, and he wanted Eren to feel the same. To be that strength for him, in some small way.

Levi never wanted him to be alone again, lost in depression, unwilling to turn to his family for fear of being a burden. Falling in love did not magically cure mental illness. There was no button to turn off depression, or post-traumatic stress. But knowing there was someone who loved you unconditionally, of their own volition, without history or blood between you...

It was a powerful thing, and Levi needed Eren to understand just how much he felt for him. Didn't know how to convey it, not with words anyway. Levi held on tighter, squeezing Eren close as though he could keep him there forever, safe in his embrace. No more rooftops for this boy. No more pills, or blades, or bridges. Never again.

Not if Levi could help it.

........................................................

When Eren pulled himself back to consciousness, it was to the sound of a low whine coming from underneath the blankets next to him. Morning light filtered in through the windows, and he pulled back the corner of the comforter to reveal Levi. Still groaning, nose scrunched up in a grimace. His eyes were red and puffy with dark shadows underneath them, nose shining where it had been running all night. Levi's hands were fisted in his hair, and he let out a ragged cough before turning his head to the side. He squinted over at Eren, lips pulled back in a miserable snarl, and the brunet wanted to laugh. Literally snot nosed, and Levi was still cute as hell. Fuck, there was no justice.

"Ereeeeen." Levi threw himself at the brunet, burying his face in Eren's chest, and even when the brunet felt the slickness of his boss's sweat soaked face on his skin, he could not make himself care. Brushed damp black strands out of Levi's eyes, kissing the dark locks softly.

"Levi. You look like you don't feel that great." He shook his head wordlessly, coughing into Eren's skin, trying to snuggle in deeper. "You sick?" Levi nodded, a pitiful animal noise coming from his throat. _Oh God,_ Eren thought. Levi was one of those. A whiny, needy sick person, clinging and helpless. He found himself smiling wide, stroking Levi's hair, rubbing circles on his back with his other hand. "You need some medicine? Is it your throat, or...?" Levi shook his head like a dog, leaving it pressed into Eren's chest, and the words came out muffled and gravelly.

"My throat was sore yesterday morning, but it's worse now. Hurts to swallow. Sinuses are all fucked up. I feel dead. I'm dead, Eren. Bury me in the backyard." His diatribe was cut off with another ragged cough, and Eren had to fight back a laugh at his dramatics.

"Your mom's a doctor, I'm guessing there's medicine here somewhere. Sudafed? Cough syrup? Where is it at? Medicine cabinet?" 

"Cupboard in the kitchen, to the right of the sink, top shelf." Eren moved to go get Levi some water and drugs, only to find him holding on for dear life. Clutching at him, face twisted in a scowl. Eren did laugh then, petting his head softly.

"I have to get up to get you medicine."

"Nnnn-nnnn." Eren leaned down, spine bending at an awkward angle as he kissed Levi's forehead.

"Let me go. I'll be right back." Levi threw himself theatrically back into the pillows, covering his face up with one and groaning.

"I hate being sick. Goddamnit." Obviously.

"I can tell. Hold on a minute."

Eren snagged his phone, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth and relieve himself before going into the kitchen. He sent a text to Kuchel, hoping she had some insight of how to make Levi feel better. They messaged each other fairly often, idle chat, musing about her son. He'd gotten quite a few embarrassing childhood photos that Levi knew nothing about, and Eren planned on keeping it that way. Little toddler Levi in mismatched clothes with an oversized cowboy hat and his father's boots was too cute to put in jeopardy. Some things were better left unsaid.

**Eren: Levi's sick. Cough, sore throat. Any suggestions?**

He dug out a couple of sinus tablets from the cupboard, along with a half full plastic dosing cup of cough syrup. A bottle of water for the pills, a cup with some orange juice to wash away the taste of medicinal cherry. His phone buzzed, Kuchel responding almost instantly, which meant she was not at work.

**Kuchel: Oh, fuck. Run. Hide. Levi's a terrible patient. I'm so sorry, love. You're in for it now.**

Another couple of texts came in as he was reading it, popping up beneath the first.

**Kuchel: In all seriousness though, just bear with it, I guess. He's the whiniest sick person I've ever seen. I'll send you a recipe for chicken soup. Make him take a hot bath while you cook it. It'll shut him up for a little while, at least.**  
**Kuchel: Also, tea. No sugar, no milk, just the nastiest black tea you can imagine, but slip some honey in. If you ask, he'll say it's disgusting, but he'll never actually notice it in there and it'll help his throat.**

Eren grinned, firing off a quick thanks before heading back into the bedroom. He bypassed Levi entirely, setting the meds and drinks down on the bedside table before going to the bathroom and starting the water for his bath. Once it was hot enough, the tub filling up rapidly, he went back to the bed to find Levi scowling at the cough syrup. The sinus tablets were already gone, vanished down his throat, but he held the little cup full of liquid as though it was poisonous. 

"Are you a toddler? Take your cough medicine." Levi shot Eren a glare, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the dark red fluid.

"It tastes like cherry asshole." Eren rolled his eyes, holding out Levi's orange juice chaser with a sympathetic smile.

"Take it, and I'll make you some tea while you take a hot bath. It'll help clear out your sinuses." He finally swallowed down the medicine with grimace, chugging the orange juice until it was empty. Levi handed Eren the glass back in a way that managed to be accusatory, somehow. "Go take a bath. I'll make your tea how you like it, fix you some food." Levi threw his legs over the side of the bed, burying his face in Eren's stomach and wrapping his arms around the brunet's waist.

" 'M not hungry." Eren stroked Levi's hair, scratching his nails gently against his boss's scalp.

"You need to eat." Levi sighed heavily, shoving into Eren's belly like he was trying to push him over. The brunet swayed under the pressure, hugging Levi tighter.

"It'll taste like cardboard." 

"Doesn't matter. You'll be sick longer if you don't get food down."

"But it'll be gross." Eren laughed, one sharp bark of amusement.

"Levi, oh my God." Levi stumbled up to his feet, trudging over to his bag and digging out clothes.

"Uggh, I'm sorry, I know, I'm being a little bitch. I just hate being sick."

"Go take a bath like a good little bitch and I'll have your tea ready when you get out."

A balled up shirt hit Eren in the back of the head as he was leaving, and he giggled his way to the kitchen. Levi was such a _baby,_ he hadn't expected him to devolve into an infant at the first sign of illness. It was more adorable than it should be, in spite of all the man's whining, and Eren was grinning to himself as he made tea. Kuchel's recipe for chicken soup was very simple, thankfully, and it was simmering on the stove in a matter of minutes. All Eren could do was hope he didn't fuck it up somehow, because the last thing he wanted was to disappoint Levi when he was feeling bad already. About twenty minutes after the he got the food started, just as he was starting to wonder if Levi had fallen asleep in the bathtub, his boss's phone started ringing in the bedroom. Eren wasn't about to answer Levi's phone, nor was he going to bring it to him in the bathroom, so he let it go to voicemail. Shortly afterwards his own phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to frown at screen. An unknown number, though the area code was one from Stohess, and he answered with furrowed brows.

"Hello?"

"Hello, I'm Abigail Laurent, a nurse calling on behalf of Cherrywood Medical, trying to reach Eren Jaeger. Is he available?" Eren felt his guts start to twist, just a little, at the name of the clinic he and Levi had gone to in order to be tested. They'd said it would be two to three days before they called with the results, so he should've been expecting this, but with everything that happened he'd managed to push it into the back of his mind.

"This is him. It's about the testing, right?"

"Yes, you said it would okay to call you with the results, as well as send an e-mail. Just wanted to let you know that everything came up negative. You're just fine." Eren let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and felt tension ease from his shoulders.

"Ah, thank you. That's good."

"Mr. Ackerman also authorized his medical records to be released to you? We tried to contact him, and there was no answer. He's negative as well. I can call him back later if necessary, though an automated e-mail will be sent at the end of the day."

"No, you don't need to call him, I'll let him know. Thank you very much."

"Have a nice day, Mr. Jaeger."

Eren shoved his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, stirring the soup absently as he let the information sink in. It wasn't as though he'd expected either one of them to have anything, really. He was a virgin, and Levi hadn't been sexually active in years by his own admission. Eren just felt like a teenager whose parents had given him permission to stay overnight at his lover's house. Suddenly he was _allowed_ to want Levi, in ways he had not been before. Other than Levi's own issues, and Eren's inexperience, there were no more barriers standing between them. It was freeing, a weight off his shoulders, and shadow clearing from his mind.

It was terrifying, too.

Not for Eren himself, but for Levi, and what he might think. He did not want Levi to feel obligated to act after hearing they were clean. Eren had waited almost twenty-five years to have any kind of real intimacy, and though he wanted Levi any way he could have him, he did not want his boss to feel rushed. He could wait as long as he needed to, until Levi was ready. And if he never was, that was okay, too, but Eren didn't know how to tell him all this. Was lost in thought for awhile, still mindlessly stirring the soup when Levi's voice cut through the air.

"You're making soup?" His dark hair was damp from the bath, cheeks flushed from the hot water. Didn't look any better than before, really, but Eren knew he felt better. It was obvious in the way he moved as he padded barefooted over to the brunet, no longer hunched down in misery. He had a throw blanket around his shoulders, looking fragile all wrapped up in it. Eren handed him a cup of tea, honey already secreted away in the dark fluid, and Levi looked at it suspiciously. "You put honey in this." Eren's eyes went wide, and he bit his lip and glanced around awkwardly.

"Uhhhh...."

"You left it on the counter, genius." Eren turned his head, and sure as shit, there it was. Little plastic bear full of honey, giving Eren away.

"Fuck." Levi just grinned, taking a drink from his cup anyway before setting it down on the countertop.

"I don't care. You can't really taste it in there, when the tea is strong enough. You know how to make it right." Warmth spread through him at the words. It was a small thing, but Eren couldn't help the smile that split his face. Levi stepped up behind Eren, resting his chin on the brunet's shoulder to look down into the pot before letting out a low gasp. "That's my mom's soup. I can smell it. You're making her chicken soup for me?" Eren nodded, pulling a piece of chicken out of the broth and breaking it open, trying to see if it was cooked all the way through. Carrots and peas floated in the liquid, chunks of potato bobbing here and there.

"She sent me the recipe. Figured you might actually eat it." Levi groaned and pulled back, shoving his face into Eren's shoulder blades and holding him tighter, hands splayed out over the brunet's abdomen.

"Uuuuugggh. I love you so much right now. I haven't eaten that in literal years." Eren smirked, reaching backwards to paw at Levi's hair, tugging lightly on the strands.

"I love you too. Maybe you'll stop being such a baby now." He shook his head, fisting his hands in Eren's shirt over his stomach. Rubbed his forehead back and forth across the brunet's back, leaning into him hard.

"No. Still feel like garbage. Wet garbage. The garbage at the bottom the trash can, all brown and-" Eren waved his free hand in the air, cutting Levi off with the gesture.

"Okay, I get it. You're garbage. The soup's done. Go sit down and I'll put this in a bowl."

Eren refilled Levi's tea, putting honey in it while the man watched, daring him to complain. He filled two bowls with soup, piling up some saltine crackers on a plate and sitting across from Levi to eat. The brunet watched nervously as Levi took his first bite, wondering if he'd managed to do the recipe some kind of justice. Levi closed his eyes and let out an exaggerated moan, swallowing his food before speaking.

"That's it, I'm keeping you forever. I don't even care what you want, you're stuck with me. This is fucking delicious." 

"Tell your mom, not me. I didn't come up with it." Levi made a dismissive motion with his hands.

"No. Yours tastes better, somehow." He pointed his spoon angrily at Eren all of a sudden. "Don't tell her I said that." The brunet let a wry smirk creep over his lips.

"I'm gonna tell her." Levi glared, but it was weak and half hearted coming through red, sleepy eyes with that blanket still on his shoulders. He looked like a disgruntled little kid.

"Traitor." They ate in silence for awhile, Levi holding his bowl out when it was empty and making a pathetic face until Eren refilled it. Once they were done, Eren worked past the lump in his throat to tell Levi about the phone call he'd gotten.

"The doctor called while you were in the shower. Said our results both came back clean. You'll get an e-mail, at some point." Levi stared for a moment, holding Eren's gaze warily before nodding.

"That's good. Figured they would be."

The silence stretched awkwardly between them, and Eren wanted to say something, but everything that came to mind seemed like it would make things worse. The words sounded desperate in his head. _'This doesn't mean we have to_ do _anything, I don't want to pressure you, don't feel like there's any hurry.'_ As though Levi was weak, or needed to be coddled somehow. Some fragile, breakable creature. Eren hated it when people walked on eggshells around him, terrified to say the wrong thing. Then the moment for speaking had passed, and they were stacking dishes in the sink. Eren washed them quickly before putting a lid on the rest of the soup and storing it in the fridge. They stood quietly in front of each other in the kitchen, the air between them charged, and Eren opened his mouth to say _something,_ anything, before Levi silenced him with kiss. Wrapped his blanketed arms around Eren, standing on his toes, and the brunet eased his hands underneath Levi's shirt to grab at the soft skin there. It was not a chaste kiss, but there was no urgency in it, either. Levi's tongue delved into his mouth, messy and unhurried, and Eren sighed against his lips. When they broke apart Levi was smiling, and something loosened inside of Eren. They didn't need words, not right then, but Levi found some anyway.

"We've got time. It'll happen when it happens. But I do want that, with you. Eventually. All right?" Eren nodded.

"All right."

"Good. Now stop making a face like someone shit in your cereal and let's go watch stupid movies on my laptop in bed and drink this disgusting honey tea my mother is still somehow forcing me to consume. The shop can wait one more day."

Eren was left gaping at Levi as he headed to the bedroom, and finally he shook his head and followed after him. This was his boyfriend, hot as fuck. Beautiful hair, muscles that should be illegal, an ass Eren wanted to fucking bite into.

Mouth full of sarcasm and shit jokes, and Eren didn't even care.

_So romantic, Levi. So romantic._


	21. Home Again

The trip back to Stohess was over far too quickly for Levi's liking, miles rushing past them so fast that they both seemed genuinely surprised to reach their destination. Levi was still sick, though he'd taken so much medicine he was more foggy than miserable. His sinuses felt swollen, but his cough was mostly tamed down by the disgusting syrup Eren managed to get Levi to take. Kuchel had long since given up trying to force Levi to take cough medicine, even as young teenager. It wasn't worth the argument, not when coughing would not do him any real harm, and fighting with Levi was like fighting with a brick wall, or so his mother had said. But Eren... He'd turned those stupid fucking puppy eyes on his boss, and Levi hadn't stood a chance. The boy owned him without even trying, unaware he had Levi in the palm of his hand. Now they were parked in the driveway of Eren's house, lingering when they had no real reason to, the brunet unwilling to take the first step.

Eren stared at his home as though he'd never seen it before, sitting in the front seat of Levi's car and throwing long looks at his boyfriend. It was pretty obvious he did not want to go inside, though Levi thought that had more to do with facing his friends than any real nervousness about staying there again. Mikasa and Armin had called him repeatedly, and though he'd answered the phone, their conversations were short and monosyllabic. Levi did not think they'd gotten the answers they sought, and they would be on top of Eren like rabid dogs as soon as he came through the door. So worried about him that they made things worse with their concern, and Levi couldn't really blame them, but he cringed at the thought of Eren having to deal with both of them mothering him at once. Though he was happy the kid had people who cared about him so much close at hand, even if it could be overwhelming at times. 

Without them, Eren probably wouldn't be around anymore. Would be buried in the ground somewhere, nothing but bones, and Levi shuddered inwardly at the thought. Tried to force it from his mind, unwilling to let it dwell there, dark and poisonous. Mikasa was the one who'd found Eren when he'd slit his wrists in the bathtub, and there was no telling how many attempts they'd prevented just by being there for Eren. Appreciation for the pair welled up in Levi, and one day he vowed to tell those two just how grateful he was for all they'd done. All the late nights in Eren's room, just sitting up talking to keep his mind off things. Every time Armin had crawled in bed with him so he wouldn't feel alone. Phone calls and homemade bracelets. Painting each other's nails and shitty movie marathons. A million little things, each one of them binding Eren to this life by the finest of threads. Spiderwebs of affection, and they'd kept him here through sheer force of will, even when he wanted to give up. To let go. Levi reached out and took Eren's hand, drawing his gaze and giving the brunet a soft smile.

"You don't want to go in." Eren shrugged, looking a bit guilty as he did so, biting his lip briefly.

"They're gonna be hovering around me for days." He was right, they would. And he owed them every second, but he didn't need Levi to tell him that. 

"They love you. They're worried. I sort of ran off with you when you were feeling vulnerable, I bet your sister's pissed at me." Eren smiled then, and from that shit eating grin Levi knew he'd hit the nail on the head. He wondered how many text messages Eren had gotten from Mikasa over the last few days. The brunet's phone had been on silent most of the time, and now Levi knew why.

"She'll get over it." It was Levi's turn to shrug at that, running his thumb back and forth over Eren's knuckles absently.

"Maybe." Eren sighed, and Levi took his key from the ignition and opened his car door. "Let me help you with your bags, walk you to the door."

Eren made an amused face, as though Levi being chivalrous was entertaining somehow, but he didn't say anything about it as his boss walked with him to the door, one of the brunet's hefty bags in hand. He stood by as Eren fished out his key, hesitating to put it in the lock, looking at Levi in a way that was strangely desperate. Eren was going home, and it should have been the easiest thing in the world. The place he'd spent that last few years, with people he loved, who loved him in return. Fiercely, and without qualification or expectation.

But going through that doorway meant dealing with all the things he'd shoved aside the past few days, and Eren knew it. They would talk about his father, and his mother. Ask questions with their eyes, if not their mouths, and Eren would not want to answer.

_Are you holding up or are you breaking down?_

Levi wanted to think Eren was doing okay, but he couldn't be sure. Those eyes had been hiding things from him so long, Levi couldn't be certain Eren wasn't putting on a brave face. Still waters that would drown you once reached under the surface, a maelstrom of feelings pushed down where no one would see. It wasn't something he did deliberately, or to actively deceive anyone.

When someone walks around broken for long enough, most people grow tired of trying to fix them. Thinking they just don't want to be whole, when really they're missing pieces, corners warped and edges frayed. So they pulled their shattered parts inside. Stood up straight. Smiled wide. Spoke low, lest their voices break.

_I'm fine, it's okay, don't worry._

Yet they weren't okay, just waiting until they were alone to fall apart again. Fuck knows Levi had done it for ages, but he didn't want Eren to do the same. Everything didn't need to be fixed all at once.

He loved this boy just fine in pieces. They could put him back together bit by bit, and if it took forever, that was okay. Eren broke Levi out of his reverie, head cocked to the side in question.

"Do... Do I work tomorrow? Has Hange written the schedule?" 

Eren was already looking for an escape, even if it was as mundane and short lived as working a shift at the bookstore. Levi set Eren's bag down by the door, stepping in close and wrapping his arms around Eren's waist. Shoved his head into Eren's broad chest, breathing in his scent, and Levi felt the brunet nuzzling into his own dark locks. He rubbed slow circles between Eren's shoulder blades, and Levi felt strong hands curling into the back of his shirt.

"I'm sure she hasn't put either of us on the schedule, though she knows I'm coming in tomorrow morning to check on things and do some computer shit. Finalize some orders and double check payroll. Make sure the inventory counts have all been entered. But you should take it easy, I'm sure we can cover for you while-" Eren interrupted, louder than necessary, panic edging into his tone.

"Come pick me up on your way in to the shop tomorrow. I need to work. I need the cash, but I also need to... to do _something._ " Eren sighed again, breath warm in Levi's hair, and even when they heard footsteps echoing towards the door, neither one moved away. "The thought of staying here all day tomorrow with nothing to do makes me feel like I can't fucking breathe." 

Levi hugged him tighter, wanting nothing more than to follow Eren into his house and crawl into bed with him. But he needed to talk to his sister, and Armin, and let them know he was doing okay in spite of everything going on with his father, and they wouldn't really be able to do that with Levi there. Not that Eren would have any problems with it, but Levi doubted Mikasa and Armin would be comfortable having that kind of conversation with him around. They'd had the brunet all to themselves for so long, and another person would make things awkward between them. 

There was also the simple fact that, no matter how loathe he was to leave, Levi couldn't stay with Eren forever. He _could_ come pick him up for work the next day, though, and he nodded into the kid's chest as the door swung open behind them to reveal a worried looking Mikasa. Armin was right there tugging her back inside, and she hissed out protests as the blond struggled to close the door again. Finally it clicked shut, and they heard a scuffle on the other side, along with some muttered profanities. Eren rolled his eyes, and there was no way Levi could leave him at their mercy the next day.

"I'll come by here around seven forty-five in the morning. Don't make me wait on your drowsy ass." Eren laughed then, a staccato sound that was somewhat forced, but he eased further back from Levi's embrace with a smile.

"Okay, Levi."

The brunet lifted his hand up and ran a thumb over Levi's cheek, grey eyes darting away as a flush painted his pale cheeks. Levi heard Eren laugh again, more a soft exhale, but it was real that time. Genuine, and if Levi had to blush like a teenager every day for the rest of his life to hear it, he would do so with a smile. There was no price he would not pay for Eren's laugh, for Eren's smile. His happiness, in whatever small ways Levi could manage to draw it out. Before he could scold Eren for making fun of him the brunet caught his gaze, one hand still cupping Levi's cheek, fingertips easing into black strands. There were words in Eren's mouth that he hesitated to speak. Levi could almost _see_ them there, and his eyes went a little wider, brows going up in silent invitation. _Tell me. I want to know every thought in your head, every word on your tongue. Everything there is._ He asked in silence, and Eren must have understood him, because he finally let his hand fall and continued. 

"I liked spending so much time with you. Going to bed with you. Waking up at night, and you being there... It was nice." 

It was better than _nice,_ was what Levi wanted to say. It had been more perfect than Levi thought possible, still foggy with sleep yet feeling Eren's skin on his. Eren's mouth slack against his throat, or his long legs slotted together with Levi's own. Sheets tangled around them, the sound of Eren's breathing, the heat of his body seeping into Levi and making him warm in ways that nothing else could. He blinked at the brunet, trying to hold back the desperate, eager things in his chest that begged to be voiced. Nodded instead, running his hand down Eren's arm to lace their fingers together.

"It was. Gonna be hard to sleep without you tonight." Eren was looking at him with his brows furrowed, glancing at his front door with something like disgust. They could stand out here all day, Levi realized, and Eren would make no move to go inside on his own. Levi grinned, reaching up with his free hand to tug at Eren's hair, making his head tilt to the side as he did so. "I'll be here in the morning. I'll call you before I go to sleep. Okay?" 

His head bobbed in agreement, and they stood there awkwardly for a moment before Levi sighed in feigned resignation and stepped in close. Lifted up on his toes, and Eren leaned down to meet him, bringing their lips together in a gentle kiss. Levi had intended it to be gentle, anyway. The brunet had other ideas, snaking an arm around Levi's waist and pulling the man tight against him. He licked his way into his boss' mouth, tongue twisting with Levi's obscenely, little moans mixing together until neither of them was sure who was making the noise in the first place. Something living under Levi's ribs, coursing through his veins like blood, filling up his lungs with smoke. Heat began to swell up in Levi, climbing up his chest, sinking down between his thighs, swallowing him head to toe. Eren smelled so good, even if the scent was faint through Levi's wrecked sinuses, and his arms were strong around Levi, and his mouth was fucking _sinful,_ how could he _kiss_ that way, it didn't make _sense_...

When they broke apart Levi was panting, and Eren was flushed but faintly amused at how breathless his boyfriend was, fingers brushing stray hair out of those steely eyes. Then Levi's mouth opened of its own accord, and the words fell out absent thought. Ringing with truth. Dripping with emotion, and Levi was not ashamed.

"I love you." That wry grin vanished, replaced by something wide and explosive and too bright to look at. Levi looked anyway, unable to draw his eyes away. A sun that would not blind him. A fire that burned him in all the right ways. Something hungry, and if it swallowed Levi whole, that would be fine.

"I love you, too, Levi. I'll see you tomorrow."

It was harder than it should have been for Levi to walk away, and the drive home might have only taken a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity.

.....

Levi's apartment was empty as it never had been before, and he found himself walking aimlessly around the rooms, staring at the walls. He wondered what Eren was doing, if his family had eventually left him alone or if they were trailing him around like forlorn puppies. Normally all Levi thought about was work, or his writing, or the lack thereof. Now his mind was overtaken, nothing but brown hair and green eyes and that dark voice in his ear. It wasn't even dark outside, and already he felt achingly lonely without Eren there. A handful of days, and Levi was irredeemably spoiled to the brat's presence, hands empty without Eren's skin underneath him. Arms aching to wrap around him. Mouth hungry for his kisses. The leftover soup he'd made was sitting in Levi's fridge, and when his stomach began to complain he heated some up with a ridiculous grin.

Eren made him soup. His mother's soup, at that. He'd run Levi a bath, and fed him, and massaged his shoulders until he was boneless, barely awake, leaning into the brunet's touch like he was starved for it. Brought him medicine, and made him tea. Eren took care of Levi without blinking an eye, even as he whined and bitched incessantly. He knew he was a nightmare to be around when he felt bad, but there wasn't much Levi could do about. He didn't actively try to be difficult. It just happened, and Eren had rolled with it as though it were nothing. God, he didn't deserve Eren, but Levi was too far gone to care. Smiling at a bowl of soup like an idiot, and it tasted better knowing the kid had made it, trying to cheer him up.

Eren would do anything for him, and maybe it should make him wary, but it did not. Made him feel warm in places that had been cold for years, waiting to heat up at Eren's touch. 

After cleaning his house and showering, he barely lasted an hour before picking up his phone. Eren answered on the first ring, and Levi listened to Armin and Mikasa's voices fade away as he trudged up the stairs, feet thudding softly against them. Heard the click of Eren's door shutting, the creak of his mattress, the blankets rustling as the brunet curled up in bed.

They talked for hours about nothing in particular. Hange and the store, Levi's mother, friends of Eren's that Levi had not yet met. The new security system on the house, and how Eren was never going to remember the code. He'd already almost set the alarm off twice trying to figure it out, and eventually Mikasa had given up trying to explain. Armin had let it spill that Levi had refused to take back his debit card after sending the blond after groceries the day he kicked in their door, telling him to keep it for food and emergencies. So Eren scolded him, and Levi let him do it, apologizing but unable to feel genuinely sorry. It was not their fault they were struggling to make ends meet, two of them fighting through school while holding down jobs, trying to keep their dilapidated house from falling apart. No one there to help them, Armin's own parent's fighting him for an inheritance he would probably have gladly shared with them if only they'd asked instead of trying to take it from him.

Levi mentioned wanting to do something together on Sunday without bringing up the fact that it was Eren's birthday, and he agreed, as long as he could work for the first part of the day. Levi thought about protesting, but didn't want to push it, especially with all Eren had been through the past few days. If he wanted to work on his birthday, Levi would let him do so for as long as he liked.

Eventually it grew late, and they hung up after muttering 'I love you's' and 'goodnights' that lingered longer than they should have.

Eren said _'Sweet dreams,'_ and Levi didn't make fun of him.

Just nuzzled down into his pillow with a smile on his face, and Eren flitting through his head. If his dreams were full of the brunet, they would indeed be sweet, and Levi fell asleep with Eren's name on his lips.


	22. Hidden

Having an honest-to-god conversation with his family about what he was feeling was unsettling, even if it had been a long time coming. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to listen, but that he didn’t want to speak, knowing that all the discussion in the world was going to solve his problems. Still, Eren spent most of Friday evening placating Armin and Mikasa’s worries, actually talking to them instead of evading their questions, as was becoming his habit after years of concerned looks and troubled words. A habit he knew he needed to break, so he told them that he was worried but not overwhelmed. Upset but not panicking. Not yet, anyway. The idea of his father showing up out of nowhere was somewhat terrifying, and if Eren legitimately expected it to happen, he would probably be in much worse shape. But while he did not know what motivated the man to send him a birthday card in the first place after so many years of silence, for some reason he could not really believe Grisha would show himself. Not considering what he’d done to Eren, what the brunet had seen of that monster that lived within his father.

Levi picked Eren up for work Saturday morning, after being forced to wait for him to finish getting ready. Mostly because Eren felt bizarrely exposed as he always did so close to his birthday. He’d left off his jewelry while they were at Levi’s cabin, and even as he slept the night before, but upon waking that morning their absence had been too much to bear. Then no matter how many bracelets he piled on Eren’s wrists looked naked, and before long it was a bit ridiculous, jewelry piled up almost to his elbow. He stared at his arm, a little breathless, trying to reign in the irrational urge he had to wear long sleeves or a hooded sweatshirt on top of the cords and leather and metal of his bracelets. To protect himself in some small, irrelevant way. Eren knew it was stupid, but the knowledge didn’t make it any easier to relax. 

Then he thought of the bracelet he’d given Levi, and pictured it sitting on his wrist, where it had been ever since Eren put it on him. He’d worn it every day without fail, and something loosened inside of Eren at the thought.

He didn’t take any of his jewelry off. Piled up a few more necklaces at his throat, in fact, but he pulled on a short sleeved shirt before rushing through his morning bullshit and running out to Levi’s car.

His boss feigned irritation, but Eren could see the smile twitching under his scowl, and it was difficult to take Levi seriously with the way his eyes lit up at the sight the brunet coming down the driveway.

No one but Levi had ever looked at Eren that way, as though their day was better just having laid eyes on him. It made him twist inside, parts of Eren moving that had always been still, a dizziness that had nothing to do with the ground he stood on. If his steps faltered under that affectionate stare Levi didn’t seem to notice. Eren still felt his nerves from earlier like an itch beneath his skin, but it was not quite so potent. Secondary in the wake of the heat rolling over his face, and they made their way to the shop without any mention of the stupid blush on Eren’s cheeks.

It felt like it had been forever since he’d worked, though in reality only three days had passed. He often had two days off together in a row, three on the rare occasion when they gave him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday free. Eren did not think it was so much the length of time he’d been absent that made it seem like an eternity but how much had happened in those few days. His father sending messages to him from the ether he’d vanished into all those years ago, telling Levi about more of the creeping things from his past. Learning about the shadows that lurked in Levi’s own history.

Retreating into the woods, and finding something in each other they hadn’t known was lost. Something Eren and Levi carried with them now that made them lighter instead of heavier. 

The familiar monotony of Titan Books was soothing in its own way, the shelves and bar and couches like a second home. He hadn’t ever realized just how comfortable he was surrounded by its walls until he returned there. Work should not be so welcoming, probably.

But then sometimes Eren looked up towards the office to find Levi’s eyes on him, hooded and dark, his bottom lip sucked between bright white teeth. When he noticed he’d been caught staring Levi just smiled, tugging his eyes away with a wry smirk and turning them back to his computer, far too pleased with himself. 

It was no hardship to shelve books and make coffee and build displays with Levi close by, and Eren thought about how lucky he was to have gotten the job in the first place. If nothing else it had given Eren someone to cling to in a particularly dark moment of his life. Even if things did not work out between them, even if they broke up tomorrow, Levi had helped him hang on for one more day, one more week.

Even just a moment of hesitation can be worth a lifetime of gratitude. Eren still wasn’t sure he’d managed to convey to his boss just how grateful he was for that instant. When he’d been ready to let go, and Levi’s face had surged up in his mind. 

Wasn’t sure it could be conveyed in words, anyway. Didn’t want to try just yet. He would surely stumble over his thanks as he did everything else.

The day was going by quickly, Eren falling into the rhythm of work easily as always. It was simple to forget about the strain of his own life there, mind occupied by tasks that had long since become second nature. He made coffee and tea, and reorganized horror novels, and put away customer returns. Cleaned shelves and heated up pastries and swept the floors, slipping into the office when no one was looking and planting quick little kisses in Levi’s dark hair. Reveling in the feeling of Levi’s hands clutching briefly at his shirt, pulling Eren down to bring their lips together in fleeting touches. Hange caught them once before she left for the day just after noon, grinning like a maniac and giving Eren a thumbs up when Levi turned away. He didn’t even try to fight down a smile of his own, and soon Eren looked at his cell phone and realized there was only an hour or so of his shift left.

It took Levi thrusting an envelope at him on his way past for Eren to remember the previous day had been payday, and he cringed as he headed back to the register to open his check. It would be at least two days short, somewhere around sixteen hours of pay lost in the wake of his brief attempt to escape his troubles. Not that Eren regretted going to Levi’s cabin with him, but it was going to be very hard to make ends meet for the next couple of weeks. When he pulled out the check to see just how bad the damage was, Eren frowned at it, brows furrowed.

It was just as much as it always was, his stub reflecting the same number of hours as usual in spite of his absence. First he was confused, thinking there had been some kind of error, but Hange and Levi never fucked up the payroll. 

Then realization dawned, and Eren felt something cold swirling in his guts.

Levi had given him the hours he missed, even though Eren hadn’t worked them. Emotions warred inside of Eren, contradictory and dizzying. On one hand, it was thoughtful of him to be worried. Eren knew Levi had done it out of kindness, out of affection. He was aware of just how hard Mikasa, Armin, and Eren struggled to stay afloat. But more than that, swelling up fiercely in the back of his throat, Eren found himself angry. Levi already spent money to fix up their house, and buy them groceries, even paying to have a security system installed so that Eren could sleep without worrying about his friends’ safety. He wasn’t necessarily happy about letting his boss use his own money on things that were not his reponsibility, but Eren wouldn’t fight him on the issue, not when it kept Mikasa and Armin safe and put food on their table.

This felt different, though. It was not Levi, his boyfriend, trying to take care of him. This was his boss paying him for work he had not done, and Eren rankled at the idea. What little pride he managed to hold onto stung, and before he knew it Eren was stomping into Levi’s office, holding out the paper accusingly. 

“Levi, what is this?” Levi cocked his head, eyes clouding with confusion, brows knitting together.

“It appears to be your check.” 

Eren huffed out an irritated breath at Levi’s sarcasm, making an effort to keep his emotions contained. It was easy for him to get angry about the littlest of things, explosively so, only to have the fury fade away a few minutes later and leave him feeling foolish. Maybe his friends expected such things of him, and brushed his mood swings off like they were no big deal. One of the many issues he had, as much a part of his depression as the sadness that lay in wait inside Eren. But this wasn’t Mikasa or Armin. It was Levi, and he wasn’t too eager to show that side of himself just yet.

Or ever.

So he spoke calmly, words clipped and level and obviously strained, Levi eyeing him with worry.

“It’s not short.” Levi seemed even more perplexed, spinning in his chair to face Eren fully, eyes darting between the check and the brunet.

“Okay… It’s not short and that’s… bad?” Eren tossed the envelope and stub on Levi’s desk, everything falling out of his mouth at once, voice a bit too loud. He wasn’t yelling, exactly, but his tone was exasperated, as though they’d been having the same conversation for hours instead of moments.

“Yes, that’s bad, Levi! You can’t just pay me for hours I didn’t work!” He lifted his hands up to tug at his hair, fingers briefly buried in the strands. “You’re already paying to repair shit at my house and buying us food and God only knows how much that security system cost to install, let alone the monthly fee they probably charge. All that’s bad enough, but this is where we work, I don’t want-” 

Eren trailed off at the look on Levi’s face, wide eyed with his eyebrows raised, hands held up in a gesture of surrender.

“I didn’t do payroll, Eren. Hange did. But you hit four months a few weeks ago, and that’s when your paid time off hours kick in. When you work less than your scheduled shifts, the system automatically adds them unless you specify. I literally did nothing, the payroll system just used your vacation hours to fill out your week. Hange mentioned it when she was here earlier. I didn’t think it was a big deal. If you ever call in sick or miss a day, you’ll need to tell us if you don’t want the time off hours, at least until you run out.”

Oh.

Oh _God._

Embarrassment ran hot in Eren’s cheeks, and he covered his face in his hands to try and hide it. As though it was better to stand there with his palms over his eyes, hiding. He muttered out from beneath his fingers, sounding every bit as mortified as he felt.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I- fuck, I’m gonna go reorganize the sci-fi section or some shit…” Eren turned to flee the office, still covering his face, only to be stopped by Levi standing and grabbing his arm. His boss turned him around, trying to tug his palms away to no avail.

“Eren.” 

Eren shook his head, as though Levi had asked him a question he could answer that way. There was no yes or no response to account for him being an asshole, though. Levi tugged on Eren’s wrist again, letting out a sound of amusement. 

“Eren.” He finally let his hands fall away, and Levi was looking at him with a worried expression. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the pay thing, it didn’t occur to me. If it bothered you so much that I did any of those things, though, you should know Armin already told me he’s keeping track of how much everything costs so he can pay me back when he gets his inheritance. I told him it wasn’t necessary, but he was pretty adamant. I’m not trying to throw money at you. I just… I don’t want you to be hungry. I want you to sleep at night without worrying about…” He faltered, choosing his words a bit too carefully. “Someone breaking into your house. You’ve got enough stuff to worry about right now as it is.”

Armin was going to pay him back. Of _course_ Armin was going to pay him back. Eren should have already known, should have expected it from the blond. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. One Eren hadn’t known was there in the first place, and then fresh guilt washed over him, making it hard to breathe. He scratched absently at his bracelets, cringing hard through his apology.

“I’m so sorry. I bitched you out for no reason. I’m just…” _A wreck, because it’s my birthday tomorrow and my father is sending me letters and I’ve admitted to you what a fuck-up I am and you’re somehow still looking at me like that, and-_

Levi’s fingertips smoothed down Eren’s wild hair, quieting the words that lay unformed in his mouth. Soothing the frantic rush of his thoughts, and still looking so apologetic it made the brunet ache inside. He used his other hand and eased Eren’s away from his jewelry, intertwining their fingers together, Levi’s palm cool in the heat of Eren’s own.

“You’re just stressed. You’re allowed to be. It’s okay.” Eren let his gaze fall to the floor, sighing so heavily he wondered how he even had that much air in his lungs.

“I’ll make it up to you.” Levi laughed then, low but genuine, still petting Eren’s messy hair.

“You didn’t do anything.” Eren shrugged, catching a faint smirk from Levi at the gesture and wondering why.

“Still.” Levi continued to pet Eren’s messy strands, idly, like he didn’t really notice he was doing it.

“Okay. Then after we get off work tomorrow, come do something with me.” Eren flinched before he had the chance to hold back the gesture, a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of doing anything remotely celebratory on his birthday. Levi seemed ready for it, though, continuing without missing a beat. “Not dinner or a movie or anything like that. Just spend some time with me. We don’t even have to go anywhere if you don’t want.” Eren hesitated, and he could feel the look on his face. Wary and uncertain, an animal in the forest ready to run at the first sign of trouble.

“No presents.” It wasn’t a question, but he waited for Levi’s answer anyway, leaning into the fingers scratching calmly in his hair. Feeling Levi’s other hand playing with the beads of his bracelets. Eren relaxed without really being aware of it, tension flowing out of him bit by bit.

“No presents, I swear.” He sighed, leaning forward and resting his chin on top of Levi’s head, shaking off the man’s hand in the process. It circled his waist instead, fingertips looping through Eren’s belt. 

“Okay.” Eren sounded defeated, and Levi brushed a chaste kiss to his collarbones, whispering into the tan skin there.

“Thank you.”

Eren shrugged, and when he did Levi pulled back and laid his palms over the brunet’s shoulders. Held them tight and brought their mouths together, hungrier than he should have considering where they were. Messier, and deeper, tongues spilling against each other. 

It was just what Eren needed, and he might not have been excited about spending time with Levi for his birthday, but he wasn’t dreading it, either.

It might seem like nothing, but it was not, and Eren would take what he could get.

**Author's Note:**

> My first published modern AU. The beginning is a little dark and angsty, but that will not last for long, as I don't have the patience for it. The rest will probably be offensively fluffy. You are warned.


End file.
